Hyper Critical Scrutiny of Ones Self

[Ms Bev]

Okay, I'll admitt....last year, I did have blapharoplasty on my upper eyelids, but I needed resection of the levator muscles badly, so badly, that my insurance paid for the resection, unfortunately, not the blepharoplasty. 
I used to look like Garfield!
Now, I look like a thin-haired dumpy oldish woman.

Still Happy, Bev

[Suzy]

You don't need FFS honey. You are soooooooo cute as you are.
Rashelle

I agree Rashelle.  What is that girl thinking about?

tink

I agree, too.  What would make Melissa confident and happy?  FFS doesn't seem to be necessary in her case.  I've seen her feminize a lot lately.

Kristi

[seldom]

You don't need FFS honey. You are soooooooo cute as you are.
Rashelle

I agree Rashelle.  What is that girl thinking about?

tink

I agree, too.  What would make Melissa confident and happy?  FFS doesn't seem to be necessary in her case.  I've seen her feminize a lot lately.

Kristi

That is what I told Melissa a few weeks back.  She looks cute.  I don't know why she is so worried. 

[melissa90299]

Doesn't T do most of it's damage by the age 25, bone structure wise?

You decide.  I posted my latest pic as of last night on my profile.  I didn't start HRT until age 28, I've been in it for a little over 15 months and I've never had any kind of facial surgery.  Does my bone structure look completely masculine?

It's tough for people to give friends objective advice, especially on a touchy subject like appearance. Everyone told me that I didn't need FFS but the way people react to me now is like night and day. (and the skin around my jaw is still settling in, it takes longer when one is a senior citizen like me!:)

Melissa, you are very cute, no doubt about it. But, honestly, you would benefit from it. Do you "need" it? Probably not (I would have to see clinical poses) but I can imagine you with higher brows and a narrow jaw. You would be beyond fabulous.

I think that a lot of times, the antagonists are ones who really want it but don't have the wherewithall to get it

I see this in my business all the time.  I offer some fairly advanced equipment.  I'll hear people say that "I don't need that." from a "purist" attitude.  In reality, if they could afford it, they'd have it.

In this, our context, we do whatever we can to improve ourselves.  I don't think that anyone condems anyone else for what they want. But the quesiton to each individual remains... do you need it?

If I could afford the trache shave... I'd go have it done that's for sure.  As far as FFS, I've lived my life for so long as I am, I'd hate to make significant changes.  I think that people would notice... and then start asking questions.  You see.. it isn't that I wouldn't want it.  I'm afraid.  Pure and simple.

Isn't that what pushes our lives around in this "secret" we live?  We live in fear.

Cindi

You would be surprised how people react.

You look so different, did you "lose weight" or whatever. Trust me, no one (except another trans) would guess you had "FFS" No one even knows what it is.

[katia]

The degree to which we have internalized those stereotypical expectations, controls to some extent how much we can accept ourselves as we are and how much we compare ourselves to some impossible ideal.  Perhaps TGs have internalized those stereotypes more than GGs, but that's not to say that GGs are immune.

On the other side, it is easy for GGs to criticize TGs for being sensitive about their looks.  After all, you have never walked a mile in our shoes.  If I could think of a way to create the equivalent of a Black Like Me experience for GGs, I would.  But how can I make you understand what it is like to not pass?  The best I can say is to try to imagine not passing as your gender for a whole year, and try to imagine how it would make you feel.  If that really happened to you, then you would become conscious of your appearance.  See the thing is, you just are a girl and when people look at you, you don't have to worry that they are judging you.  We do.  Every day.  Day after day.  A life-time's worth of days.  I have no desire for BA or FFS, and I pass, period.  But I spend alot of time looking over my shoulder expecting that I don't.  Until you've had to live like that, it's best not to throw stones.

terrific post lisbeth.  i also get livid when people, who have no clue of what we go through, have the audacity to criticize us.

[cindianna_jones]

You look so different, did you "lose weight" or whatever. Trust me, no one (except another trans) would guess you had "FFS" No one even knows what it is.

Nope.  The current black and white avatar is of Terry Farrell. She played in Deep Space 9 and a couple of B movies.  She's a babe!  I like to change my avatar frequently.  Usually the black and whites are other people. The color shots are of me.

Cindi

[asiangurliee]

I hate my nose , its not narrow and i dont like the shape of my jaw and i feel like i have a really big head and face. It kills me and makes me very insecure about looking up to people. I keep my head down when i dont feel confident which is alot of the times heh.