I'm an Embarrassment

[Ryan B.]

To my mother, it seems.  Had a nice little chat with my sister.  Well, nice until she told me that my mom said she was embarrassed of me.  You know, I had a feeling this entire time, but finding out that it's true, really kinda bothers me.  Don't know what I expected.  Back in high school I confided in a friend about my families money troubles.  I don't know how, but she knew I had said something to my friend and made a big fuss about it.  If trivial things like money embarrass her then I guess this would too. 

It's just so frustrating.

[Jamie D]

... my mom said she was embarrassed of me.

Think about it, Ryan.  Who owns that problem?  She does.

You need to be you, and live your life.

[Green_Tony]

I agree with Jamie D. Your mother has to deal with her feelings and her issues. I know just how much it sucks because I've been called an embarrassment and worse--however at least for me, they did it to my face, so I guess that's something.

However, you can't get on with every person. Sometimes that includes blood relatives. I specifically didn't say "family" because that means people who care for each other regardless of blood connection, in my view. This is going to suck, and eventually you and her will have to have a talk. The best thing might be to get it over with and tell each other how you really feel, if it's at all possible. She has to own her feelings and say things to your face like a grown person, and you have to deal with whatever feelings you have.

[Devlyn]

No offense meant, but it sounds like your Mom is the embarrassment. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, maybe she really means that she is having trouble coping with this. You should work with her. Hugs, Devlyn

[Ryan B.]

I would try to work with her, if she would let me.  She said she doesn't like talking about it and if I try to bring it up she get's really angry.

I'm just going to put it in the back of my mind.  If I don't I'm going to keep letting it bother me. 

It felt good just to rant a bit on here.

[aleon515]

Apparently some parents have a very very hard time with this, and some do eventually come around. Though it may take time. Mothers feel they are losing a daughter sometimes. It is almost like grief of losing a child. I know this sounds extreme. If your mother is basically a worrier anyway, she's more likely to be more upset. Give it time, and if not you are going to have to deal with people who you have a stronger relationship with.

--Jay J

[RagingShadow]

before i can out, but at a point where I was passing as male outside of home and was wearing trunks and a shirt to swim, my mom said I was an embarrassment too and that she was tired of having the weird kid. it really hurt me, but I think it was her expressing in not so many words that she thought she'd messed up raising me and she was worried.

[Make_It_Good]

I agree with Aleon515 here, sometimes it can take them along time, unfortunately.
Similar to Ragingshadow, my Mum never said the words, but I knew she felt somewhat embarassed and disappointed in me. I wasnt allowed to see certain family, but I guess I could see their reasoning, and Ive still not met the majority of my little sisters friends (shes 18next month). It is a difficult thing for the family. They can be very worried about how you will be treated, and yes, also of how they may be seen. If they are struggling (but give them time), they will view others as potentially struggling to accept it too.
   Youve just got to push through, and show, by how you cope and better yourself by being more confident and happy, that there is nothing to be ashamed of, you can live normally, theres no need to worry.
Before I started T (that is, before I was "allowed" to start T, I had to move out 2 weeks before I started), it was very difficult. None of my family would talk about it, or allow me to even read about it. It is damn difficult, I can sympathize, but, aslong as you stay strong, they have a better chance of coming round to seeing how much happier you can be, and they can work toward that with you
  My family are now very close to me again, and I, funnily enough, heard today from my own sister, that she thinks Im a great person now.
   Far from the disappointment I was seen as, it can happen.

[aleon515]

Make it good, true. Sometimes they *don't* come around but sometimes they do need LOTS of time.

--Jay J