Seeing Therapist in a few days...Should I just ask for it?

[Stewie]

Okay, so I have pretty much been seeing her since either June/July. You guys have pretty much seen my experience with her. Some ignorant comments here and there. A couple of sessions ago she said I was ready for this transition but there was no talk about the T Letter. And last time, I thought there would be but of course, there was not. Which is crazy because this is what she told me. She said that she doesn't even think I need to see her anymore on a monthly basis. I should only make appointments for when I think I need to talk...WTF! So what am I supposed to do? Just sit at home and wait a few months until I can't take it anymore and have a talk with her?

Anyway, I've been thinking and I don't want to have to deal with telling prof's next semester that I'm trans. I want to just be me. I want an ID that says my name. So I'm hoping to get the name change process started and get it done before classes start. I discussed it with my mother and she's all up for it. She is going in with me to my appointment and after that we are going to the clerk of courts in my county to get the paperwork. She's also going to help me get a list of endo's for me to have. So hopefully this will ALL work to my advantage when I go see this woman.

I just don't know what else to do. This lady admits I don't need to see her anymore but she doesn't give me a letter? I want to get the letter so that I actually get put on T and can start passing/binding. I want to avoid the binding as much as possible which is why I am waiting for T.

What do you guys think? Should I just ask for the letter? I just don't know what this woman wants from me.

[Brooke777]

Every time I want something from my psych I just ask. That is how I got started on hrt, and how I get letters from her. I see nothing wrong with asking, plus it shows you are taking the initiative to improve your life.

[Stewie]

Every time I want something from my psych I just ask. That is how I got started on hrt, and how I get letters from her. I see nothing wrong with asking, plus it shows you are taking the initiative to improve your life.

Yeah, part of me does believe it's that she wants to see the "initiative" but part of me is also wondering if she's just stereotyping men and wanting me to have a  "take-charge" attitude. Which I have had several people do. Oh well. Let's see how it goes. It can only go one of two ways. Either extreme happiness or extreme disappointment.

[FTMDiaries]

What does she want from you? For you to keep seeing her and paying her for every session, of course.

From your previous postings on the subject it seems she is pretty clueless about what you want or need, and she obviously doesn't share your sense of urgency. I'd advise you to start the session by reminding her that she has said you're ready for the transition, and politely ask her to write you the T letter there & then. She might have simply forgotten that she'd agreed to it because she sees so many patients - so give her a nudge.

Explain to her that you have certain deadlines by which you want to achieve certain goals. Explain how the delay in starting T is having a negative impact on your life. Write down the timetable to which you'd like to work and take it in with you. She's not going to take hints from you: she needs you to be specific and clear about what you want. At all times, be friendly and polite, but firm and confident. If your mother backs up what you're saying, it might finally sink in with the therapist.

And if she messes you around again, ask her why she wants you to delay further - then change therapists if you don't like the answer.

[Stewie]

What does she want from you? For you to keep seeing her and paying her for every session, of course.

This is hilarious! Pretty much. Although, she did tell me I don't need to see her that much anymore too! So I have no idea. Either way, I appreciate the input. I think I am going to write down a good time table and explain myself to her. I'm going to be clear about what I want. I'm just EXTREMELY scared of the very possible "No" I will get from her.

As for changing therapists, I just don't want to have to deal with another person. I really hate doctors and therapists in general. I have had terrible experiences with all of them and I just want this process to go to the next step so I can get on with my life.

[FTMDiaries]

I'm just EXTREMELY scared of the very possible "No" I will get from her.

As for changing therapists, I just don't want to have to deal with another person. I really hate doctors and therapists in general. I have had terrible experiences with all of them and I just want this process to go to the next step so I can get on with my life.

I understand completely. But if she keeps saying 'no', she is in fact wasting your time and you'd have to start somewhere else anyway. Which is frustrating, I know - but you don't need timewasters standing in your way.

And don't forget: you don't specifically need her permission to be who you are. She is just one of many people who could help you get the treatment you need, and at the end of the day that is what you're paying her for. Her job is to help you, so make sure she hears from you how you want her to do that.

[Stewie]

I agree. You're right. It just sucks big time to think that I have wasted this much time with her. BUT I'm gonna stay positive. And I am going to ask her for the letter! I have my courage now! LOL Let's see how long that lasts.

[Brooke777]

I hope it all works out. Let us know how it goes. Good luck.

[DanicaCarin]

Okay, so I have pretty much been seeing her since either June/July. You guys have pretty much seen my experience with her. Some ignorant comments here and there. A couple of sessions ago she said I was ready for this transition but there was no talk about the T Letter. And last time, I thought there would be but of course, there was not. Which is crazy because this is what she told me. She said that she doesn't even think I need to see her anymore on a monthly basis. I should only make appointments for when I think I need to talk...WTF! So what am I supposed to do? Just sit at home and wait a few months until I can't take it anymore and have a talk with her?

Anyway, I've been thinking and I don't want to have to deal with telling prof's next semester that I'm trans. I want to just be me. I want an ID that says my name. So I'm hoping to get the name change process started and get it done before classes start. I discussed it with my mother and she's all up for it. She is going in with me to my appointment and after that we are going to the clerk of courts in my county to get the paperwork. She's also going to help me get a list of endo's for me to have. So hopefully this will ALL work to my advantage when I go see this woman.

I just don't know what else to do. This lady admits I don't need to see her anymore but she doesn't give me a letter? I want to get the letter so that I actually get put on T and can start passing/binding. I want to avoid the binding as much as possible which is why I am waiting for T.

What do you guys think? Should I just ask for the letter? I just don't know what this woman wants from me.

Actually, it may be the last "test", You asking for HRT. i asked two months in, pleading, at least let me have anti androgens? After I asked it worked out to 3 months(2x month), which seems to be the "minimum" time for a therapist to give the OK.

Ask her! Worst she can say is not quite yet! And if she says that she will most likely state why.

Let us know how it goes.......

[Brooke777]

Actually, it may be the last "test", You asking for HRT. i asked two months in, pleading, at least let me have anti androgens? After I asked it worked out to 3 months(2x month), which seems to be the "minimum" time for a therapist to give the OK.

I am not sure everywhere has a "minimum" time. I asked for hrt the same day I came out to my therapist. She made me a consoltation for the endo while I was still in her office. Granted, I had been seeing her for quite a while before I came out to her.

[Stewie]

I am not sure everywhere has a "minimum" time. I asked for hrt the same day I came out to my therapist. She made me a consoltation for the endo while I was still in her office. Granted, I had been seeing her for quite a while before I came out to her.

I hate that they say "Let's look at the WPATH standards" and then I have had various therapists say that they want me to be in therapy for a year. So everywhere has had a minimum in my case. And it's been a terrible minimum.

lol also for this being a test, I hate tests! I hate mind games like this but oh well. I'm going to take things into my own hands.

[Brooke777]

I hate that they say "Let's look at the WPATH standards" and then I have had various therapists say that they want me to be in therapy for a year. So everywhere has had a minimum in my case. And it's been a terrible minimum.

That totally sucks! I am sorry things are going so ruff for you at this moment.

[Stewie]

That totally sucks! I am sorry things are going so ruff for you at this moment.

It's all good! i have support from my girlfriend and my mother. That's all I need and hopefully things DO work out with this lady

[aleon515]

Oh man, I hate all these games. I wish I could mail my counselor to you.
I think that you should be able to ask. I'm not sure what the therapist is thinking or wants. Why dont' they just tell you straight out?


--Jay J

[Stewie]

Oh man, I hate all these games. I wish I could mail my counselor to you.
I think that you should be able to ask. I'm not sure what the therapist is thinking or wants. Why dont' they just tell you straight out?


--Jay J

I don't know why they don't tell us. Probably because everything is a "journey" to them lol

[Brooke777]

They don't say straight out what they are looking for because their job is to guide you to know what it is you need. They are not supposed to tell you, that would defeat the purpose of psychology.

[aleon515]

To be fair though, even though I believe that my counselor will sign anything like this if I feel ready myself, I am pretty sure he would not volunteer it. It isn't a game in his case, it isn't his job to "suggest" that I would go on T or whatever. So I don't know if that is what is going on as it may not sound like it. But I actually don't know this person so I couldn't say. I would guess VERY few therapists are going to volunteer this. I know that in actuality, therapists have a gatekeeper function. I am pretty sure that many of them would not like to be viewed this way.

If I don't go the informed consent route, I am pretty sure when I will ask. BTW, is there anyone who does informed consent around there??

--Jay J

[FTMDiaries]

It's great to hear you have your mother's & girlfriend's support and that you've plucked up the courage to ask for what you need. Best of luck with the therapist and please let us know how it goes.