In a rare change from my normal apathy and cynicism I decided to practice applying makeup (which I am terrible at). I decided to try some eye makeup, I have very little in my collection because I still don't really know how to do it properly, the only eyeliner I have is "Collection 2000 Extreme felt tip liner" in Black. It turns out this is essentially a non-permanent marker, on top of that looking like I'd just drawn a black line on my eyelid (my hands weren't even steady enough to make it look like a straight line) It only highlighted my "droopy eyelids". When my eyes were open you couldn't even see it because it was hidden under my browbone.
I tried to salvage it a bit by applying some eye shadow but that resulted in looking like I had just smashed some soot in my eyes and made it worse. At this point I just... I don't know, I just broke I guess. Washed it all off angrily and I've been sat here for about fifteen minutes at my desk in my bedroom with my head in my hands on the verge of tears.
I don't even know how I feel at the moment, maybe fluctuating somewhere between anger/rage, sadness, the boredom that has plagued me for a while now. They're all just bleeding into this numbness at the moment, I don't know what to think or feel or do at all. And it's driving me to distraction.
I'm just venting, I don't really care if anyone reads this, I just need to get it out there somewhere.
