Do any of you feel like you're passing but then...

[Stephanie.Izann]

First off, I just want to thank ALL OF YOU that have been honest with me about my looks and stuff. I really appreciate it. As mentioned it's just hard to figure it out sometimes. I am agreeing with most of you on things. However, being 5'12  <---LOL   I don't think is too much of a problem. My adoptive mom is 6 feet, she's got bigger hands than I do BUT she has such a beautiful face. So the height doesn't bother me as much as everything else.  And I agree with it's about the FULL PICTURE. Since I am not completely full time. I still have to play the boy sometimes. And it's HARD for me to make back-n-forth thing between boy and girl and then come to a 100% full time girl. So, I'm SURE I can work on that as well.  I went to the salon yesterday and got my hair cut (see I listen to you guys). The woman next to me said I looked so pretty and she loved my hair. I'm taking baby steps with the hair...eventually I want to go for that Victoria Secret hair. LOL My body is okay...by no means perfect. I got blessed by genetics and HRT with some awesome curves. On halloween I had a man walk up to me and tell me that he loves curvy tall girls. That same night I got a club promoter coming up to my partner and I and asking us "pretty ladies" to come to his club. AGAIN, that's NEVER happened to me. BUT, then I went to the gay part of town, and the moment I'm walking out of a bar a lesbian says outloud to the door guy, "Man, ->-bleeped-<-s  love this Halloween stuff." I'm pretty sure she was referring to me. Luckily, my partner was there to catch me as I deflated from being on top of the world to later posting on here.

Some days, are just better than others. And honestly, I can't wait to go fulltime. I feel like I am going to lose my mind playing this ping-pong game. You gals really picked me up with your honesty and sincerity. I REALLY appreciate it. It's also good to hear everyones perspective on things and how you related to my post. So, I'm going to keep "de-programming" my boy self, and try my hardest to enjoy all the good stuff.

Still listening,
Stephie

[Hikari]

Just today walking out of the store, a little girl pointed at me and said "daddy, daddy, what is that a boy or a girl?" He looked over toward me and just said " Destiny, get in the car, both of you, we are gonna be late".

At least the guy spared the 'I don't know' in front of me. I am not sure if that should make me happy as I was wearing some plain black work slacks and a plain black hoodie, not in girl mode at all. At the same point, it does get me down to be seen as other no matter how I am presenting, I just wanna be a normal woman.

[Alainaluvsu]

Well Steph... in a gay bar I almost automatically assume any girl over 5'11" is trans if I don't get a good look at them. I would take what the lesbian said with a grain of salt. But then again... maybe what you're wearing is highlighting the most masculine features about you. Gotta remember... the hip bone comes up higher on cis women, and on tall girls that is a HUGE highlight into what kind of puberty they went through, if you catch my drift.

[michelle]

Its really strange where I live in NE Florida.   There lots of different kinds of people from all over with some of them being limited English speakers.   About four years ago I presented as male when I was substitute teaching all over town and I had both adults and students call me ma'am one moment and the next call me sir.   Now that I am my female self dressing like I do in my avatar, I am still called sir one moment and ma'am the next.   I am also called, "Sweetie,"  "Dearie," "Honey," which waitresses and clerks seem to use interchangeably with both males and females. 

Lots of times, I don't know rather, I pass or not.   My girl friend, calls, me Michael, and refers to me as he.   I really don't care.   At my age, I have come to conclude that I can't change what others think.   To me, I am she.   Being retired at almost 66 and living on Social Security it hardly matters.

My message to younger trans people is that, don't worry, you will survive,  you will get older, and someday, you, too, will become an invisible senior citizen.   Just keep yourself together.   Consistently be yourself and you will survive.   And if you don't survive, at least you tried.   If nothing else I hope that in living my life,  those that follow after me will have an easier go of it.   

[Vicky]

At a year + of RLE, my only hit on being read was back on Halloween and the reason for that was "only a guy would look as pretty as you do on Halloween."  His mother, who looked like he had been giving her a hard time gave him the dirtiest look you can imagine without it being lethal.  I actually gave her a girl to girl look that she returned with a grin, she accepted me.

One of the things I wrote about somewhere else on passing was that I have had many years of experience in a field that required me to carefully observe and later report my observations on law enforcement related situations.  When I retired from the job, I was able to relax and do what comes naturally on seeing people.  I go lazy and my observation skills have to be manually resusitated to use them.  Most people never learn and are following the natural lazy pattern.  Like you, they can see every defect in themselves or close family or friend, but the stranger on the street needs to be VERY strange for them to even see that person.  Here on this forum, looking at your picture I will see you as transgendered, even if you are DDG (drop dead gorgeous) as any GG.  I might jokingly accuse some people as posting pictures of their sister, but I will say I am joking, but here I see you as trans no matter what.  On the street without knowing a thing about you, I will not look to your being trans unless something way out catches my eye, or unless I have turned the "observation alert" key on which I am lazy and no longer need or want to do.  That is what a normal person does.  On the other hand, if I am walking by a noted TG Club, I am going to see a trans person in even the cis/het SO's of the other girls there.  Out going to the grocery store, Wal Mart or whatever, big time, long time pass because no one is looking.

[Stephe]

On the whole passing thing, I have never had anyone say a word to me about using the ladies restroom or changing areas. Me and a GF of mine spent 2 hour today trying on clothes at Belks, talking the whole time, asking other women what they thought etc. I would assume if I wasn't passable, someone would have been rude or said something/acted weird..

If I have started to walk into the wrong one (brain fart), people stop me and point me to the womens side. I'm just under 6' tall and yes, that does draw attention but it seems favorable to me. I have a lot of guys checking me out I have very long shapely legs which most women would die for. I worked very hard for a good voice and that really paid off. I know I am clocked from time to time but I live my life as a woman and no one seems to care. And no, I don't live in a place that is super GLBT friendly. I just think I "present" close enough where people are comfortable seeing me as a woman? Whatever, it works for me. 

[aprilrain]

I'd like to say a word about confidence, while confidence is great and will certainly get you out the door it takes more than confidence to convince joe shmoe that he (or she) is looking at a woman. I have seen CDers out and about and i could tell they were CDers from yards away. I didn't go up to them and say "hey i can tell your a CDer!" I just minded my own business.

I think you look good, that being said you do have some mild masculine facial features which i'm sure are the reason you are being read. Someone already mentioned your brow bossing and i noticed a wider chin than most natal females. Yes there are woman who have some strong facial features but usually its only one or two things and otherwise they are endowed with an unmistakably female body, that is usually not the case for most of us who not only battle facial features but masculine bodies as well.

[Stephanie.Izann]

I'd like to say a word about confidence, while confidence is great and will certainly get you out the door it takes more than confidence to convince joe shmoe that he (or she) is looking at a woman. I have seen CDers out and about and i could tell they were CDers from yards away. I didn't go up to them and say "hey i can tell your a CDer!" I just minded my own business.

I think you look good, that being said you do have some mild masculine facial features which i'm sure are the reason you are being read. Someone already mentioned your brow bossing and i noticed a wider chin than most natal females. Yes there are woman who have some strong facial features but usually its only one or two things and otherwise they are endowed with an unmistakably female body, that is usually not the case for most of us who not only battle facial features but masculine bodies as well.

Yep, I agree on the brow and the nose..the chin...ehhh not as much. But I really appreciate your honesty. You're pretty.

I was in an elevator today, and everyone got out except for this one man. After the doors closed he said, "You're a beautiful woman."  I was in total and utter shock!  But hey, I'll take what I can get.  I'm still look for an FFS doctor. I'm looking at Chestawatt, DiMaggio, and Osterhout for now.  I was thinking of getting my nose done first since that's what really bugs me the most.

Again, I really appreciate your sincere honesty and everyones advice. I don't have any T-girl friends around and this is really the only place I have to talk about this. It also helped my depression too.

Cheers!
Stephie

[aprilrain]

You're pretty.

Thank you! I had FFS with Dr Spiegel last January. There was one procedure he wanted to do which I didn't feel I needed (cheek implants) but I decided to go with it anyway and I'm really glad I did. Whoever you decide to go with, listen to them, they do this all the time and know what they are talking about. Also I wouldn't recommend doing FFS piecemeal, each time you have something done your paying for the OR and anesthesia. Not to mention exposing yourself to more risk, namely anesthesia. Just my 2 cents.

[Ave]

A good friend of mine once said that for some people, the bar on "passing" is just "presenting". I think if it makes them happy though, that should be enough

IDK if 100% presenting as male or female would help more than it already does for someone who is doing so. Yesterday I was in lab presenting pretty much like a regular guy with a baseball cap (and I have short hair) and just regular guy clothes but I had three of my classmates use female pronouns and for almost the whole lab until the end.

I'm not sure what it is that makes people get "clocked" or pass anymore...I mean, I do know, but I suppose it's tough navigating that line when as a biological male you don't pass as male...

[Stephanie.Izann]

end.

I'm not sure what it is that makes people get "clocked" or pass anymore...I mean, I do know, but I suppose it's tough navigating that line when as a biological male you don't pass as male...

...Tell me about it.  I was delivering some 7 big bags  of my boy clothes (with my spouses girl clothes too) to the LGBT Youth Center the other day, and the secretary had to call someone to help me out. She got on the phone and said,"There is a young lady here to see you."  Of course, I thought, well, they are just being nice. All I had on was a red plunging V neck and my American Eagle jeans. My hair was finally cut the other day so I felt a little fab. 

Then my therapist (later that day) said "I love your hair, you are really turning into a beautiful woman." 

Then, I'm in the elevator (all this on the same day within hours) going down and a group of men get off leaving one behind. He asks "So, do you live around here?"  I'm caught off guard by this. And I reply "no."  He then says, "You are a very beautiful woman."  I was in shock ( no....really I was) ...and you're gonna laugh, but I was almost crying tears of joy. "Oh thank you so much. You really made my day." And then I got off.   So for me, it was a WOW kinda day! 

Just thought I'd share the good times as well as the bad.

Cheers!
Stephie

[Tristan]

just hear in thailand i have one time where i was clocked. another ladyboy asked me if i was hear for the internatinal ladyboy contest?
i had no idea how to take that so i just told her i was in thailand on holiday.

[mintra]

just hear in thailand i have one time where i was clocked. another ladyboy asked me if i was hear for the internatinal ladyboy contest?
i had no idea how to take that so i just told her i was in thailand on holiday.

Tristan, I can totally understand you find that irritating. But speaking from one who was originally from there, I think she was just being friendly. Thai society is probably the most open about LGBT issue. Most don't care if they are being clocked because they are accepted in general. Many consider themselves as the third sex and were proud of it and they just live life mostly as normal as cisgender. She may have thought the rest of the world are the same. When it comes to legal issue, however, Thailand is still very backward.

[V M]

It is strange, but I often will go through a day with some folks mostly (strangers) regarding me as a woman and others (Mostly people that already knew me) being adamant about still using male pronouns etc.

Having a University in town, we get students from all over the world and often their parents will visit    This evening at the store I overheard a father and son 'guy talking' about me in Italian

I don't speak a lot of Italian, but I learned enough from various friends in younger days to understand what they were saying about me 
Some of it can't be repeated    (They obviously didn't know I could understand quite a bit of what they were saying) But basically the father kinda had the hots for me and his son told him that I was to tall for him 

It did make me feel good so I walked by and gave the father a devious smile 

[Ave]

It is strange, but I often will go through a day with some folks mostly (strangers) regarding me as a woman and others (Mostly people that already knew me) being adamant about still using male pronouns etc.

Having a University in town, we get students from all over the world and often their parents will visit    This evening at the store I overheard a father and son 'guy talking' about me in Italian

I don't speak a lot of Italian, but I learned enough from various friends in younger days to understand what they were saying about me 
Some of it can't be repeated    (They obviously didn't know I could understand quite a bit of what they were saying) But basically the father kinda had the hots for me and his son told him that I was to tall for him 

It did make me feel good so I walked by and gave the father a devious smile 

lol! I remember seeing a pic of you from a thread a long long time ago and you are cute so those italian guys were probably saying some dirty stuff lol.

@stephanie lol, yea men are...odd, interesting, but odd. Since I dress completely like a boy, not overly masculine, but just like a regular guy my age nothing effeminate really (who invented that word? ) they almost always give me that bemused kinda head tilt. Not unfriendly by any means, they're all pleasant,they just really like staring at me to figure me out
a lot
no really, it's a little unnerving?

Women on the other hand can usually go two ways, the automatically concerned mother type (the curse of having a babyface) or just the really friendly let me talk to you even though I'm obviously in a bad mood and spilled my morning coffee on this new jacket way...

I have nothing to compare this to though, I was always feminine in appearance and female-gendered pretty often, which is annoying seeing as my hair has never been "long" even by guy standards and I dress like a guy...

[Tristan]

Tristan, I can totally understand you find that irritating. But speaking from one who was originally from there, I think she was just being friendly. Thai society is probably the most open about LGBT issue. Most don't care if they are being clocked because they are accepted in general. Many consider themselves as the third sex and were proud of it and they just live life mostly as normal as cisgender. She may have thought the rest of the world are the same. When it comes to legal issue, however, Thailand is still very backward.

i figured that as well thats why i did not press the issue. plus she was really nice. as was the girl today

[V M]

lol! I remember seeing a pic of you from a thread a long long time ago and you are cute so those italian guys were probably saying some dirty stuff lol.

It was mostly the father with the wild ideas    He seem to be teasing his son and trying to flatter me at the same time, it gave me both good and bad memories of younger days

Who knows, maybe he was making fun of me, but he did say I was pretty... It was just some of the other things he was saying that I didn't care for

He was just being a stereo typical guy

Doesn't matter really, I'll probably never see them again

[Stephanie.Izann]

just hear in thailand i have one time where i was clocked. another ladyboy asked me if i was hear for the internatinal ladyboy contest?
i had no idea how to take that so i just told her i was in thailand on holiday.

You look beautiful and I wouldn't worry about it too much...Look who's giving you that advice LOL the person that started this thread!
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Last night we went to Lesbian night at a local Bar/Restaurant.  I could tell a few of the women were trying to figure me out. My wife said it was probably all in my mind. When my wife and I were dancing I overheard the girl next to me say "You guys are hot."  But, later I had this really chunky and dare I say FUGLY butch start pointing the finger at me. I have to say my wife is pretty cute too so maybe she was pointing her out.  I handled it really well, when I started to point the finger back at her and mirrored her then she gave up kinda frustrated and walked away.  I'm not the type to let people step all over me anymore....THANKS TO THIS GROUP.

[Brooke777]

It sounds like that was a fun night. I am happy it went so well for you.

[Tristan]

You look beautiful and I wouldn't worry about it too much...Look who's giving you that advice LOL the person that started this thread!
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Last night we went to Lesbian night at a local Bar/Restaurant.  I could tell a few of the women were trying to figure me out. My wife said it was probably all in my mind. When my wife and I were dancing I overheard the girl next to me say "You guys are hot."  But, later I had this really chunky and dare I say FUGLY butch start pointing the finger at me. I have to say my wife is pretty cute too so maybe she was pointing her out.  I handled it really well, when I started to point the finger back at her and mirrored her then she gave up kinda frustrated and walked away.  I'm not the type to let people step all over me anymore....THANKS TO THIS GROUP.

im not. she was really nice about it.