Being outed at Workplace. I'm terrified.

[mintra]

So I just started at this new courier-type contracted job for less than a month. Most of the time I'm on the road. Everybody in the office thinks I'm a genetic female. Today, this one Asian driver gave me the look like he's trying to make sure I'm really trans. I'm an Asian post-op mtf and I think most Asian could tell. If I'm outed by this guy I don't think I'm gonna be accepted by all the American in the office.

I'm really scared right now that my secret is gonna be out soon and I'd be the subject of gossip at best or ridicule at worst. To make it worse this is a conservative city. I'm now prepared to quit if there is even a slight stare or changes in attitude. If they really accept me that would be like a miracle. What do you think is gonna happen and how do I deal with it? Good thing is this is a part time job. Any advice or consolation is greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

[kelly_aus]

If your paperwork is all in order, I'd just act insulted and call him on his BS..

[mintra]

Thanks Kelly. Yeah my paperwork on file is all female now. I'm not quite sure the paperwork alone can convince them. And my concern is not with the legal aspect but the pressure and the change in attitude of the coworkers that I might not take very well.

[Rena-san]

1. It may seem childish, but you could like drop your purse one day and have a bunch of tampons fall out.

2. But I don't know. That guy seems like a total jerk, and he will be a total jerk if he goes around and tells everyone he thinks you're trans. But like kelly said, if you got paperwork that says you're female then you should be good.

3. You could try talking to this guy.

4. Also, have you considered that people in your work place may already know?

Well, those are the thoughts that crossed my mind. Me, still being a child, like the first option! The third option is pry the most realistic though. 

[twit]

and don't forget 5. you might just be a tad paranoid and misreading the way he looked at you.

[mintra]

Thanks guys. Maybe I'm just paranoid but I'm 39 years old and I had my fair share of rejections. About 12 years ago, my job interview was abruptly cut as soon as my voice started to go deeper as the interview proceeded. This was in Chicago.

Anyway, I'm just gonna let it go tonight and sleep on it.

[RedFox]

I say wait and see what happens before you jump the gun.  If  you think it would help you could talk to the guy, but that could just confirm his suspicions.

Don't you have employment rights where you work?  I understand your concerns about the social environment, but if you have those protections you can remind your co-worker of that.  You promise not to talk about his anatomy and he'll promise not to talk about yours.

I don't know about you, but where I work even the suggestion of sexual harassment can put someone under investigation or get them fired.  You're a woman - use it to your advantage (there ARE times it's justified IMO).  If you think his actions will threaten your employment you can easily turn the tables on him.  Think what his buddies will think if you tell everyone he made a pass at you, after he thought you were trans.

That's underhanded and immature btw and should only be used as a last resort if you want to keep that job.  Personally, I wouldn't want to work there if they were that Trans-phobic.

[mintra]

SageFox. Thank you. He didn't look at me in a sexual way but more like trying to confirm his suspicion. I'm just gonna see what happens. I never hide the fact that I'm trans in asian community since they are more tolerant to the issue, I think, but this is the first time I'm working for an American boss in a conservative american office. You'll never know what belief each person has. I know there are many who are okay with the issue but I don't know. My boss and coworkers are nice and treated me well. I'm just afraid that 'll change.

[Cindy]

Your paperwork is OK so ignore him. If he says anything be very offended and bring in to your bosses that you are being sexually harassed by this person for some weird reason. It is not up to you to prove anything and it is not up to him to 'prove' anything. You are a woman being harassed by a man, you are not sure of his motives but as any woman would be you are nervous of his 'interest'.

Report him.

[mintra]

Thank you Cindy. I read your other post about mother-in-law. It was uplifting.

[Taka]

if you're a woman in body and soul and on paper, there's no way anyone could "out" you in your work place. calling you anything other than and equivalent of "female" would be an outright lie. so if he starts spreading rumors that you aren't a real woman, you just have to complain about a coworker spreading malicious rumors about you. ask your boss to make it stop, since you can't live or work with it. and sue anyone who threatens you, nobody has any right to threaten other people

[suzifrommd]

I'm now prepared to quit if there is even a slight stare or changes in attitude.

Mintra, you deserve to be there just as much as anyone else as long as you keep doing your job well.

Anyone who doesn't accept you for any reason (You're Asian? You're a woman? You have an accent? clothing, looks, or the misguided notion that you're not a normal human being) had better keep it to themselves.

Anything else is discrimination and is against the law pretty much everywhere.

[mintra]

Thank you Taka, agfrommd and everybody.

[JoanneB]

Thanks Kelly. Yeah my paperwork on file is all female now. I'm not quite sure the paperwork alone can convince them. And my concern is not with the legal aspect but the pressure and the change in attitude of the coworkers that I might not take very well.

With guys like that even a panty check won't convince them. Best just react as if he is some escaped psych patient. Most Americans will not be able to clock you.

I have a fair ammount of knowledge on this subject. A few years back I spent a week in Thailand on business. Our sales rep, a Canadian and married to a Thai woman, took me on the rounds of Pataya. In one club he started playing the "Is she or aint she" game with me. (He has no clue about me)  I figured I got this won hands down. Nyet!  No match against his trained eye.

BTW I assumed that you will be mostly fully clothed. Thus making it even more difficult to clock you 

[mintra]

BTW I assumed that you will be mostly fully clothed. Thus making it even more difficult to clock you 

LOL. I wish I was physically fit enough to work as a pole dancer.  Then I can save up and move to Beverly Hills. Yeah I wear a uniform at my job. It's a polo shirt with their logo and black pants.

I hope you like Thailand Joanne. You can find about 10 katoeys on each block in Pattaya!!
Anyway, everything is normal today in the office. I guess i was just too paranoid.

Thanks Joanne and everyone.