Being Pansexual, some questions for you.

[Shawn Sunshine]

I am thinking that I may infact be pansexual vs just liking cisgender women. I often fantasize about either being with a tomboyish woman (a lot) or a feminine boy (occasionally) or being with a transgender female or being with someone who is intersex. Is it wrong of me to want to act out on my fantasies and seek out those that do not fit the binary gender? I still like cisgender woman very much and I would date them as my 1st choice, but I still find my self occasionally attracted to others. So Does that really make me pansexual and if it does what do i do about it?

[Brooke777]

What do you do about it? Easy! Enjoy life! It is not really important how you label yourself. What is important is that you know yourself. You know what you like and don't like and you are comfortable with it. I think being pan makes things easier. For one, you can date anyone you find attractive, and you don't have to worry if they fit into a neat little gender box. You get to enjoy the whole person.

[Shawn Sunshine]

Well I wanted to avoid being seen as a ->-bleeped-<- ->-bleeped-<- or fantasy ->-bleeped-<-, because that's not what its about, I just feel attracted to certain people, and even though its usually ciswomen it often is something else. I just wonder where you draw the line from being attracted and admitting to that person you like them as a person but also because your simply attracted to their gender fluidity. How do you tell someone this without being seen as a ->-bleeped-<-.

[Brooke777]

IMHO, a ->-bleeped-<- is someone who is only after sex with a trans person. They don't want a relationship, just sex. If you are truly pansesxual, you are not just after sex, but an actual relationship. Being attracted to someone based on certain characteristics is normal. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

[Seb]

Don't worry about it, you can be something like "polysexual" which is just attraction to certain things. I call myself pansexual but the most interests I have are cis men, cis women, and trans women. I want to stay away from the "->-bleeped-<-" term too but you can't help what you like. You're not a ->-bleeped-<- if you're not just some player looking for a good time. You just find trans women attractive just like I do. Ain't no shame in it.

If you are pansexual, you just go on in life! It actually makes choices much easier hahaha.

[Shawn Sunshine]

wait, if your bisexual and pansexual, then that makes you polysexual?

[Seb]

Well, pansexual is like, you love everyone and anyone, and polysexual is like, you like a select few genders (but more than just cis male, cis female).

[Shawn Sunshine]

hmm well I am not attracted to masculine men or men with beards, mustaches or body hair, i still lean to the feminine side, so would that make me what then?

[Constance]

I consider myself to be panaffectionate. Attraction works in two distinct ways for me.

There's visual attraction, where there are certain features or characteristics that can be observed that I find visually attractive. Most women types (bull-dyke through femme) and some men types (usually lean) spark my interest visually.

But what I find truly attractive in that it inspired the desire for a relationship, is kindness. In the later years of my marriage my wife was not what I would have called visually attractive. But due to the bond I had with her and her kindness, I found her to be immensely attractive.

So, I think it's possible to be "pan" and not be visually attractive to every type of body one sees.

[Seb]

I think that makes you bisexual or polysexual with preferences. I prefer a more effeminate man, so we all have preferences.

And Constance, like you say the "kindness" I love that. I am very attracted to humor!

[Brooke777]

Being pan does not mean you are attracted to every person in the world. To me, it simply means you do not care about gender identity, and on the sexual side, you do not care about their genitalia. There are certain features I do not find attractive, but it has nothing to do with their gender identity.

What I find most attractive is someones heart. If they have a good, honest, loving, caring heart, I find that amazing.

[Seb]

Yes, you got the definition spot on. I couldn't word it properly.

[Padma]

Yup, what Brooke777 said. I prefer to call myself polysexual, but only because when you say pansexual, people seem to assume that means you fancy everyone . I think the edges between polysexual and pansexual are very blurred, when you consider that preference doesn't have to mean gender/sexual preference, but can just mean some people do it for you, and some don't.

I've just been reading some online definitions of both words, and it's very hard to be sure what the difference is supposed to be. Any ideas here? As far as these definitions go, I'm definitely pansexual - I just don't like the word!

[silly by the seashore]

Polysexual just makes it sound like it should have something to do with group sex to me. I know that isn't what it means, though.

[Constance]

Being pan does not mean you are attracted to every person in the world. To me, it simply means you do not care about gender identity, and on the sexual side, you do not care about their genitalia. There are certain features I do not find attractive, but it has nothing to do with their gender identity.

What I find most attractive is someones heart. If they have a good, honest, loving, caring heart, I find that amazing.

Yeah, this.

I should've added that since I recognize more than two genders and more than two sexes, that's why I don't call myself bi. There's more than the binary, so I say I'm pan.

[Padma]

Yes, I've noticed people mixing up polysexual and polyamorous in their minds too. It's a minefield . The most difficulty I have is in explaining that I'm polysexual but currently choosing not to be sexual., i.e. I'm attracted to people, but choosing not to act on that attraction (and not for any faith-based reason, so no, I'm not "celibate"*). People seem to think you only have a sexuality (or orientation) if you're being sexual. Pff. Sorry, a bit of an off-topic vent.

[*haha, oh, the irony, I'd forgotten that I'd put "celibate" as one of my profile tags, now changed...]

[Shawn Sunshine]

Well I'm not currently sexual or pursuing any kind of relations other than friends right now anyways. I wonder how many people a person meets and they don't know what polysexual or pansexual means , kinda like Hank Hill asking "so are ya Japanese or Chinese"? "Are ya gay or straight"?

I will share that I was attracted to a very soft and feminine looking boy on the subway while I was in San Fransisco, and it suprised me because I don't usually find men attractive in a sexual way. But I got all flustered and I might have said something, we were both smiling at each other too.

[Alainaluvsu]

What ever happened to just straight, homosexual, bisexual, or trisexual (for the intersexed I guess)?

Anyways, you're attracted to who ever you're attracted to. IDK what the need for all the labels are for. I for sure don't want a new label created for those interested in men and women, cis and trans. To me, that's bisexual, straight up. I'm kinda offended personally by those who think you're something other than straight / gay / bi simply because you like transgender people.

Not saying anybody in this thread means it that way, but I could imagine it comes off like that to some reading it.

[Brooke777]

Speaking for myself, liking a person that is trans is the same as liking someone who is cis of that same gender. Since I also like those who don't identify as a particular gender, or as both, that is what makes me pansexual. I can see how identifying as pan because you like trans people can be a bit offending.

[Padma]

I identify as polysexual/pansexual nowadays, since I found myself being attracted to people before I knew what gender they identified as. And since that has included some people who don't identify in binary terms, then gay/straight/bisexual could be construed as just as potentially offensive in that context (for the sake of argument - since for the moment, we're not talking about any actual people being actually offended, right?).