How do I get out of being looked at as a referee during Christmas once again?

[SarahM777]

Please don't get me wrong I love Thanksgiving and Christmas,but I really hate being around my family during the holidays. After 50 years of arguments,fights,whining,crying,complaining,manipulation,those being drunk and or stoned,yada yada yada, I am so tired of being put in the middle of all of this. My one brother and his family are coming over and I already know how this is going to play out and I am just at my breaking point.

It's already started like it usually does,mom gets mad because my other brothers and sisters don't call (Although she doesn't call them either) for Thanksgiving,and it doesn't help that my one brother that lives about 10 miles away,plays games about whether he will come for Thanksgiving or not. (They don't call each other on Thanksgiving either) After Thanksgiving they will go back and for for two to three weeks if he's coming for Christmas. (Makes for a wonderful uplifting atmosphere) Most years he will finally decide to go to his mother in laws. But she usually finds out last minute and that doesn't make her happy. When he does finally come he will be an hour or two late. (That doesn't help) After about an hour of being here,as surely as the sun rising in the east,she will get ticked off at my five year nephew and will then come tome and start ragging on about him,my brother and his wife. My brother will then come to me and start ragging on about mom.  I am so tired of being played off of all of them,I just want them to take care of the issues between them,and leave me out of it.
I can't fix it for them if they refuse to talk to each other and work it out between themselves.

Sorry for the rant but I just have to get this off my chest.

[Sara Thomas]

Wish I could offer some good advice... but instead will wish you well and sane.

Take care of yourself - Sadie

[suzifrommd]

I don't know you so I don't know how well this would work, but here it is in case the suggestion helps.

First sit everyone down. Recite a set of ground rules. Things like "I will not listen to talk about other family members", "If you fight amongst yourselves, I will leave the room", etc. Make it a list of things YOU will do, not things you expect them to do. That way you're covered whether they choose to comply or not.

Second, follow through. If they come to you to complain about each other, tell them you won't listen. If they persist, go into another room and do something you want to do, like read, watch youtube, talk, text, or catch up on susan's posts, something that you might do anyway. Insist upon following your own rules. This way it won't matter, because you will have removed yourself from the situation and will be doing something pleasant.

Prepare for pushback and aggravation on their part, but stick to your guns.

I hope this helps, Sarah. Enjoy your holiday the best you can.

[SarahM777]

Wish I could offer some good advice... but instead will wish you well and sane.

Take care of yourself - Sadie

Thanks Sadie,

I will.

[SarahM777]

I don't know you so I don't know how well this would work, but here it is in case the suggestion helps.

First sit everyone down. Recite a set of ground rules. Things like "I will not listen to talk about other family members", "If you fight amongst yourselves, I will leave the room", etc. Make it a list of things YOU will do, not things you expect them to do. That way you're covered whether they choose to comply or not.

Second, follow through. If they come to you to complain about each other, tell them you won't listen. If they persist, go into another room and do something you want to do, like read, watch youtube, talk, text, or catch up on susan's posts, something that you might do anyway. Insist upon following your own rules. This way it won't matter, because you will have removed yourself from the situation and will be doing something pleasant.

Prepare for pushback and aggravation on their part, but stick to your guns.

I hope this helps, Sarah. Enjoy your holiday the best you can.

Thanks ag,

That sounds like a very good idea. I will try that and see how it goes.