Hi Karen and welcome to Susan's. Reading your story I saw parallels to my own. When I was in my early teens I didn't understand what was wrong with me. I thought I was simply a crossdressing homosexual, though I never had any homosexual experiences. Just didn't know what to make of myself. Anyway, like you I went into the military and eventually ended up in one of those so-called "elite units", all for the purpose of making a man out of myself. I actually enjoyed the work, but it was difficult to maintain that manly persona. I even married to force myself to be a man (though I loved her as well). Eventually I left the military and I, like you, tried being a truck driver. Did that for about a year. Anyway, here I am just trying to maintain my sanity and hoping that I don't let depression get the best of me. There are good people here and they're willing to help guide you along your path. Between them and the available resources here, you should get all the help you need (along with that of a good gender therapist). Take care.
