Convincing family to pay for transition?

[Mayra Viamonte]

Hi, everybody

I'm 23, andI've spent the last few (many) weeks reading over this forum, researching on  the internet and talking to a psychologist. I'm absolutely certain of what I want.
This week beggining today, I'll ve searching for endocrinologists to begin my HRT.
Now, my next hardship seems to convince my family to pay for an FFS on the first semester of next year, and breast im plants on the second. Hair implant (for the small recession caused by the beggining of adulthood) and SRS I plan on paying by myself in the future. I can also afford the HRT.

I know they have the money, and since my grandfather is a retired military, they could easily get a pay-a-cent-each-month-for-life kind of loan, so that's not the problem. His wife, my grandmother, was never employed, but she's the money manager, and my father is distant, but also has a very good income. Mother can barely support herself.

So, the goal here is to convince either my grandmother or my father (or both) to pay for the whole ordeal. I don't want to go into the "help me or I'll kill myself" routine, even tough it's most likely true. After all, there's a reason I finally gave up trying to live a life as this half-ass boy and become what I am.

I guess stories of succes would help me, or council from wiser, older people.

And no, I can't imagine myself living without passing (Brazil is a significantly hostile country to transgenders), so I won't be able to transition without these procedures that some people might consider needless or superficial.

Thanks in advance

[JenJen2011]

Hi, everybody

I'm 23, andI've spent the last few (many) weeks reading over this forum, researching on  the internet and talking to a psychologist. I'm absolutely certain of what I want.
This week beggining today, I'll ve searching for endocrinologists to begin my HRT.
Now, my next hardship seems to convince my family to pay for an FFS on the first semester of next year, and breast im plants on the second. Hair implant (for the small recession caused by the beggining of adulthood) and SRS I plan on paying by myself in the future. I can also afford the HRT.

I know they have the money, and since my grandfather is a retired military, they could easily get a pay-a-cent-each-month-for-life kind of loan, so that's not the problem. His wife, my grandmother, was never employed, but she's the money manager, and my father is distant, but also has a very good income. Mother can barely support herself.

So, the goal here is to convince either my grandmother or my father (or both) to pay for the whole ordeal. I don't want to go into the "help me or I'll kill myself" routine, even tough it's most likely true. After all, there's a reason I finally gave up trying to live a life as this half-ass boy and become what I am.

I guess stories of succes would help me, or council from wiser, older people.

And no, I can't imagine myself living without passing (Brazil is a significantly hostile country to transgenders), so I won't be able to transition without these procedures that some people might consider needless or superficial.

Thanks in advance

Hmm. Well, let's see. You're 23. So, you're an adult. You're old enough to work. Your best bet is to get a job, save, and pay for it all yourself. Sorry if that sounds harsh but you can't expect other people to pay for your transition. If they end up wanting to help, then congratulations and we'll all be happy for you. But don't get upset with them if they decide not to. As far as tips for convincing them, maybe others will chime in. Good luck.

[wheat thins are delicious]

Hmm. Well, let's see. You're 23. So, you're an adult. You're old enough to work. Your best bet is to get a job, save, and pay for it all yourself. Sorry if that sounds harsh but you can't expect other people to pay for your transition. If they end up wanting to help, then congratulations and we'll all be happy for you. But don't get upset with them if they decide not to. As far as tips for convincing them, maybe others will chime in. Good luck.

This.  It really sucks yeah but they can do what they want with their money and if they don't want to use it to help you transition that is their prerogative. 

Why do you feel you need FFS?  You might not depending on your face structure.
Also why so quick to get implants when you haven't even gone on HRT yet.

[Bird]

Viamonte

My family could afford my transition if they wanted to, however, my parents are extremely opposed to it and I am on my own regarding this. As to Brazil being hostile to TG people, yes it can be, but it is also a large country.

I am brazilian and I live at the south, I don't pass 100% but I can live my life just fine. The matter actually is not if you can live without passing, but can you live without transitioning?

If you can't live without transitioning, then you must find the mean to live without passing or to pass asap.

[Mayra Viamonte]

Oh, I'm quite aware of their free will with their money, and I'm not about to blame them if they decide not to help. That's not the point here.

I would like not to be judged in this topic. I'll try to explain briefly about why I don't get a job, but if you don't understand or agree, plase don't drag this subject on:

I live on my father's... erm... parental pension, I believe it may be called. He didn't pay that for several years to my mom when I was younger, so he faces jail time from her if he stops. With that money, I have to pay for my college, my clothes, my medicine, and anything I want to buy for myself, from candy to drug store supplies. With that, I can also pay for my HRT and replacing my wardrobe. If I get a job, i instantly lose that money, and no job right now will pay more than my pension. So I don't really have a choice there.

Andy, I would also ask not to be judged on my choice of procedures, but once again, I'll explain briefly: my nose and chin are unexplicably long for a woman, and Adam's apple is a sure giveaway. As for the breasts, I have quite the wide shoulders, so no amount of HRT will create a believable size. But most importantly, the population of transgenders in Rio de Janeiro is large, so most people here can tell easily a transgender from a cisgender woman. And just as quickly associate such a person with prostitution.

Bird, there's where it gets interesting. My family isn't specially prejudicial and, aside from my ex-military grandfather, none of them is likely to oppose it. Well, no more than any normal person would, facing such uncommon situations. So it's more a matter of explainign I REALLY need this. And I can't really live without transitioning. But I can't imagine myself living without passing either, not after witnessing so many others goign through it in here. But you, my dear friend... with you I'm gonna have a longer conversation in private. I can't believe I found another brazilian here.

Getting back on the topic, if anyone else here has had experiences of talking their family into supporting their cause, please reply.

[Bird]

You can find more than one if you look really hard

Do you want to talk through MSN or facebook? It is easier, just pm me your adresses and I will find you.

[wheat thins are delicious]

I live on my father's... erm... parental pension, I believe it may be called. He didn't pay that for several years to my mom when I was younger, so he faces jail time from her if he stops. With that money, I have to pay for my college, my clothes, my medicine, and anything I want to buy for myself, from candy to drug store supplies. With that, I can also pay for my HRT and replacing my wardrobe. If I get a job, i instantly lose that money, and no job right now will pay more than my pension. So I don't really have a choice there.

And you can save that money, at least that which is not going towards your essentials and put that towards surgery.  Maybe if you save a good amount your family will help you with the rest.

As for the breasts, I have quite the wide shoulders, so no amount of HRT will create a believable size.

You have not started HRT so you don't actually know what will happen breast-wise for you.

[Michelle.]

I second what Andy has said about saving. Does Brazil allow for another to co-sign your loans? Cosign means they cover the loan if you default.

Now onto FFS/BA/SRS. There's a reason why the SOC say to wait al least a year, with full time. One reason is to give the HRT time to work it's magic.

Hair restoration might be a good starting point. Even with those I would still go to a clinic that has prior experience with us. That and be upfront about your transition.

Best of luck and welcome to Susans.

[Mahsa Tezani]

Hmm. Well, let's see. You're 23. So, you're an adult. You're old enough to work. Your best bet is to get a job, save, and pay for it all yourself. Sorry if that sounds harsh but you can't expect other people to pay for your transition. If they end up wanting to help, then congratulations and we'll all be happy for you. But don't get upset with them if they decide not to. As far as tips for convincing them, maybe others will chime in. Good luck.

What JenJen said.

[mementomori]

Hmm. Well, let's see. You're 23. So, you're an adult. You're old enough to work. Your best bet is to get a job, save, and pay for it all yourself. Sorry if that sounds harsh but you can't expect other people to pay for your transition. If they end up wanting to help, then congratulations and we'll all be happy for you. But don't get upset with them if they decide not to. As far as tips for convincing them, maybe others will chime in. Good luck.

a very late reply but i couldnt resist , you know that some people can not get a job due to being trans right ?

[Mayra Viamonte]

Not important anymore, the fmaily did pay for the facial surgery, I've transition back in April, and all goes well =) Take a look at my other posts.