Hello brothers and sisters. It sure has been a while since I have been on here again, but with all the emotional stress going on right now in my family, I felt as if I wasn't ready to return.
For those of you that don't know what is going on, my brother got in a lot of trouble and was considering suicide as a route to escape. He just recently broke up with his drug addicted girlfriend and texted my dad, begging us to put him in rehab. It was the real first breakthrough we have had with him, and now I can be a ease a little more.
On a darker note, one can't keep themselves of thinking of the "what ifs". I was set to run away if my brother died. I was going to run and hope I could remake myself in a less hostile place, but there is no running from ones own heart.
It still feels like I am going back and forth in my head about everything at this point. If I were given the money to transition, i would do it in a heartbeat. But since I work full time in retail, I feel like it would be hard to transition there. Not even quite sure if they dont discriminate against persons with gender identity problems. It is an okay job, and I know I will be moving up in the chain soon. The district manager has had several talks with me about my work ethic and the work i do for our customers. I have been the number 1 representative in the district for over a month and a half now, and if I keep it up by the end of the quarter, then I will be put in the fast track to store management. That scares me a little, but bring on the challenge!
I might have to move away, and moving almost anywhere other than here would help me, both in finding a therapist that actually tries to help (Also, if you could let me know of an online therapist who's rates isn't borderline murder, I have been looking at that route. Thanks). It would be hard to come out to my family, especially my father. I tend to over think everything, but it seems like my dad might be a little more accepting than I may have realized. Recently he has told me that it wasn't my mom that wanted me to be a girl, but it was him. He wanted another go at being a father to a daughter since the first time he was at work all the time. I was him that got me all the girl clothes and picked out my girl name, and it was a shock to everyone that I was born a male.
My dad is very old fashioned, but he has several friends that belong to the GLBT group.
but then again... he is my dad... and i and scared of him...
