Cismen?

[Nero]

Timely question for me. Well, I've never really had any female friends except for one girl when I was 7 that I was in love with.  This was not by choice really. They just didn't accept me and also I was always very shy around them. I never had many friends growing up, but those I did have were 'cis male'. Back in school we mostly just hung out, no going out to movies or anything. I met them in ROTC and later at work and we just hit it off. They thought I was hilarious. I was sort of a bully, so most conversations centered around the fruits of my labor there. I could never shut up about whatever scene I had caused and we would laugh about it into the night. You know, just cutting on people. Mature, I know. Other conversations centered around skin rags and their girlfriends.

Later friends were also cis male and we would basically just do dope, lie, cheat, steal, etc. More maturity. 

Right now, I really don't have any friends except a few people I'm close to online. I still find it easy to hang out with guys BUT not totally comfortable yet. I don't get it. I've never felt awkward around guys in my life. I guess I feel self-conscious now. They try really hard to be friends with me and I end up ditching them. Oddly enough girls can't get enough of me now either. I don't know. I'm having a difficult time adjusting. Maybe I'll blog about it if I get enough courage (which is seemingly difficult to sum up these days).

Good thread.

[Frank]

Come to think of it, I never had many friends as a kid. Or as a teenager. I still have zero people I can say I hang with. Wow, that's kind of sad. Lately I've got a male friend (online, figures) I'm slowly figuring out how this man friend thing works out. Cars. Sports. Video games. No excess "fangirling." Making friends shouldn't require remembering a list of rules. 

[Simon]

I was just thinking about this and I wish I had a big group of trans friends (cis friends are nice but I am never comfy with them). Many times trans folks are neurotic, anti social, socially awkward, or narcissistic but I love em' all anyways, lol. (I can't judge because I am known to be laid back and sweet yet I am extremely stubborn and set in my ways. I'm trying to get better about it though, lol.) 

[Zerro]

Odd, I have a pretty even amount of cis friends who are men and women, and we all just hang out like normal. We go to the movies, for drives out in the mountains, to the gym, sometimes to games or concerts, etc. It's not really seen as 'gay' or weird if we want to see a movie or something. We're seeing a movie, not screwing. But I dunno, I guess attitudes vary from place to place.

[aleon515]

My trans friends aren't any weirder than I am-- though I do know a basket case or two.
I think I am not seen as male-- so I don't know except at work where I get on well with the guy teachers, I just don't have cismale friends. I'm wondering if that changes as you transition. I do notice the sort of casual way males have with each other, and I am a bit envious.

[Nero]

I do notice the sort of casual way males have with each other, and I am a bit envious.

They got a lot friendlier and sweeter all of a sudden. And more touchy feely. Like a guy will rest his hand on your back even if you don't know each other well. I don't know, maybe a gesture of friendship? I got that a lot. And much more willing to help each other out. Like teamwork. Yeah, a lot of team work.

[Siobhan]

Its totally normal for guys to catch a film or have a meal together, I've always done it.

[Zumbagirl]

Also don't much like common cismale activities like sports. What I do with my cisfemale friends is go out to eat, go to movies, stuff like that. This mtf friend of mine didn't think cismen did that that much, he put it "go out to lunch with your lady friend (ugh!)" The only word that wasn't used was "luncheon". But don't think she was suggested I was not trans or anything. (BTW, my cismale friend and I usually go out to eat and watch movies. It is not the slightest romantic.)

--Jay

Hi Jay, One thing all this transition business taught me, do what I want, not because of what's between my legs, but because it's something I like doing.

I know for a fact I am not the only transwoman who likes banging up their knuckles working on a car. In fact I know a lot of regular women who do. I also know a lot of women, who can't be bothered. I'm guilty myself of pulling off the batting eyelashes dumb chick bit only because I was going out somewhere and didn't want to get my hands dirty so I asked the nice guy at auto zone to work on my car for me lol.

Back before I transitioned I tried the hyper masculine thing.  I've gone to movies with other guys, it's not unusual when one is young and single although less so with a married man. For a man, marriage is thing that seriously restricts what a man can do, and why I have seen that as men get older they whittle down hobbies to a few things such as hunting, cars, yard work, wood working, etc.

Guys have a whole list of silly rules about touching, eye contact, can't talk while in the bathroom, etc. I can come out of the ladies room and have a 25 year history of the woman who was in the next stall over lol. Women seem to have none of these rules except their personal zone of comfort.

To me these are the social customs of the sexes. How a man or a woman is supposed to behave socially.

One thing I will say is I personally don't associate activities with only male or female. It's true that there are some activities that are either male dominated or female dominated, but neither sex can claim exclusivity. As I hinted at before, I incorporated the parts of my old life that I really liked and then sought out like minded females and lo and behold I found they existed.

[GentlemanRDP]

I don't really have many cismale friends.
I used to have a few back when I worked at Michael's (Arts and Crafts)
But, as you can imagine, there weren't many guys working there,
And the ones that did where usually on stocking, because they didn't want to be seen in a "Woman's Store,"
But even when I did have a few there, the majority of them where gay,
And as soon as they found out that I was trans, the gay ones didn't treat me seriously about it...and yet the straight one did o.o;
I don't get it...

But anyway, I now work in a small coffee shop,
Where literally, I am the only male that works there,
I think...If I worked with some cismen, I might befriend them.
We've had three cismen journey through our coffee shop as co-workers,
We weren't 'friend friends' by any means, but we got along well and we'd chat it up while work was slow.
I typically pass, and at work, all of the guys just treated me like another bloke, so...it was good.
I'd like to work somewhere where I have the chance to work with other guys, it's weird working with literally ALL women xD