I'm sad because it was so easy.

[Medusa]

I'm sad because my transition was so easy I don't have any obstacles on my way, just my terrible fears, I don't have to try, it just become.
I don't have to learn anything, just to follow my heart and overcome my fears.

And now I cry because I was waiting so long and was so scared of nothing.
I cry because I missing teenage experience.
I cry because I feel like I wasted my youth, part of life when I can be legally crazy but now must be adult 
I cry when I see young TG or queer.

I try to satisfy myself that I cannot do it earlier, at elementary school they will eat me alive if I will do it, I have hard established peace as ->-bleeped-<-. Maybe at school girls will support me, but outside I'll be beaten even more.
And at high school, at boys high school (girls can go to this school, but don't want to difficult electronics and computer school if have easier ways) and with father teacher here  I was trying to be invisible and have respect as one who knows more than teachers in many subjects. But I know what should happen to those who are different and not enough strong 
I graduated with great marks, not like most of people like us who do transitioned at school but as human I was cabbage. 
But still I want to cry

[Beverly]

Forget the past - there is no point in regretting it and it will only send you mad or sad if you keep reflecting on it again and again. The past is. None of us can change it, but we can all change our futures.

Look forward, not back. Look to being who you need to be. Yes, it would have been nice to have transitioned earlier in life (and remember that I am 50) but I did what I had to then and I am doing what I can now. I still have 20, 30 or 40 years of life left and I will enjoy them as much as I can. The 50 behind me were not all bad, there was a lot of good in there too  so I remember those bits.

[Jamison]

I'm 25 and I get jealous at times when I see guys transitioning younger than me even though many would think I'm fairly young. But I don't know if I could have imagined transitioning younger when I hadn't come to terms with my sexuality just yet and hadn't had these life experiences. I think having those experiences helped me become so comfortable with the transition and avoid any "what-if" regrets.

At the end of the day, I'm not going to sit around thinking about what it would be like if I had figured this whole transition thing out earlier. There's pros and cons to transitioning younger, just like there are to transitioning older. Kids are mean, primary schools are highly gendered, and most decisions you make while young are dismissed by adults as a "phase" or irrational.

Your "non-transitioning" life was not wasted simply because you didn't transition. There's plenty of other ways you could "waste" your life, but that's not one of them.

[eli77]

And now I cry because I was waiting so long and was so scared of nothing.

Ya. I don't know how to deal with that. The smoothness of my transition makes all the horror before that even worse somehow. So much pain for nothing.

[Celery Stalk]

I am with you. All those fears, drawing metaphoric parallels between transition and climbing a mountain. I should have learned my lesson when, after mustering all my courage, I came out to the first person ever and their only response, "oh, I figured". 

Yes a big part of me wants to play the what-if game, especially about transitioning sooner. But ironically it was the what-if game that prevented me from an earlier transition. No more, its been fired.

[Simon]

As others have stated, there is really no reason to dwell on the "what if's". Instead you should be thinking about the "what now's".

The World is yours for the taking now that you have transitioned and there is nothing that stands in your way to your future goals and dreams. I firmly believe that everyone has a timeline in their life and things come in due time for everyone. Enjoy what you have now.

[JoanneB]

Every time I totally freaked myself out with the famous "WTF are you doing!!!" question was upon realizing how easy this or that became. Especially the way too scary easy, when atempts at transitioning in the far past yielded the opposite results. Or did they?

I chalk these feelings up to near zero self-worth. I don't deserve joy, happiness, success because my life has been a fraud. Even hard earned success has no value to me.

I wish I had the answer on how to change that. It just takes time and others that trust to help kick your ass straight when you get into a funk

[kelly_aus]

I've had an easy ride, so far. And while, like many, I kinda wish I'd started younger. I'm left wondering if I'd have had things quite so smooth if I had.

Yes, I was scared. Most of my fears turned out to be baseless and the ones that did happen, were far less of a worry than I had imagined.

[eli77]

Mmhmm. My one and only regret in life. Not doing this sooner. I could have gone to prom fabulous. I dont know if i'll ever get over this but at least I have a future to look forward to (and being 20 now im still young!)

Sometimes its so bad, I actually have dreams im back in highschool in (private school) girls uniform. The high school bullies encounter me and I defend and stand up for myself. Then I wake up and I realize it was only a dream... so sad.

I don't remember my dreams. But I day dream about it.

The most horrible thing is that I had the chance. I have progressive ex-hippy parents who are totally supportive. I went to an incredibly queer arts high school... It would have worked out okay for me if I'd come out a decade earlier. The not coming out was all on me, with my screwed up paranoid fears. And coming out then would have meant no depression, no cutting, no suicide attempts, no self-destruction.

I dunno. I don't know how to forgive my then-self for that. Kind of want to punch her in the nose.

[Tristan]

Mmhmm. My one and only regret in life. Not doing this sooner. I could have gone to prom fabulous. I dont know if i'll ever get over this but at least I have a future to look forward to (and being 20 now im still young!)

Sometimes its so bad, I actually have dreams im back in highschool in (private school) girls uniform. The high school bullies encounter me and I defend and stand up for myself. Then I wake up and I realize it was only a dream... so sad.

sooner is not always better. If your area is anything like line wel.... as someone who started sooner i can tell you it caused some really bad physical problems both at school and home. although i have my jealous sister to blame for Alot of the physical problems at school. but yeah. younger can be harder, being under age with no one on your side can put you in a really bad place.

[Aleah]

Everybody has a different path in life, we can't really change our circumstances a great deal because most of the time they are out of our control but just deal with them as they come.

I'm similar to Jamison, I hadn't really come to terms with "me" till recently so transitioning younger was not really a consideration for me, I wish I had come to terms with it younger but thats not how my path turned out and I can only look forward.

Regretting the past brings nothing but sorrow, it's not constructive since we can't control time, you still have a life to lead where you can be happy and make a difference, no need to waste it worrying about what could of been.

At the end of the day, there is no way to know what would of happened if we did something different in the past, causality and all that, for all we know we could be living very different lives now even with a small change to our past.

[Solaela]

Glad to see some had it easy...I'm STILL scared and I dunno what to do if I DO Want to transition. But...You can't dwell on the past forever. We all might just wish we can go back. Heck I do. Figure out what being a female means a lot sooner. But all we can do is look to the future and head twards it.

[Cindy]

Same here, it has been a dream ride and yes of course it raises why I waited so long.

But there is no way to change the past. You live every day for the day, regretting the past is useless. Live for the future with glee and joy.

And of course to support out sisters and brothers who find it a daunting task.

[justmeinoz]

I consider I have had a dream run since starting transition.  Considering the confusion before, I am not upset about it, but see it as a chance to get a head start on helping those who did have problems. 
Don't stress about what happened in the past, it can't be changed.  The future is far more important and if things are good in the present then enjoy it.

Karen.