Wanting to transition (ftm) but hold on to lesbian identity?

[justmeinoz]

I have a good friend who while she doesn't consider herself trans, doesn't really consider herself a true Lesbian either. She is extremely  'Butch' and would ideally like to be able to have a mastectomy without actually transitioning, so it is possible to make your own niche.  At present she is happy to label herself vaguelly Genderqueer without actually defining just how.  Her girlfriend self-identifies as a Lesbian, but just loves her for who she is.

Karen.

[Nero]

I don't know what this might mean to you, but one of the options open to you is to identify as a straight trans man rather than as a straight man. What I mean by that is being out to people as being trans, so they're not going to see you simply as a "straight man" and will be aware of your gender history (and by inference, your sexuality history).

Pretty much everyone who knows me knows I'm trans, and I'm not interested in the whole "passing" or "stealth" paradigm myself, so it's going to stay that way. Personally, I like people knowing who I am and who I've been (in my case, it's kind of obvious anyway because I'm so tall etc.), I like people having to deal with the reality of the broad spectrum of gender identity.

What I'm getting at here is that if your current identity as a lesbian is very important to you, then retaining a public trans identity when transitioning would (I think) make it easier for you to carry on owning the aspects of that which are important to you.

Does this make sense?

Yeah, I understand. I've considered that recently because I basically want to remain an obvious individual within the "queer" community. I've never been a fan of passing so well that it puts a person back in the closet and keeps them from admitting their trans status to anyone.

Of course, people have different comfort levels and occasionally passing is necessary for safety in dangerous situations, so I'm very understanding of those who tend to not tell people that they are trans if it's not necessary.

It seems that being open is most likely the best option for me in this case.

Hi TMaria,

Just a note on passing: after some time on T, most trans men are indistinguishable from regular men. Though there are probably things you can do to stand out or look more like an obvious member of the queer community.

[TMaria95]

I have a good friend who while she doesn't consider herself trans, doesn't really consider herself a true Lesbian either. She is extremely  'Butch' and would ideally like to be able to have a mastectomy without actually transitioning, so it is possible to make your own niche.  At present she is happy to label herself vaguelly Genderqueer without actually defining just how.  Her girlfriend self-identifies as a Lesbian, but just loves her for who she is.

Karen.

Hello.

I've also considered this option as well. I've always wanted some aspects of transitioning without others. However, I do find myself really desiring the effects of testosterone in regards to body fat distribution and lowering my voice. I don't know if that's the best option for me just yet. I find that the discomfort I feel from my body makes me want to transition but outside social factors keep me from actually taking the steps to start transitioning.

For example, while I know that transitioning should be a decision I make for myself without any other people's opinions involved, there are small social things that make it hard for me to transition. First one being that my birth name causes me no amount of dysphoria whatsoever. This alone makes me question if transitioning isn't a good option for me because I can't see myself changing my name. Another thing keeping me from transitioning is the fact that I'm been waiting for the legalization of same sex marriages in Maryland for quite some time now. Since we finally got it last night, this has also pushed me several steps back in desiring to transition.

It just sometimes makes me feel like if I were to transition, some of the things I've been fighting and hoping for will no longer apply to me.

[Kaelin]

Legalization of same-sex marriage is still something that's great for you even if you are transitioning.  For one, it is consistent with your values.  Two, it extends rights to people you care about.  Three, its legalization lends credibility to the fact that transitioning is NOT an "escape" -- if you are able to marry the person you love regardless of your gender (whereas in the past you'd probably need to be a man), then transitioning no longer confers that "advantage."  I find it highly questionable that transitioning anyway could be regarded as a legitimate means of escape, because transitioning poses its own obstacles that being a lesbian does not, but the fact that same-sex marriage is legal for you points to the fact you wouldn't be taking the easy way out.

The idea of maintaining a pro-lesbian identity specifically (or a feminist identity in general) is sort of an interesting open question.  It's not always practical to wear our values on our sleeves, and it's perhaps a little more tricky for men to show those same values.  I don't think we should have to give up on who we just to maintain that part of our identity -- rather, the challenge is for us to find ways for men to express in kind.  This takes work, but it would not only have advantages for you (since it'd allow you to be a complete individual), but it'd also help open up means for men to show these values, too.  And that means more men supporting the causes you care about.

[ThomasJB96]

I honestly understand the confusion surrounded by this dilemma. I am in the exact same situation.  Before transitioning, i identified as a lesbian for a year, and although thats a rather short period of time, it was a huge part of my life, and i found myself fully embracing the LGBT community. I watched lesbian youtubers, watched tv shows deemed 'for lesbians', i.e. The L word, The Real L Word, Lip Service, etc, and i found myself really at ease with the idea of being a lesbian.

When i came out as trans, i had a huge part of me, and still now, self doubt, because how could i really be trans if i still wanted to watch these shows? A part of me wants to be a lesbian, but hates the fact im a guy so i cant be.

Im not quite sure what the right answer is just yet, but if i ever find it? I'll make sure to tell you.

[Kaelin]

You can be a guy and still enjoy content not necessarily "intended" for you.  You have life experiences that make you very aware of lesbian struggles, and you can still consume media that taps into and nurtures that understanding.  Even more, you and lesbians are allies because you're both fighting against the heteronorm that people born with girly bits are supposed to love men, and you run into many of the same obstacles because you both defy those expectations.  I mean, I'm a guy, but I'm also a feminist, and while a part of me is one for the noble purpose of setting things right in the world, I have my own selfish reasons of defeating gender-specificity in social norms (androgynous males are more at ease without so many reminders that we're expected to act differently than we do/want).