"why do you even care what others think"

[unknown]

This is something I get a lot from my friend? (I talked about her before).

Somehow because she's a tomboy? (I think she lost some of her tomboyness, but whatever) she don't really give a crap about what others think. I'm normally like this too, but if people treat me as a girl even thought I told them otherwise it really hits me. I get lot's of dysphoia and what's to die.

When I tell her (because there isn't really much to talk about with her) when  people does this she says: "why do you even care what others think of you." and then something about how she never cares about other opinions (even thought she always talkes about stuff like that  )

Frankly I have no idea what I should say to her when she makes a comment like that and I have even less idea of what I should do with her as a friend.

How do you guys deal with stuff like this?

[Kreuzfidel]

Most cis-gendered people find things like "not caring what others think" easy because they don't know what living in the wrong body feels like - let alone being constantly reminded that they are in the wrong body by others, thus breeding potential years upon years of invalidation, anxiety and worsening of dysphoria.  It annoys me that non-dysphoric cisfolk tell dysphoric transfolk how we should deal with our dysphoria.  It's a bit like when a person who has never been clinically depressed tells a depressed person to "snap out of it".

[insideontheoutside]

Anyone who truly doesn't understand what a person is going through or why something bothers them usually does say stupid stuff like that. If you suffer from something like depression they're always right there with something super helpful like, "just be happy!"

The thing is, those type of people often don't change and it's nearly impossible trying to make them understand because they really never will.

[Simon]

I'm not exactly sure of your age but I find that the older I get the less that I care about what cis gendered people think of me (I do care what my trans brothers/sisters think because their opinions hold more validity and credence to me).

I do forgive most cis gendered people because in my eyes they're ignorant. They don't know any better than to say the just thoughtless things they sometimes say. For example, the hospital I am having my hysto at is one I receive regular surgeries for my genetic illness at. I have the same team of doctors and nurses over and over. They know me...know who/what I am...and they know I'm someone they can come to if they have a question.

Earlier in April of this year I ended up with a pulmonary embolism after a kidney surgery. I can't recall exactly what they were testing me for (took them days to figure out the embolism) but they had me go in a room and my surgeon stuck his finger in each of my "openings" down there searching for abnormalities. I was understandably embarrassed but I do whatever I have to do medically to survive. When I was walking back to my room afterwards...just feeling flipping awful about myself my nurse (walking with me) looks at me and says "Things like that really make you wish you were a man, huh?". I just smiled and kept walking.

People are ignorant about issues of gender identity. Don't let it get you down. Pick and choose your battles but don't exhaust yourself trying to educate everyone. Sometimes it just isn't worth it.

If I could ever teach something to each and every trans person it would be this...

People can only hurt you as much as you allow them to.

[DriftingCrow]

I usually don't care what strangers think, because they don't know me and I can't just assume that they'll know better, and I am sure I mess up with strangers too.

People I know can be different, because if I tell someone I know something, if they care about me at all, they should respect my wishes. If they don't, then they're disrespecting me, and I think people should care when they're being disrespected by someone they know. If I come out as trans to people I know, and they continue to call me "she" and by my birth name, I am going to care. At that point, I'd have to decide who to continue being friends with, and who not to. Having a friend who just tells me not to care isn't being very helpful, and doesn't realize the disrespect others would be giving me.

[spring0721]

I agree that there is no way a cisgendered person can understand exactly what you're going thru.  However, I don't think all of cisgendered people are ignorant.  I think people can be thoughtless, rude, and just simply mean in their comments to others.  We're all people and no matter how hard it is to not care about what others think, I believe it's in our human nature to be vulnerable to others criticisms.  The only advice I can offer is to work toward being the best you that you can possibly be & to try everyday to find something new about yourself to love.

[aleon515]

When I identified more androgynously I dont' think I exactly cared, now I do. I think that I might be somewhat insecure in my newfound maleness that I don't want others to call me ma'am or ms. or whatever. At least that's what I think might be going on. In the support group, the guy leading the group made a comment that kind of helped me, something like "it's part of the process". I don't know that has been somewhat comforting to me.

But I don't think cis people can really understand what is going on with us. Doesn't mean they are rude or insensitive, but I don't know how they would.

--Jay