Counseling and beer

[DriftingCrow]

I went to the counseling center today for my appointment, and it was really nice!
The paperwork I ha to fill out asked what my preferred name is--I put Henry, and gender I identify as-I checked both male and transgender, then they ask your birth sex, so I just put female there.

The guy I met with was really nice, it felt like I was talking to an old friend. So first we talked about divorcing my husband--apparantly, I am too nice. (I saw one of my friends afterwards and told her that and she said "I could've told you that.") So, I need to learn how to deal with not being too nice before I can really get rid of my husband. So, I am going to talk to that family law attorney at my work and deal with the preliminary stuff that I should do (like getting my own bank account, etc.) before telling my husband. So, I just need to know that no matter what I do, and how I tell him, he's going to be angry. So, we're going to meet again after I get back from winter break in January.

Then, we talked about being trans for a bit. He doesn't specialize in this stuff, so he said he can help me find a gender therapist once I get back from break. But, he was really understanding and nice.

Surprisingly awesome experience.

So, tomorrow I am going out for a beer with one of my friends. He spent about 15 years in the marines, and he was in counterintelligence-he used to interrogate people, and worked for these government contractors in D.C. for awhile after that. I figure he'd be the perfect person to give me a nice pep talk to get over my "be nice to people" thing. He already knows a bit about my husband, so I won't really have a lot to tell him. I know he'd easily just say "hey, screw him, stop being nice" and I'll be all pumped up.

[FTMDiaries]

Awesome!

Well done - I'm so proud of you for finding the courage to move forward. You're going about it exactly the right way: getting all your stuff organised before you go to your husband is the best way of preventing him from trying to disrupt your life. And the more people you have watching your back, the less power he has to mess with you.

You're right that he's going to be angry. But you don't have to visit him alone, do you? If you can take someone with you he'll have to behave himself a bit more. This is especially important when you tell him you're leaving - if you can, take your lawyer with you for that one and hand him the paperwork then & there.

You're reclaiming your own life. Isn't it great?

[DriftingCrow]

Yes it's great!!!!  I am already thinking about haircuts and maybe getting my own studio apartment somewhere or rooming with a friend. And, a whole new world of jobs are open to me now without him around. I wanted to join the FBI before but he said that was an awful idea, and now it's like... I can do that now.

I was thinking about bring the guy who I am going out to the pub with today with me, I consider him to be my best bud up here and I know I wouldn't back down if he's around. But bringing the family law attorney from work with me is a really good idea that I didn't even think of. I just want to get this all over with, it's distracting me from studying for my finals and I'd rather get this done before Christmas because I don't want to get him a present. I just want this to be as clean and easy as possible-I am so thankful we don't own property (besides my car which he has a half interest in) or have kids. I already wrote up a list of things I am willing to part with or money I'd be willing to give him just to get him to shut up and get out of my life.

[FTMDiaries]

Yes, I did initially think about suggesting you take your ex-marine friend with you... but then I thought: how would your husband react if you turned up with another guy? Would he jump to conclusions and presume you're having an affair? Would he try to twist it against you in some way? I don't know how he'd react - only you know - but that was my only hesitation about suggesting the marine. Your lawyer, of course, is neutral.

Still, you could always take the ex-marine round so that he can tell your husband that he will remain permanently bedridden if he ever messes with you.

Your whole life is open to you know. Isn't it wonderful to know you don't have to limit yourself because of someone else's tantrums any more?

[Shantel]

I'm proud of you dear and can't add a thing to what FTMDiaries has already said other than to keep that Marine updated and close, I know the soon to be Ex is going to react with a resentful and malevolent act of some kind because he's obviously a mental case, you may need him for personal protection.

[DriftingCrow]

Yeah but he'll accuse me of cheating on him no matter what, whether it's with my ex-marine friend or my female friend and whether or not I bring anyone. And, he cheated on me twice (I have photocopies of a letter one of the g/fs sent to him), so I don't think he'd have much sympathy if he tries to tell someone I am a cheater.

[Shantel]

Yeah but he'll accuse me of cheating on him no matter what, whether it's with my ex-marine friend or my female friend and whether or not I bring anyone. And, he cheated on me twice (I have photocopies of a letter one of the g/fs sent to him), so I don't think he'd have much sympathy if he tries to tell someone I am a cheater.

Well my concern for you wasn't about being accused of being a cheater but more about him being and enraged beater! That's where having an ex-marine watching out for you would be advantageous.

[DriftingCrow]

I'd be worried about that if he was at home, but since he's stuck in a hospital bed, he won't be able to touch me (unless I was really close to the bed, and then I could just take a few steps back and he'd be out of arm's reach).