Passing to partner's family?

[bowtiesarecool]

Hello everyone - I've been lurking on this site for a very, very long time now, and I'm sort of struggling with an issue that I figured I would post about, if anything just to vent. The community here seems wonderful, and I'm trying to get over my shyness in regards to posting things. Bare with me, and sorry if this is scattered/badly written, I'm not used to posting on forums/opening up to strangers 

Next month I'm going to be visiting my partner and their family out of state for a little over a week for Christmas. This is the first time I am meeting them, and meeting any of my significant other's parents, at that! However, none of them, with the exception of their mother, knows I'm transgender. They think I am a cis male. While that is absolutely great now, I am incredibly stressed and worried about passing in person, and worried about any teasing/questioning that may come from it. They are as far as I understand a very conservative family, which makes me much more nervous. Among that, dreading the likely situation that I may have to 'come out' to them, as much as I really, REALLY do not want to.

I'm really torn on what to do. Do I come out to them right off the bat to avoid a very awkward situation later? Or just ride it out and pray they don't notice or say anything?

People say I pass very well in photos, but I have absolutely zero confidence about my ability to in person, mostly since I've never been 'sir'ed or referred to as male once outside of the internet. Being short, having more 'feminine' behaviours, and having a higher voice really doesn't help, either. I know my partner will stick up for me... I'm just absolutely terrified about this whole ordeal.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation to this that has any advice they can offer?  Thank you all very much in advance!!

[Felix]

I was in a kinda similar situation with a single parents group once. They knew me online but my ability to pass in person was a bit hit or miss. When I finally attended a gathering I had no trouble passing but I think it was because the people in attendance seemed to have zero awareness of transpeople. The only problem I had was with one guy thinking I was way too young. I think other people who thought that were either too polite to say so or assumed I adopted my daughter.

I'd say the best plan you can have is to be confident and let them follow your lead. When I have been outed to conservative types, a lot of times the fact they find queer stuff so alien helps them understand my not speaking about it. So if you get outed maybe you could maintain your dignity and manhood by being stoic and refusing to talk much about it.

I dunno, though. Just thoughts. Good luck.

[sneakersjay]

I will be in a similar position soon, and I do not believe that my SO has told any of his relatives about my trans history.  Certain members of his family do know a trans man, and at one point my SO told me I looked like said trans man (in a good way; not that I look trans, but that he lusted after this guy one day when at a public gathering, only to find out later he was trans).

I pass, though my voice sucks.  I am nervous, to say the least.  My biggest fear is that my relationship will last, and someone will suggest that our families meet at some point (they live in the same general vicinity as each other, but far enough that their paths won't cross unintentionally) and that my family will out me (they still screw up my name and pronouns).

Jay

[justmeinoz]

About all I could suggest would be to try and out-conservative them on anything other than GLBTI issues.   Hope it goes okay.