Is it really all about passing?

[noeleena]

Hi.

Im an intersexed woman.  born both male / female at birth, How i look is irrelevant,  very masculine facial features,

After being in the media interviewed for our two main T V stations nation wide, for papers & the net, talked to large groups & seen by 1000's of people, . i dought my looks had any thing to do with what iv been able to do. & judgeing by the comments iv received,  no one cares because they have looked past how i look or dont,

Im accepted as a full women ,live as one & work with many people, who know my background so whats left to be bothered about, not only here in N Z , Austraila as well. & Thailand .

Im known as noeleena & thats my name,  allso a member of socity & many groups,

So for my self what has any of this to do with passing or blending in ,in my case total nothing,

& had i passed would i have had the opoortunity to do what iv done over the last few years,

id have to say ....no.....I belive to be accepted is the most impotaint detail not how one looks & that iv proved time & time again.

...noeleena...

[Medusa]

I newer pass well as a boy, I was always called a girl or at age over 20 can pass as small boy 
So after 4 months of low dose I pass 100%

[yasuko14]

I think.. Iv'e gone far and beyond just wanting to pass.. X.X

There was a time where I just wanted to pass as female period.
Now Iv'e set my standard even higher to be prettier than most women. Somewhere along the line I wanted to become flawless and took a liking to the porcelain look. Something about being beautiful just screams a big ->-bleeped-<- you to all the haters of my past and I am proud yet content with my current appearance. So in essence, once I began to pass I just kept the ball rolling and now I'm in a whole different area with different appearance goals..

As for makeup, I try to keep it natural and flawless focusing on my skin. I do go out at night to 711 sometimes without makeup, or to walk around my dorm. I don't like going out makeup-less but I will do it at times.

*My biggest complex is without makeup I still see a 10 year old boy in the mirror...

[Kelly J. P.]

^ These are the things you should be hearing from people who know, or knew you pre transition. When you hear these things, you KNOW you blend.

People don't talk to me.

[peky]

I am a professional woman with a deep voice, working two jobs, and a single parent. Home chores include: lots of cooking, grocery shopping, doctors appointments, after-school activities, home-works; G-d that lives me with very little time to worry about passing (or not)

Frankly dear, I do not give a damn

yeah, and most days I do without any make up, and when I do put make up is only eyeshowds, eyeliner, and blush. No fundations of any kind.

@ Brooke777, I also take care of 4 dogs and 2 cats 

[Brooke777]

@ Brooke777, I also take care of 4 dogs and 2 cats 

I will trade you my son's mother for the 4 dogs and 2 cats I will even pay you monthly for expenses.

[Rita]

Passing as a woman in the eyes of others is a major boost of confidence... and an important goal of transition.

Problem is some see it as a beauty contest within themselves, when its not.  Passing is about feeling and being acknowledged as a woman, beauty can be augmented.

I have seen XX Females that have more masculine faces than most people on this forum...

[Alainaluvsu]

I think.. Iv'e gone far and beyond just wanting to pass.. X.X

There was a time where I just wanted to pass as female period.
Now Iv'e set my standard even higher to be prettier than most women. Somewhere along the line I wanted to become flawless and took a liking to the porcelain look. Something about being beautiful just screams a big <not allowed> you to all the haters of my past and I am proud yet content with my current appearance. So in essence, once I began to pass I just kept the ball rolling and now I'm in a whole different area with different appearance goals..

I'm in the same boat. Women pretty much all do the same thing. But of course if you're prettier than they are, they're freaking haters. I used to LOVE cis women pre-hrt. I loved my ->-bleeped-<--hags. Now most of them I meet are snotty brats that don't even smile when talking to me unless there's a reason for them to be nice. But of course you tell them you're trans... they love ya! They know if a guy they want is hitting on you, they can just tell him your secret....

People don't talk to me.

Not even your family? Half of those comments came from friends that knew me before, or my brother or sister.

[Alainaluvsu]

Passing as a woman in the eyes is a major boost of confidence... and an important goal of transition.

Problem is some see it as a beauty contest within themselves, when its not.  Passing is about feeling and being acknowledged as a woman, beauty can be augmented.

Beauty is a competitive instrument among women. Most cis girls want to be beautiful.

[Jayne]

I don't pass most of the time, when I do it's the best feeling in the world.

Because I can't always use make-up, I can't be my true self right now, once i've had my shadow removed i'll start full time straight away.
For me it's more important that I feel comfortable with myself, for example i'm off to the shops in  a minute, I haven't been able to wear make-up for a week so i'm wearing jeans & a long sleeved top, I know they're from the womens clothing section but most people wont notice.
They may notice my butterfly earings & bright red nails bit I don't care.

I also don't care if people think i'm ugly or beautiful, as long as people see me as female everything else is negotiable

[Jayne]

I haven't voted on the poll as none of the options seem right for me, my vote would be something like "I try to pass when I can but if I don't i'm not going to let it get in the way of me living my life"

[Alainaluvsu]

I also don't care if people think i'm ugly or beautiful, as long as people see me as female everything else is negotiable

I also thought this... it's amazing how that changes if you blend.

[Jayne]

I also thought this... it's amazing how that changes if you blend.

I'd thought for years that being pretty was one of the most important things in transitioning but had to think long & hard about that when my mother stated that I shouldn't transition as i'd be an ugly woman.
It hurt to hear that from her but after quite a bit of soul searching I realised that being pretty/beautiful isn't my top priority.

I've changed my mind once so I wouldn't be shocked if I see-saw on this opinion for years.

[Beverly]

I also thought this... it's amazing how that changes if you blend.

Maybe at your age. I am a good 20 years older than you and that part of my life (attracting others) has been dormant for a long, long time. Being accepted and looking as feminine as I can manage is all I want.

I would rather be pretty than ugly, but I would far, far, far rather be accepted as a woman.

[Alainaluvsu]

I would far, far, far rather be accepted as a woman.

True. As I told my former classmate, I'd rather be the ugliest girl than the prettiest guy.

[Brooke777]

True. As I told my former classmate, I'd rather be the ugliest girl than the prettiest guy.

This is the point I find myself at right now.

[Stephe]

And you will pass better if you relax. Passing is 70% pure confidence.

You can add another 25% by getting a half decent voice, no obvious beard shadow and dressing appropriately for your age. Learning to move like woman helps too.

Everything else fits in the remaining 5%

I found it simply amazing when I realised how important confidence was. I had decided that most of the people I met would never see me again so their opinions on how I looked or what they thought of me were irrelevant. Since I would probably never see them again why worry about what they think?

As soon as I did that I relaxed and people stopped staring at me. If you look like you have nothing to worry about people ignore you. The second you look stressed they pick it up and watch you like a hawk.

Walk around like you own the place. If someone looks at you think "I do not care what you make of me", smile slightly and break eye contact and go about your business. They will stop looking at you and thus you 'pass'.

It takes practice. Just do it and after a few days you will see the truth of it (assuming you do not have a beard down to your waist or make loud belching and f*rting noises)

This covers it.

All the "other stuff" really is about 5% or less. I "passed' + lived full time for several years with no HRT, No electrolysis, really nothing other than paying attention that I -looked reasonable- for my age/where I was and just attitude.

I didn't see anything on the list of choices that fits me. Being treated as a woman is what I care about. I'm not concerned if I pass as a natal female. I do want to look cute/attractive and I do work at that.

[Kelly J. P.]

Not even your family? Half of those comments came from friends that knew me before, or my brother or sister.

Oh. Those particular people talk to me.

I don't get those comments though.

[Ave]

This covers it.

All the "other stuff" really is about 5% or less. I "passed' + lived full time for several years with no HRT, No electrolysis, really nothing other than paying attention that I -looked reasonable- for my age/where I was and just attitude.

I didn't see anything on the list of choices that fits me. Being treated as a woman is what I care about. I'm not concerned if I pass as a natal female. I do want to look cute/attractive and I do work at that.

I really don't think presentation is that important I think it really just comes down to physically how you come across. Do you look physically male or female? Is what people usually just ask themselves.

[Stephe]

I really don't think presentation is that important I think it really just comes down to physically how you come across. Do you look physically male or female? Is what people usually just ask themselves.

Guess we have to agree to disagree.

One thing I have noted on most trans forums I have read, the people who aren't living full time yet all think getting every little detail of their appearance perfect is what will make them pass/be accepted by society while people who are living full time -mostly- say it's more about your attitude and self confidence. Without that, it doesn't matter how "passable" you look. Sure you have to look reasonably close to your target gender but there is more to how the person acts/sounds etc than their appearance. I guess online we focus on what someone looks like in pictures so much we start to believe that is what matters most?