Acceptance, is it the biggest inner hurdle?

[togetherwecan]

I just got off the phone with Brooke. We talked a bit about cultures and how they relate to how a TS person feels about themselves and their GID. Her therapist asked her to think about that....so I wonder...
For each of you that struggle or have struggled with TS and wanting to just be yourselves (whether you transition or not) has the fear of unacceptance been your biggest hurdle?

Please explain how the need for acceptance or the fear of unacceptance has driven you throughout your life.

Also, for those of you who have *come out* to those around you, how has doing so helped or hurt how you now feel about yourself and GID. I don't mean how others have reacted to TS and you, but how the aspect of coming clean may or may not have changed you and your approach to just being who you are.

Also, when does self acceptance take precidence over others acceptance? How and when do you put *you* first wrt TS and *your* needs for your own emotional health?

Thanks in advance for your openess on this.

[Dennis]

I think for me it was my own acceptance that had to come first. The fear of others not accepting me was stemming more from my own lack of acceptance of myself and low self esteem.

Once that came, if anybody does make a comment or mess up pronouns or anything like that, I can shrug it off.

Dennis

[Omika]

Yes, it's rough.  Once you learn how to be completely honest with yourself about everything, the rest of life is a breeze.

~ Blair

[rhondabythebay]

has the fear of unacceptance been your biggest hurdle?

no

Please explain how the need for acceptance or the fear of unacceptance has driven you throughout your life.

It had driven most everything I did or didn't do. Not being acceptable was something I was terrified of...

Also, for those of you who have *come out* to those around you, how has doing so helped or hurt how you now feel about yourself and GID.

I like being me now, not to say it is all easy. I'm not afraid of life like I used to be. For example I almost never left the house on my own, now I go shopping or on a walk many times a week.

Also, when does self acceptance take precidence over others acceptance? How and when do you put *you* first wrt TS and *your* needs for your own emotional health?

Like Dennis, I had to accept what I am first, after that I wasn't as concerned with other people accepting me. When I say others, I don't mean SO's tho. I'm working on a letter to my Mom now, that is a worry at the moment. I've been feeling so good about the way my wife and children have responded, I'm loathe to open my self up to rejection from the rest of the family.

Hugs,

Rhonda

[Kaitlyn]

Self-acceptance was the biggest challenge for me, as most everyone has mentioned already. Though for me, I had a hard time doing that until I realized that I already had good friends who were accepting me as I am. Once I understood that, I started to realize I had been holding myself back the whole time. If I just be myself, then the people who matter to me will stay by my side. Just reaching that point of being comfortable with my identity lifted a tremendous burden from my shoulders, and suddenly the rest of the world didn't seem as intimidating.

To be fair though, I've probably been having a somewhat easier time crossing between gender-spaces than most people would. Passing and outside acceptance were my major fears until I began to accept myself.

~Kaitlyn

[zombiesarepeaceful]

Well. Coming out for me made me feel better that they knew I was a man and not a lesbian >.<.  I'm not really accepted, but I'm not outrightly rejected either. The only place I see people's reactions is at work and a few managers have rejected my transition but other's have helped me through it. Even saw another guy I work with in the men's room and he treated me like a regular guy. Two managers have been there for me alot.  I told a couple people I was trans before I started transitioning, and for the most part I was accepted well, didn't lose my job at least.

I never rejected myself when I figured out what I was. I always knew I wasn't female so it wasnt much of a suprise to me when I put a name to it, more of a relief that I had something to tell people to define this. Acceptance isn't too big for me. I know one day I'll be just another guy to people, after surgery etc. I never lived for other people anyhow.

Matt