coming out to SO

[sixshotred]

Hi everybody, this is my first post here since my introduction.

I had a discussion, sometimes argument, last night that is leaving me unsure of what to do.  My girlfriend knows about my dressing and knows I see a gender therapist.  Last night she asked me how therapy was going--well, this past Tuesday in therapy I finally admitted out loud that I am trans and want to be a woman and that it's something I've wanted as far back as I can remember.  My girlfriend has asked me if that's what I wanted before, but I always faced this wall of emotions when asked that by her; fear, guilt, embarrassment, scared of the loss of the relationship---I'm sure that others have faced that same thing.  So the two times she's asked me that, the first time being a year ago and the second being a couple months ago, I lied and told her no.  That's totally my fault and I should have been honest.  Last night she asked how therapy was going and I decided I had to tell her the truth.  I knew her feelings about it, that she'd leave me if that's what I wanted.  She didn't take it well, she doesn't understand how I feel (which is understandable, it's almost impossible to explain to somebody how you feel normal as the opposite gender and uncomfortable in your birth gender and have them understand it).  She told me how I am a liar, how I'm ruining our family (us and our two dogs), how she's sacrificed so much for us and she doesn't know why I can't sacrifice this for the well being of the relationship.  I have a job where I work remotely from home and she doesn't understand why it's not enough for me to only dress while I'm working and while she's at work.  She only wants to see me as Aaron and not Erin.

I'm not sure what to do.  I have this huge amount of fear of losing her, but at the same time I have this equal amount of fear about losing myself.  I've even wondered if just being myself during her workday is enough and if I could pull that off.  It's just really hard trying to figure out the right thing to do---in the end somebody is going to get hurt. 

Has anybody else been in a similar position?  If so, any advice?

[Beverly]

Has anybody else been in a similar position?  If so, any advice?

We have ALL been in this position and the lessons are these:

1. Whether you like it or not, you have to be honest with those around you.

2. If you do transition, it is not an isolated act. It affects those around you. You will likely lose some friends or family, but not all. You will make new friends as well.

3. Your SO will never understand what is going on if you do not explain it to her. This condition is so odd, so unusual that it makes little sense. If you do explain it then you are more likely to win her over.

Have you been formally diagnosed as 'trans' yet? Has the therapist agreed that you have Gender Dysphoria?

[Alainaluvsu]

Exactly what the two above me have said. I hope you've decided what's more important to you, your life or her love. If you haven't, you'd better.

Transition is fire. You can burn every gender issue you've ever hated about yourself. Burn it to ash. You can be free and move into a house of your own!! But when that gender house burns down, chances are you aren't the only one in it.