Great day gone bad

[Beverly]

Bev:  Going to use my computer and a locked file for now

I wanted to write mine by hand, but if the computer works for you then do that.

I found writing it was more personal and it gave me the opportunity to feminise my handwriting and practice it. With the book being A6 in size I can take it with me in my handbag wherever I go. When I went sailing in the summer I took it with me and wrote up my thoughts and feelings at the end of each day.

And I like the idea of a daily index.

That has proven so useful....

[Rita]

I don't like diaries because I internalize things differently but if I did have a diary like everything else important in my life I usually rather write it on paper.  There is just something about physically putting it on paper that helps with expression. 

Its better for free flowing expression, since typing on a computer can feel too cold for me.

I love writing silly stories, and fantasies that appear in my mind.  No one will ever see them hehe but  I think it is important to supplement negative energy with something positive!  I usually drown my sorrows in a bucket of pretzels and cheese from fridays hehe.

In fact even when I am happy I do that -giggles-.  (I am going through an textual expression phase, damn role playing game servers!)

[Cindy]

I suppose I keep more of a journal. I was reading it last night, thanks Kathy you inspired me to go back.

I can't believe it. I just can't believe it. Who was that person? Good riddance to him.

[justmeinoz]

I saw a movie on Intersex last night by a dear friend and Intersex person, "Intersexion".  Sort of puts things into perspective when you realise you are just a part of a great big mosaic of people who don't fit society's boxes.  You have as much right to be who you want to be, and are as valuable as anyone else.  All 7 Billion of us do, and none of us are any better than anyone else. Or worse.

Diarying is a good idea. There is something about actually writing things down that doesn't apply to typing, perhaps the physical connection to the pen and what it is producing that is therapeutic.  I have been keeping a journal since I started transition and it allows me to get a lot of things out but still remain private.

We all have bad days, it comes with being a woman I guess, and just proves we are.  Much better than the emotional constipation I suffered from previously.

Karen.

[Beverly]

Much better than the emotional constipation I suffered from previously.

If this place had a "Like" button for a post, I would be pressing it.....

[kathy bottoms]

Diarying is a good idea. There is something about actually writing things down that doesn't apply to typing, perhaps the physical connection to the pen and what it is producing that is therapeutic.  ....

Hi Karen:
Switching to a diary book when I get back to California on Nov 2.
Also did hand written daily job inspection reports at work, and I always added sketches of the design changes I approved.   And once in a while there would be a little doodle, or some artwork left on the sheet as I thought about how to fix a problem on a job site.  I miss drawing in ink.  It's so permanent.

Kathy

[Eva Marie]

Kathy - that's fantastic that you started a journal. Like you it felt silly to me when i started one but like someone else said it's the actual writing in it that's therapeutic.  And now when i go back and read entries in my journal i can remember what i was feeling at that time; memories and events that would have been lost forever to the fog of time if i hadn't captured them. And a journal provides an outlet for private things that you might not want to share here or anywhere else.

[sally1990]

I can empathize on a somewhat of a level, then I think of how terrible and how that isn't the womanly me, I find what helps me is going into a mode where I am so positive , " Oh wow your face is horrible today" nothing ffs can't fix, "oh wow top of your hair is balding" nothing a bit of extra hair from sides can't fix , "oh wow your broad shouldered" nothing clothing can't fix. "wow i'm so tall compared to my sisters" ohh well there's heaps of tall girls its ok. "oh wow your skin is horrible in that photo" nothing makeup can't fix , "oh wow you look like your in drag" ok time to remove the eye liner" =). Honestly I know it can get depressing , i'm not one of them people that smile all the time and think life is wonderful and that i'm going to be photogenic and rest of it all. But I have learnt being positive and knowing you can be the the image of your womanly self,  if you look masculine in them photos one day you will be so happy with yourself and think back on it and think meh that didn't even represent me. I havn't even started E , and Its a weird feeling because I see myself with short hair and I know its me in them pictures, but it didn't do any justice of showing the image of me what soever.

[KayCeeDee]

Kathy, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences here online with all of us. It really helps me feel not so alone and also prepare for what lies ahead. Also loving the support of everyone here.

[kathy bottoms]

.........And a journal provides an outlet for private things that you might not want to share here or anywhere else.

You're right Riven.  Already added some deep and dark things that I can barely stand thinking about, along with a few things that made up the best times of my life.

...... I find what helps me is going into a mode where I am so positive , ......

I wish I could do that Sally, but it takes me a while to get back to being positive.  Sometimes one or two days.  But when things do level off I find myself more determined than ever to make my transition better.

Kathy, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts, feelings, and experiences here online with all of us. It really helps me feel not so alone and also prepare for what lies ahead. Also loving the support of everyone here.

Oh my, thanks Kay.  Sometimes I think someone should give me a little kick in the shin so Ill stop.  But the support here has been so helpful to me also.  I have some real difficult times and it's beautiful to no longer tlive in a lonely darkness.  Yeah, I'm a bit depressed again today.  Sorry.

Kathy