Therapists: male vs female!

[ThatTallGirl]

Hello brothers and sisters!
I have some interesting questions for you.

When first looking for a therapist, did you intentionally look for therapists with the gender you were transitioning to? For example, MTF looking for female therapist and FTM looking for male therapists?

For those of you who have had therapy, were you more comfortable talking with male or female therapists?

Should the gender of your therapist hinder your own judgment when looking for one?

Do you feel that a MTF can have a successful session with a male therapist and vise versa for FTM?

Thank you

[Rena-san]

I  have always preferred females. I'm a bit of a misandrist--yeah, a major miandrist actually. However, for some reason, my therapist I first came out to was male. He is a homosexual, and he is much older than I am. If he would have been around my age, I don't think I would have felt ok talking to him. I hate men my age.
I think that the gender of any person shouldn't matter, so long as you feel comfortable talking with them.

[Kitteh Engimeer]

I looked for both male and female, and decided via brief phone intros. I ended up choosing a female therapist. In hindsight, I think it was the best choice for me since females have a bit more of an empathetic vibe, while the male therapists seemed just a tad more objective (let me emphasize that this is my opinion in general and can't always be true ). I do think objective therapy can be effective for some people, but I like when someone humors my self-concerned ramblings and digressions on the occasion.

Overall, I don't think you should choose a therapist on the basis of gender unless you're simply more comfortable with a particular sex. Might help to question if you prefer speaking to your mother or father about your problems. Be prepared to open up in your life story, deepest fears, regrets, joys, etc. to the person you choose. Their responses (or lack of) should put you at ease, while helping you come across resolutions.

[kelly_aus]

I picked my therapist based on experience and reputation - gender was never part of the selection process.

Turns out his reputation has been somewhat tarnished by a group of local trans people - I'm guessing he told them things they didn't want to hear or asked questions they didn't want to answer. He's done the same to me, but I understand the rules of the game so I was expecting some of that..

[twit]

I picked mine based on experience and qualifications. She is also married to an ftm.  I haven't seen her in a number of years though.

[Dawn Heart]

1. I had to look for a therapist who does various types of therapy since I have various different needs. I live with Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, and Gender Dysphoria.

2. I didn't get a choice of therapists, but got lucky with having a female assigned to me. I wanted a female and got it!

3. Females tend to be more educated, with more understanding and a firmer grasp of mental health matters. They tend to challenge your thinking more, which leads to healthier growth for the patient and a better professional working relationship between the patient and the therapist. Many of us have times when our thought process can be disorganized at times, so having someone who knows how to help correct this is a blessing! Females work better with MTF from my own personal experience because they can help the real female thought life and mental health of another female better than a male can. Female therapists tend to help MTF patients learn more of how to think and behave as a female, how to deal with certain anxious situations, etc.

4. Female therapists know how to light the fire under your rear end, or hold your heels to the fire when you start to slip or lose focus, but they do it with dignity and care; they do it from an educated perspective that runs deeper than any male that I have ever seen.

5. Female therapists have more of a "bedside" manner (for lack of a better word), and really want to know more of their patients' minds and emotions so they can link the emotional, psychological, thought process, reasoning, and physical reactions. I think they have a better ability to realistically measure the strengths, weaknesses, and abilities of a person and then cross reference that with the person's reactions to topics of discussion, their honesty, their actions in and out of the therapy environment, and much more. This is where the art meets the science of mental health.

6. Females are naturally analytical people, especially those who are trained properly to provide intensive, specialized, targeted, psychology or psychiatry services.

7. Female therapists are more compassionate, supportive, honest (sometimes brutally honest), caring, guides. Females in the mental health profession tend to help bring people back to life psychologically and emotionally by being skilled guides as they help us get from where we are when we meet them, to where we need to be. 

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

I select mine because he was rated a one of the best in the Portland area.  It wasn't until our second meeting I learn how he knew so much about Transsexuals.  He is FtM.

[kelly_aus]

1. I had to look for a therapist who does various types of therapy since I have various different needs. I live with Depression, Anxiety, PTSD, and Gender Dysphoria.

2. I didn't get a choice of therapists, but got lucky with having a female assigned to me. I wanted a female and got it!

3. Females tend to be more educated, with more understanding and a firmer grasp of mental health matters. They tend to challenge your thinking more, which leads to healthier growth for the patient and a better professional working relationship between the patient and the therapist. Many of us have times when our thought process can be disorganized at times, so having someone who knows how to help correct this is a blessing! Females work better with MTF from my own personal experience because they can help the real female thought life and mental health of another female better than a male can. Female therapists tend to help MTF patients learn more of how to think and behave as a female, how to deal with certain anxious situations, etc.

4. Female therapists know how to light the fire under your rear end, or hold your heels to the fire when you start to slip or lose focus, but they do it with dignity and care; they do it from an educated perspective that runs deeper than any male that I have ever seen.

5. Female therapists have more of a "bedside" manner (for lack of a better word), and really want to know more of their patients' minds and emotions so they can link the emotional, psychological, thought process, reasoning, and physical reactions. I think they have a better ability to realistically measure the strengths, weaknesses, and abilities of a person and then cross reference that with the person's reactions to topics of discussion, their honesty, their actions in and out of the therapy environment, and much more. This is where the art meets the science of mental health.

6. Females are naturally analytical people, especially those who are trained properly to provide intensive, specialized, targeted, psychology or psychiatry services.

7. Female therapists are more compassionate, supportive, honest (sometimes brutally honest), caring, guides. Females in the mental health profession tend to help bring people back to life psychologically and emotionally by being skilled guides as they help us get from where we are when we meet them, to where we need to be.

I was going to answer each point individually, but I can sum all my responses in one go.. What a load of sexist bollocks!

My therapist is a gay guy - and sometimes he's more of a woman than I am.. Besides which, he's great - no pussyfooting around with him, he's more than happy to call you on your BS. He's also happy to provide a caring ear and even a shoulder to cry on when it's needed.

[~RoadToTrista~]

I perfer women. >.< Nothing against men but I'd just feel way more uncomfortable if I had to pour all my dirty secrets out onto some random guy, lolz

[Cindy]

Kelly and I have the same therapist.

I have found him to an outstanding person with great empathy and understanding. He doesn't suffer fools very well, but that is understandable. He cares for his patients. I also don't think he is my therapist any longer, he is a friend that I talk to every-now and again and usually about nothing to do with me. But he keeps his eye on me which is fine.

What you look for is some one who is critical, understanding and not interested in BS. If you end up as an MtF with your balls cut off and regret it then you had a bad therapist. If  you end up as an FtM with a hysto and top surgery and regret it you had a bad therapist. If you are guided into making your own decisions in an enlightened and receptive manner and enjoy life and live as a normal human being and fit into society in the way you wish; you have a good therapist.

I think if you have a therapist who agrees with everything you say, they are bad. If you have one who doesn't believe anything they are bad. If you have one who listens and suggest and guides. They are good.

IMO

Just reviewing my post. The poor bugga has to put up with Kelly and I. Maybe he needs a therapist

Cindy

[kelly_aus]

Kelly and I have the same therapist.

I have found him to an outstanding person with great empathy and understanding. He doesn't suffer fools very well, but that is understandable. He cares for his patients. I also don't think he is my therapist any longer, he is a friend that I talk to every-now and again and usually about nothing to do with me. But he keeps his eye on me which is fine.

Yeah, it's gotten to be more of a kinda social catch up for me too.. I think I'm going to suggest we have future appointments at the cafe around the corner - and he can buy the coffee.. 

Just reviewing my post. The poor bugga has to put up with Kelly and I. Maybe he needs a therapist

Cindy

And to think that you and I are probably some of the easiest to deal with patients he has.. I think he almost certainly needs a therapist - and very probably has one.

[Cindy]

And to think that you and I are probably some of the easiest to deal with patients he has.. I think he almost certainly needs a therapist - and very probably has one.

He has. Us

[Padma]

I got assigned a male therapist at the gender clinic - it took me longer to feel safe with him (though it helps that he's younger than me) but now I really appreciate him. Interestingly, from chatting with other trans women at the clinic, he seems to be more open-minded than the women therapists there about gender-stereotypical presentation, so I got lucky being assigned to him.

In the past, I've chosen male therapists to help me work out my dad stuff, and then women for the mum stuff . But the bottom line is whether I feel comfortable and safe with them, and whether I feel they're up to coping with the weirdness of me .

[Dawn Heart]

I was going to answer each point individually, but I can sum all my responses in one go.. What a load of sexist bollocks!

My therapist is a gay guy - and sometimes he's more of a woman than I am.. Besides which, he's great - no pussyfooting around with him, he's more than happy to call you on your BS. He's also happy to provide a caring ear and even a shoulder to cry on when it's needed.

I'm sorry I came off as sexist, there was no intent to be seen / heard that way. Surely, we can find things here that we can both agree on, and on others we can agree to disagree on while keeping it friendly, no? In all honesty, I do see how you came up with your response to me though. I have had two good male therapists, and two bad female therapists in my lifetime. By this ratio, you might summarize that two bad females and two good males has its own connotations on the surface, and would indeed lead to me being a bit biased without intending to be.

My experiences with males altogether has been shaky, even more so than with females. It was those experiences that made me feel safer with females and having a higher regard for female therapists. I will agree that there are indeed good male therapists, whether they be straight or gay, or whatever they identify as. I just have my own opinion is what it boils down to, since I automatically take longer to trust males.   

[ShawnaB]

When I went hunting for a therapist I had this list in mind:
http://www.pinktherapy.com/en-gb/findatherapist/choosingatherapist.aspx
with some obvious substitutions.

I "interviewed" a number of therapists in person and through email before choosing the one I'm working with now. Some were men, some where women, one was even a trans woman. Some were independent, others worked for the GIC in London but freelanced on the side (would have been weird going to CharX for private therapy sessions).

I also have a number of things beyond gender stuff that I'm working on and was lucky enough to find someone who has enough similar and/or relevant experience in all areas, and respects my other processes in the areas she doesn't cover.

The most important thing for me is that my therapist is helping me be a better version of me and nothing else. The timelines for letters have all come and gone, and the letters written without a fuss, and I'm still working with my therapist over a year later. That relationship is with a person that I'm safe and comfortable with, not a gender or sex.

[PHXGiRL]

When I first initially started I looked for a female and it worked out the complete opposite. My first therapist actually was a FTM. I was all set up to meet Courtney when I got to the office and out came Kyle. It was great because he helped me a lot. After seeing him for 3 months he eventually had to stop taking one on one appointments and he referred me to a gay male therapist and I have been going to him for the last 5 months. I don't feel though I'd could see a straight male therapist just because I feel uncomfortable around 90% of males.