"Partner"

[girl you look fierce]

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[justmeinoz]

My new Girlfriend and I both use that word and do it with pride. 

[Seana]

You'll often see me refer to "partner" in relation to my relationship status. My reasons may be different than most but I'll try to explain.

Like many TG I had a relationship that ended due to my being transgender ( amoung other reasons)which was monogomous for 15 years . A few months later I met a fabulous girl .She wasnt single though. She asked me at the time to not make her give up her other relationships. I never have.She was also 18 years my junior, and frankly I would not be able to keep someone in their sexual peak satisfied when I am in my 60's in 15 or so years She's  my wife 7 years later.  I've come to accept that she identifies as polyamorous, and embrace some of what this lifestyle has to offer. I have three "partners" , my spouse, a likely FTM, and a MTF. At different times, they have identified differently. For example I've been seeing my spouse, who has some FTM tendancies but wont transition as she is happy with her female self. The MTF partner has identified always at trans, but was VERY early when we met 5 years ago. The FTM partner, still identifies as female but will eventually transition FTM.
The key point here, is that their identification often changes over time. And if you have more than one partner it can become confusing, who's a he, who's a She who identifies as he but is still presenting as a she. So GF, wife, etc labels dont always apply 100% , and change over time. Partner is gender neutral, and covers all the bases, and leaves the gender issues out of it.


Seana

[eli77]

Some people find that girl/boyfriend seem a bit casual for a long standing relationship. By the time you've been together like 10 years, it seems a bit weird to say "my girlfriend." And if you aren't married, wife/husband isn't appropriate obvs.

Also, for queer girls, "girlfriend" can produce a certain amount of confusion due to the fact that straight women use that word to just mean "friend." (Which is so annoying, I wish people wouldn't do that.)

And then some people aren't necessarily super open about being queer under certain circumstances, like at work or with their family. So they get used to using a gender neutral term. It's easy to say "be proud" when you aren't going to get fired / harassed / disowned for being in a same-sex relationship.

Those aren't gay trans person things though, just gay person things.

[Elsa]

partner is simply the best way of saying we are more than just friends, which sometimes GF/BF can mean that a person is just a friend.

GF/BF also attaches an unnecessary gender identification that is simply not needed.

It's like saying this is the person who is very special to me and who I would want to marry someday or someone who I would want to spend the rest of my life with.

It means that unlike GF/BF each person in the relationship are equals. There is no benefit nor any loss from being the "guy" or the "girl" in the relationship.

Thus it can be used by anyone not just by gay persons but by people who usually want to say that this person means a lot to me and the term GF/BF is just too casual and doesn't give the justice to the relationship that it deserves.

[JoanneB]

Some people find that girl/boyfriend seem a bit casual for a long standing relationship. By the time you've been together like 10 years, it seems a bit weird to say "my girlfriend." And if you aren't married, wife/husband isn't appropriate obvs.

I can certainl agree to this!

It only took my now wife 20 ears to say yes. Refering to has as my g/f felt strange since she was and is even more so these days, so much more then that.

[A]

I think it's just to simplify things. It's practical, I guess. For example, if you don't want to specify gender, or it's not relevant to mention it. Or you don't want to say you're homosexual without a reason. Or if your partner has an uncertain gender identity. Or is transitioning and you don't want to call them their old gender, but they're not ready to be called the target gender yet. Or your partner is androgyne. Or you don't want to specify the status of your relationship (married, couple, etc.) Or you're not ready to call the person a boy/girlfriend yet for some reason.

It's the only "general" term for lovers that doesn't imply the absence of marriage (like "lover" does) and is gender-neutral, too. So it's practical when stating a general case or talking about someone and you're not sure about their relationship.

I personally don't like the term a ton, because it's so general. Business partner. Dance partner. Connotes more an association, a team and a handshake than a love bond, a couple and a kiss. But I have to admit it's practical.

[Celery Stalk]

We use the words partner and partnership. We are legally married, Denver grandfathers you in, or grandmothers you in if married prior to transition.

I think my partner and I use it as a rejection of the original connotations of husband/wife, which we personally vehemently disagree with. Although I'll admit its a bit generic. Perhaps we should put our heads together to originate a new term for a deeply committed legally recognized, but nontraditional, relationships. Anyone feeling clever?

[A]

There's no need for that. The definition of husband or wife is a person who is married. It's the perfect term. You don't find new terms because you dislike whatever social connotation they might have. The rest is just unnecessary rebelling. Or that's what I think. New terms are required for new concepts, not old ones.

[Celery Stalk]

Or expanding concepts? Regardless,  I wasn't being serious.

[henrytwob]

Actually, I am in a heterosexual relationship, actually we are married, but I started using the word partner because it was pointed out that husband/wife comes across as heterocentric. Since that time i have come to view the word partner as more inclusive, and have switched to using it to refer to couples, including myself.

[Ms Bev]

Oh.....many times I refer to Marcy as my wife......more often as my partner.  Marcy always refers to me as her partner.....once in a blue moon, wife.  It depends on the situation.  People who are closer to us usually hear "wife"

[Cindy]

My wife introduces me as her husband that often raises eyebrows. I don't care in the slightest. She is a very special woman and I will always be her husband.

[Holly P]

I am among the luckiest ones.  "Wife", always and forever.  I pray everyday that we're both strong enough to take this road.
Yours - Holly

[geoangelcandybutch]

Since the original post was about cisgender LGB folks using the term and that they should just be proud, I'm going to say something on that first.

I don't think that just because cisgender LGB folks use the term "partner" instead of girlfriend or boyfriend, means they're not proud. Sometimes it's just easier for those particular people. And there's nothing wrong with saying "my partner" instead.

And sometimes, there's not always an actual relationship between people, so using "partner" is easier than saying "my lover" or "my sex partner", or whatever other term there is.

I was recently in a situation, and calling this man my "boyfriend" wouldn't have worked (I'm DFAB genderqueer). Calling him my partner however, does work.

I think whatever term any one chooses to use, is up to them. And that doesn't mean they're not proud of who they are, or whatever. It just means they prefer to use those terms. Even if the word(s) happen to be made up. There's nothing wrong with making new terms either. We're always adding words to the dictionary, so I don't see the problem with making new words.

[muffinpants]

It's funny, before my girlfriend was out, I used to refer to her as my partner because I knew she didn't like being labeled as male. Now, when we are alone, I call her my girlfriend, and eventually she shall be my wife ^_^

To the rest of the world atm she is still my partner but they'll soon find out hehehe! January can't come fast enough!

[Padma]

I quite enjoy keeping people guessing about my sexuality - "partner" means all they know is that you're in a relationship that's not casual. Then if people want to pry more, they can ask - and if you want to tell more, you can choose to tell more.

Also, if I told people I had a girlfriend, it tends to mean they then assume I just like girls.