Engaging with the trans community

[El]

Im not sure i want to engage with trans people outside of the internet anymore (with a couple of exceptions).

Last week i visited the main local venue that is accepting of trans folk, i met a load of lovely people trans and cis and had an amazing time. This happened due to me meeting a trans woman the day before, we had a nice day, went shopping and drank coffee etc. There was a romantic element to our relationship but she was clear from the start that she was unsure on how she felt about having that sort of relationship with a trans person. In the space of two days she helped me through a ton of issues and on the second night we visited the venue in question. As i said the night was amazing, i haven't had so much fun in a very very long time. At the end of the night we kissed in the car park before going home (my first kiss in 5 years). The next day we spoke by text and she told me she didn't want to pursue things any further romantically but wanted to remain friends, i was crushed. I had only known her two days but because she was the first person to show any romantic interest in me in half a decade it really hit me hard. I text her back saying Id need a little cry but id be ok and id love to stay friends. I haven't heard from her since and dont believe i will. I facebooked her and texted her to no avail. Im not sure what happened to make her want to never speak to me again, i suspect it was the mention of me being upset but i really don't know. Now i don't think i can visit the venue where I had the fun night as everyone there seemed to love this girl to pieces and im afraid that she will have turned them all against me. So yea, probably one of the happiest days of my life shortly followed by some of the saddest.

Sorry for the rambling format of this post, im normally more eloquent but this is a very emotive subject for me.

[Jamie D]

Maybe a little more time is needed, El.  Give her some space, and see what happens.

[El]

Ive had to take away my ability to contact her by deleting her number and removing her from facebook. I cant trust myself not to bombard her with messages if not, i hope she does get in touch but i dont hold out much hope. I just wish we hadn't got romantically involved, its obvious that I was feeling that element of it far more than her, if we had just stayed as friends i would be so happy............... I feel like such an ass

[justmeinoz]

I would go back to the venue in the hope she was there.  It is highly likely that she is as spooked as you were, so I would at least give her a chance. 
I misread the signs in a similar situation last year, not long after going FT but was able to salvage the situation and we are closest friends now.
If you do meet, you can apologise for scaring her by being too enthusiastic and see what happens.

Karen.

[El]

I  dunno, i did consider it but i dont want to piss her off even more, or seem like a crazy stalker

[Jamie D]

There is no reason to feel like an ass.  I wrote to a dear friend, that humans are social animals.  We like being around one another.  But that does not always mean romance.  Sometimes you have to put yourself out there, and risk rejection.  But when you find acceptance, the feeling can be wonderful.

[jacqueline_rose]

Though I can understand why you wouldnt want to continue going to the place, you should remember that this person isnt the place. If you enjoyed the atmosphere and thinking back on it you believe that it would be a good place to hang out or go to sometimes, then do so. If you happen to see her then you see her. you can avoid contact if you like but i prefer the strangers approach.
If she ever decideds to speak with you again and resume a friendship then the two of you can. If not then shes just someone who happens to be there at the same time you are. by not acknowledging her precense unless she initiates it you force her to make a decision. (force sounds bad I know.) she can either treat you the same way (im not saying be unpleasant, just act like you work acquaintances and your not interested, especially dont make eye contact unless shes staring) or she can start talking to you again (remember to take it slow, for the both of you) or in the worst case she will just leave. rarely does anyone really want to make a scene, and you always have the option of leaving as well.
This doesnt always work for everyone, and please dont just take my word for it, but if you want to go there then just go. the future is unwritten and you will never know without trying. (plus i give you permission to come cuss me out in a message if you want to afterwards if it goes badly. i will admit to being wrongand appologize to you. lol)

[Shantel]

Hi El,
     Many trans people are intimidated by intimacy or even the thought that intimacy beyond a little kiss could become a reality. If I were in your skin, I would consider what Jacqueline-rose and Jamie D had to say. When anyone such as yourself has been intimacy deprived for so long, whether it be self imposed or otherwise, the excitement of a friendly kiss can be overwhelming for both of you. Take a deep breath and go back to the venue. It would be a huge step backwards for you to write socialization with others off. It's altogether possible that you and the other woman may become friends in time. As I've said before, friendship is a necessary foundation to a real relationship which could possibly become very intense at some future time. You can't possibly expect to score a home run without doing the steps and working to each base first! She'll want respect from you and also to respect herself. Take it slow, but do go back to the venue and try not to overanalyze, it's such a cis female trait! 

[El]

Thanks for all the advice guys, we are sort of on good terms again now, she contacted me and explained she was having a hard time back then. I think we are gonna try the whole friendship thing out again.

[kathy bottoms]

Happy it worked out for you.  Smiles and hugs.   

K

[Shantel]

Thanks for all the advice guys, we are sort of on good terms again now, she contacted me and explained she was having a hard time back then. I think we are gonna try the whole friendship thing out again.

Keep it light for awhile and let her be the one to give you the signals and resist the urge to just assert your own feelings over hers and it will surly come together for you in time. Formerly I took sex over romance but had it backwards, romance comes first and oftentimes slowly, one has to be thoughtful and considerate as a pre-requsite because the cart never precedes the horse in matters of the heart.

[Tristan]

these things happen El im so sorry.