Transitioning in College and living with parents (need some advice)

[Dante]

Hello everyone! I've come around today to ask for some advice. You see, I'm going to be starting college next year, and because of the economy I'll be staying with my parents. However, I wanted to start taking testosterone so that I could transition during college and be mostly done with it by the time I get into the workforce. I think this would be the best course of action for me.

This, of course, means that I need to have a talk with my parents. Even though I'll be old enough to make my own medical decisions, I'll be living with them so if they say no I pretty much have to listen. I'll need to be doing this soon, because I have to turn in applications and such, and I want to know if I'll have the ability to go properly by my chosen name.

Anyway, I just need some advice on how to breach the subject with them, and how to get the information and my needs across quickly and coherently. I'd rather not sit there and awkwardly explain everything that happens to the body on testosterone.  I'm already having tons of anxiety and other unpleasant feelings at the thought of having to sit down and have this talk with them (and everyone complains about "the birds and the bees" talk... >_>). It's worse that my parents are divorced so I'll have to do it twice, plus informing all my relatives and such...

Also, any advice or info about transitioning in college; stories, hurdles, that kind of stuff would be really great too. I just really need some help here, so anything would be much appreciated.

And thanks for all of your guys' help over the years; I've gotten so far since I first joined this site, and I'm finally getting to the point where I can start properly down the path to happiness! You guys have really made a difference.

[Lord of the Dance]

Sorry if this is a stupid question, but just to clarify: do your parents know you're FTM? Are you needing to come out completely to them, or are you just asking how to raise the subject of starting T?

In any case, I can completely sympathise. I had very much the same situation with my own parents before starting college. I actually "came out twice" as I like to think of it. When I first told my mum I did a total botch job and made a pig's ear of the whole thing so I actually wrote her a letter some months later that was much  effective and coherent in conveying my feelings. Her attitude towards the situation took a complete 180 and our relationship improved drastically.

That being said, perhaps you could do something similar? Letters are great. You can take as long as you want, there's no pressure to answer questions on the spot and you can tweak it as much as you like until you're happy. I think it also helps the person receiving it — having it written in front of them means they have it EXACTLY as it is in front of them. They have time to process all of these massive things and make sense of it before they reply. Also, as a bonus, you don't have to do "the talk."

It may be something to consider, I've always found it very helpful.

Best of luck to you!

[Dante]

Thank you for the reply, and sorry it took me so long to get back!

My parents do know I'm trans, and they're mostly accepting of it, but it's this kind of weird grey area where I think they might not really believe it... :/

I did the exact same thing! I accidentally blurted it out when I was upset, and then I had to try and kind of fix it later.

I've considered trying to write a letter, but for some reason, whenever I try to write one to them, it ends up being overlooked. I could give it another try, but I'm not sure how well it would work.

[aleon515]

If they mostly accept it, but are having difficulties, I think it may be a good sign. Not great but ok. They may need more time. Or perhaps they may need more info. Some parents have to go thru mournign of losing a daughter (in the case of ftm). If you go to counseling, taking your parent may help. There is also a group on lauras playground. I don't like that it is a highly censored group but your parents may not be bothered by that. They have a "child" forum. We have a SOFFA group here but I don't see a lot of posts about children, teens, or 20 year olds. "Just Add Hormones" is a good book that I am recommending these days. Get it for them for Christmas.

--Jay J