What'd'ya call this and have you experienced it?

[aleon515]

I was talking to a mtf friend of mine and she talked about how she is sometimes accepted as female even if she doesn't really pass. I've seen this with my girl friend as well.

I realized I have also experienced it. I am never "sirred" leading me to believe I don't pass. But I have felt in situations that I was treated as male and talked with in a way that I was never talked to when I presented female. Mostly these are places where the people know who I am, but not really as an acquaintance. Perhaps in a store or restaurant.

So I want a term for this. Just because I like words and think it might be fun. I'd also be interested in people having a similar experience.

--Jay

[Jamie D]

Latin generis from the Greek genos: sex or gender

Latin comitas: courtesy or friendliness

generocomity (noun) - gender acceptance

[AdamMLP]

I've definitely experienced it. At college where they're acting no different to what they were before they got told I was "female" because I'm not out, just lucky enough to look pretty male, and some kid at my school before who actually started using male words for me and calling me "sir". That was all while wearing a skirt.

I don't know a word for it, I just refer to it as their subconsciousness understanding my true gender.

[Nero]

I got this a lot pre-transition. Never passed though. Guys I just met would start talking different in mid conversation once they saw what I was about. And I was told I was 'like a man' by people I just met. In a nice way, not a mocking way. And this as a 'pretty' girl. The only times I didn't get this was when I was trying really hard to hide myself, ie basically not talking at all (which I did with certain people and situations).

Have no idea what's it called lol. But yeah, I know what you're talking about. Pre-transition anyway, don't think I got this afterward. You're still pre-transition?

[aleon515]

I really meant to post this to the "transgender forum".

BTW, there is no word. I thought that maybe someone might enjoy trying to name it.

Could someone move this for me?

--Jay

[suzifrommd]

Jay, I agree there needs to be a word for this.

Many of the post-transition transgender woman I know in real life live their lives this way. They don't pass and they know it but they make it clear they are women and expect to be treated that way.

Since I'm transitioning in place, and everyone knows I was born with a male body, I'm figuring this is in my future as well.

So how would I describe this? "I know I don't pass but I ______."

Fill in the blank.

[Lesley_Roberta]

Looking at the thread and trying to define the thread focus, and the word that occurs to me...

Futile...

Well that is how I feel most days.

I wake, eliminate the male urge that won't shut up otherwise, then hop in my bubble bath make myself smell pretty, perfume, hair nice and washed and brushed as best I can. But who am I kidding, I have male pattern baldness and that ruins everything. Short of wearing a wig and going all out, well I will look like a guy regardless of how nice I smell. I will look like a guy wearing perfume.

People insist on thinking of me as the old version. I get looked at as the old me. My wife has a friend that was a hair dresser, she kids me about the comb over. Sorry but comb over is a desperate male vanity issue. I have no interest in being bald sorry deal with it. And reminding me of a cliche male behaviour gets you no points with me. My hair needs to go somewhere when I brush it. I plan to let it grow long. What little I have on the top half of my head, it still has to go somewhere.

I get a bit depressed when mom introduces me to fellow tenants in her building as her son. But she's 80 and I am happy she is who she is, but it just doesn't seem to sink in, I'd rather be introduced as her daughter, but that would only confuse the other seniors. Yes mom, I know you wanted my name to be Robert Leslie not Leslie Robert, but frankly I am not either. I just want to be Lesley Roberta.

I don't know how I present when I walk down the street, but I couldn't really care less. I carry a purse, I wear it like a purse. BUT it IS a purse after all.

So much of my life lately just seems to be

F U T I L E .

[FTMDiaries]

I've noticed this too and I have no idea what to call it.

Pre-transition I noticed people would address me as 'madam' all the time. Now that I'm transitioning, it's very rare that I get 'madamed' (but it hurts like hell when it happens, of course) and people don't condescend me like they used to when I was presenting as female.

I think people in general are at least subconsciously aware that there are some of us who do not conform to gender norms. They don't know what to call such people, so they just speak to us in general terms rather than addressing us specifically as 'sir' or 'madam'. Which is quite courteous really, when you think about it. In my opinion, the ones who address me as 'madam' are people who think I'm a butch lesbian and they're trying to be respectful.

I don't pass well enough yet for 'sir', but at least most people seem to be clued in enough to not 'madam' me. Apart from that barista in the local Starbucks, who rushes around at Warp Factor Nine and always calls me 'madam' before rushing away without giving me an opportunity to correct her. Someday... someday...

[Ayden]

Huh. Y'know I hadn't really thought about it until I was talking to a guy friend who asked about a gal we both know. She lost her internet and was going through some tough times and he was worried about her. Anyway, I realized that the way he talks about her and the way he talks about me and refers to the both of us is totally different. I jokingly mentioned it and his response was "You're just a guy." The fact that he has always talked to me the same way even when I was pre-transition and he has known me as both a gal and a guy only recently hit me. I started thinking about it and I realized pretty much every guy I know, including my brothers (the only exception being my father) talk to me like I'm just one of the guys.

I don't have a word for it. But my childhood friend, who is pretty much a sister after 16 years of knowing her, says I have "bromanship" with pretty much everyone.

[Lesley_Roberta]

Sigh... I am so many cliches that I suppose I regret being, but in an ironic and tragically funny way are almost re affirming in their own silly way too.

My internet/computer guru buddy just waltzed through sorting out my Voip.ms phone set up via remote connection in a fashion that leaves me feeling like the classic helpless old woman I sort of totally feel like the moment technology is involved. I recently switched internet providers and in the process went to a Voip phone.

He makes it look so easy. And I can't really fault him for how he talks to me during this.

I suppose if I was single, and wasn't the view I really am, he might even ask me to say thank you in the manner he normally gets girls to say thank you for fixing their computer problems

I suppose I am lucky I am married and not pretty at the moment

[SunKat]

This could probably use a little work, but how about...

Instead of "Clocking" someone, you're "Clicking" with them.
Instead of being "Clocked", you're "being Clicked"

Aside the connotation of "clicking with someone" as getting along with a person, there is also the homophones of "click" and "clique", which suggests the inclusion of an individual in a group.

[Jeatyn]

This could probably use a little work, but how about...

Instead of "Clocking" someone, you're "Clicking" with them.
Instead of being "Clocked", you're "being Clicked"

Aside the connotation of "clicking with someone" as getting along with a person, there is also the homophones of "click" and "clique", which suggests the inclusion of an individual in a group.

I like this, I think it works well

Before T that sort of interaction didn't happen too often, I was always "one of the guys" but in a tomboy way rather than ACTUALLY being one of the guys.

I first time I can recall being certain I was being treated like a proper bloke was when my brother took me for a pint and asked for relationship advice. It was so weird, we'd never ever had a conversation like that in our lives, our relationship before then had always had the dynamic of me being the little sister he needed to protect. His attitude towards me changed completely when I came out, it's like he just relaxed and started treating me like an equal rather than a delicate flower he needed to walk on eggshells around.

[aleon515]

This could probably use a little work, but how about...

Instead of "Clocking" someone, you're "Clicking" with them.
Instead of being "Clocked", you're "being Clicked"

Aside the connotation of "clicking with someone" as getting along with a person, there is also the homophones of "click" and "clique", which suggests the inclusion of an individual in a group.

Hey this one is GOOD!!

--Jay