Hi All...
Guess it's time to post a little of my story, maybe get a little advice and observations on my specific issues. I will try to keep it abbreviated as much as possible. And I'd like to say Thanks! for listening now, just in case you don't make it to the end.
I was born with ambiguous genitals slightly too male to ignore, and know very little else. My parents were trying to prepare me for what may come and raised me as a girl until I was school age. At that point it was determined I was "M" registering for school and my folks took another path. It was 4 separate surgeries and not until I was 11 before I had external testicles. At that point I guess it was moot as my gender was already well established female. They are both long gone, but sadly we never spoke about this. (Great regret) It was off-limits, very shameful and embarrassing to me, and definitely not dinner conversation in the 60's and 70's. Like it never happened. Going through school as a boy was difficult but I learned quickly to present male because of the consequences, having suffered repeatedly from abuse at the hands of a gym teacher and some of the jocks. My transgender experience was always limited to cross-dressing in secret, and I curtailed it once I got married. Kept everything to myself and thought I could "control" it. Sadly but mostly due to growing anxiety and panic attacks, I have realized the need to be the person I know I am. I'm Holly.
I'm 50 this year and married with 2 grown kids; daughter married, son finishing college this year. Wife is still best friend – very lucky there. She is aware of my situation now, told her 6 months ago and I have started with a gender therapist. Both are very supportive. I don't honestly know how far I am willing to transition at this point in my life. I am completely female at home, but that is where I have drawn the line in the last few months. But I am finding that I need more. That's why I am here. Looking to start that next step, which will begin I guess by coming out to my kids and extended family. After that, who knows what's in store? My GT is helping me sort where I fit. (Never know where to start - CD, Intersex, Transexual...Whats a girl to do?!) I just am tired of trying to be something I'm not. I like this place, and frankly have never felt more at peace since first opening up. I am really looking forward to getting to know everyone here. Thanks for listening, xo
Holly
