Without question blessed (until things turned ugly and got much worse)

[seldom]

I feel a bit too fortunate.
I just came out to my parents and they were completely accepting and supportive, I am a bit shocked.  They said they knew I had sexual/gender identity issues since I was in high school.  I feel very blessed right now.

Even though I am 28 now, I was very worried throughout my life and very anxious.  Like many I felt deeply ashamed.  So I never addressed these issues in college (when I realized this was a real possibility that I would have to face in my life), and instead went to graduate school. 

So I waited until I was done with graduate school and in the right job to deal with these issues, and it was very very difficult. 

Now I am dealing with these issues, and things are going better than I imagined.  I know without question I can transition on the job without issue (they are even working with me to take the exclusion out of the policy).  I have wonderful and supportive friends as well who I am out to. 

While I do have some regrets about not dealing with this earlier in life, I feel that I am blessed because I am transitioning with the knowledge that there are people who love me and who are supportive. 

I feel like a gigantic weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and that I can finally begin the process of living life without regrets or shame.  I can finally be me. 

[Brianna]

Oh wow. I think that's every transsexual's dream come true! I am so happy for you! Besides passing well, I think parental support is the best thing a transsexual can have.

I am beaming!
Lala

[cindianna_jones]

YAY!  I love hearing great success stories.  You are still very young.  I transitioned at your age and I have never regretted it.  Thanks for sharing such a positive story.

Cindi

[califboy]

Amy,
  I do not know u, but i respect u & am very proud of u.  You are living life with truth from Amy's heart & being yourself.

Hehehe ..... i am a bit older than u hon (my children are 35 yrs old) which really doesn't matter, but i'd like to share with u.

I Love ALL, respect them, know they have positive sides to their life, hopefully they are grateful for what they have & accept, i do not judge or argue, & i share with others WHEN they wish to.  Unfortunately i do not know if u wish to hear what i am sharing, but my FAITH & BELIEF are so strong that i am lead by my Spirit & don't question it.  If u don't want to share ..... u won't hear it.  However, Love is actually the strongest Spirit there is.
It will lead u in the long run in the direction u should be going.

Since i have ALWAYS Loved ALL, i have been taken advantage of several times.  My family is sometimes very depressed because i do not judge others & think that perhaps i should not be kind, help, or Love them in certain situations.  Because i have Love in my heart my Spirit will go with it FOREVER.  It will see ups & downs, but NOTHING can be stronger, it will not be defeated, & my Spirit will live in peace forever since i don't judge, worry, accept, & have Love in my heart & Spirit ALWAYS !!!

I just gave u some ways i handle life.  I do not know what will happen after life on earth, but i BELIEVE with Love in my heart it will lead my Spirit with strength to wherever it is going next.

Hon, just my opinon, but i don't think u should EVER have to worry about the way Amy is.  If u don't know how to handle things, which occurs to me quite often, u will be surprised how strong Love is & it will lead u to where u should go.  You may get hurt at the moment, but of course everything has its ups & downs.  If u keep Love in your heart, BELIEVE & have FAITH, & don't worry, things will end up as they should.  When i don't know how to handle a situation, i keep Love in my heart, asked to be helped from thy Holy Spirit, do the best i can, & because i BELIEVE, i am helped at the schedule of thy Holy Spirit, not mine, & things happen as they should.  I am certainly not selfish, but for my benefit & others as well because i Love them.
If i encounter a situation in which another argues, i leave.  I find it useless to argue back because the other is in their way & will USUALLY not change.  I walk away, say a prayer, & ask the Lord to help.  It may be myself or whoever that is having a difficulty.  The door is still open with Love & if the person ever wants to talk about something in the future, i'll be MORE than happy to share with them.  They could learn, i could learn, or both of us together.

Honey, try your best to ALWAYS be u & don't worry.  If there is any kind of difficulty, keep Love in your heart, towards the situation & others, BELIEVE, & things will work out as they should when meant to be.  And try your best to accept things as they are.  We are very fortunate to have what we do.  Some people on earth do NOT have shelter, doctors, schools, or a lot of things.  Also, if u are kind, helpful, & Love others, it will bring about peace & happiness in your life.

I am SO glad that u are living life as Amy.  You are very fortunate to be able to do that.  But, being yourself is SO helpful.  It helps make Amy as she truely is & takes a lot of pressure off.  Of course u will have difficulties, but that occurs in life to everyone.
And hon, if u Love others u will be surprised in how much Love it will bring back to yourself.

Keep going down the road as Amy & u will do very well.
     

I feel a bit too fortunate.
I just came out to my parents and they were completely accepting and supportive, I am a bit shocked.  They said they knew I had sexual/gender identity issues since I was in high school.  I feel very blessed right now.

Even though I am 28 now, I was very worried throughout my life and very anxious.  Like many I felt deeply ashamed.  So I never addressed these issues in college (when I realized this was a real possibility that I would have to face in my life), and instead went to graduate school. 

So I waited until I was done with graduate school and in the right job to deal with these issues, and it was very very difficult. 

Now I am dealing with these issues, and things are going better than I imagined.  I know without question I can transition on the job without issue (they are even working with me to take the exclusion out of the policy).  I have wonderful and supportive friends as well who I am out to. 

While I do have some regrets about not dealing with this earlier in life, I feel that I am blessed because I am transitioning with the knowledge that there are people who love me and who are supportive. 

I feel like a gigantic weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and that I can finally begin the process of living life without regrets or shame.  I can finally be me. 

[seldom]

While they were initially accepting they have kind of turned to being upset and disappointed (you are making a mistake, etc).  Of course from what my therapist said this is kind of natural.  Of course they still love me and they are still talking to me.  It is just they are having a hard time understanding.

Things have gone from good to awful.
I have cut off contact with my parents by choice.
Their personality completely changed and they became intolerant and bigoted.  I could not deal with it anymore. 
I basically wrote a letter saying you need to drop your bigotry, ignorance and intolerance and become loving and accepting human beings or this will be the last you hear from me. 

Basically, they will have to call me, and call me with fresh insight and acceptance.

I know it is odd to cut contact on your own, but I thought it was absolutely necessary. 

I am honestly not sure if they will come around or not.  But this was necessary in light of how fast and hard things went downhill.

This is the only thing I was going to lose. 

[Kate]

While they were initially accepting they have kind of turned to being upset and disappointed (you are making a mistake, etc).  Of course from what my therapist said this is kind of natural.  Of course they still love me and they are still talking to me.  It is just they are having a hard time understanding.

Things have gone from good to awful.
I have cut off contact with my parents by choice.

Awl, I'm so sorry to hear this Amy. It *does* seem kinda common though... maybe they WILL come around in time? Mine were cool at first too, then a few days later I got the call about "are you being coerced into this?" and mom wanting to talk to my therapist personally. OH boy. NOT happening.

Parents probably go through this process alot. They ARE programmed to protect us, and I think that protectiveness kicks in after they digest this a bit. They get scared for their children, and worry we're messing up our lives. It's what mom's and dad's do

It's ashame they're getting bigoted though. THAT is certainly uncalled for. Do they know anything about TSism? Could you maybe send them a copy of "True Selves" or something like that? Do you think they'd be open to learning more?

Kate

[seldom]

I sent them trans-forming families (at my therapist advice), to a TS website I relate to deeply, and to some other sites.  But they are reading the wrong stuff as well.  The limited bad stuff, which is rarely the case.  I have a difficult time dealing with them before I was trans, I have always been ultra-private and snippy. My anxiety around them was always extremely high, and there has been several arguments over the years.  We do not exactly treat each other well. 

The thing is, while I held my gender identity issues back for years, but I never held much back in terms of my opinions.  If I am faced with bigotry at a high level where it leads to arguments and nothing but, well I see no reason to communicate anymore.  I become very emotional and extremely venomous with any family member, which is the complete opposite with everybody else I deal with in life.  I never got to be myself around my family, and it was a constant anxiety and fear of hiding that has contributed too significant problems.  They do not even know me, and there are friends I am closer with than my own family. 

[rhondabythebay]

Sorry to hear of your parents changing reaction. At least you have come out to them and maybe more time will help...

...I have a difficult time dealing with them before I was trans, I have always been ultra-private and snippy. My anxiety around them was always extremely high...

...I never got to be myself around my family, and it was a constant anxiety and fear of hiding that has contributed too significant problems.  They do not even know me, and there are friends I am closer with than my own family. 

I can relate to this totally...except the snippy part . Add to that neither of my parents are on-line and my Dad doesn't like to read books. I'm stumped as to how to approach it and so am avoiding the topic. I've been slowly building up a relationship with my parents, post alcoholism and depression, and they already think I'm different and have a hard time understanding what is going on with me. Adding TS'ism to the mix feels like too much now.

As I said, maybe more time and seeing you happier will help them come to accept who you really are.

Rhonda

[Melissa]

Aww, I uderstand Amy.  That sounds extremely similar to what happened with my parents including looking for the bad information.  Their search for information was not to get an accurate unbiased view, but rather to find ways to "convince" me not to transition.  I'll see what happens after SRS.  There really won't be much they can do about this at that point.

[seldom]

Well I called to apologize for somethings I said and re-established contact.  At the same time I told them it does not change the fact I am transitioning.
I told them that they were misinformed on some of the more ignorant things they said, don't bring up anything negative with me again, or try to talk me out of anything.  They realize I am serious about this, and that bringing up anything negative will not help and I have made up my mind on transitioning.  They have come to the realization that there is no point in arguing or making negative comments about this anymore because I hold little value or no value in thier negative opinions on this issue.  Basically they have given up talking me out of transitioning or even being trans, because it is who I am and they can't change that.  It is more like defeat than acceptance on thier part, but at least they have come to some sort of realization.   

They are ashamed and depressed right now.  They are worried with what the extended family would think (who I could care less about because they are by in large pretty bigoted lot and I am without question breaking contact with them).  They are worried about me in general.  They are worried about what parts of society would think (I said the only part of society that thinks this is wrong and immoral,  conservative republicans, evangelical christians etc. I have absolutely no respect for them anyway and could care less with how they think about me.  I am a militant progressive, and I have been a target from these types all my life anyway because I have always been percieved as queer.), and my career (I work for progressive nonprofits and I am a professional activist.  I am one of the few TS who does not have to worry about my job or career prospects because of my gender identity).  I have told them the shame and depression will only go away if they fully accept me for who I am and toss out the preconcieved notions about me they have constructed. 


The relationship as it stands is pretty cold, but it always has been pretty contentious for a number of reasons that go beyond the trans issue.  I know I did not deal with the situation exactly right, but the relationship with my parents has always kind of been this way.  I am still talking with them, and they still love me, but it is far from ideal. 
I have news to add.  My family has basically broken contact with me.  I called to wish a happy mothers day, and they told me not to call again.

[LostInTime]

Sorry to read all of that. Some come around, eventually. Hopefully your family will as well.

Hugs,
LIT