Just a friend?

[GypsySoul]

Things have been so complicated lately and I have no one on the outside to talk to who could possibly understand what is happening in my life. Thank goodness for Susans. Last week my love and I decided we needed to find our own spaces and relearn ourselves. We have both changed so much over the last year. The last few months maybe more so. My Claire is coming into herself, shes feeling happiness for the first time and I am so very happy for her. But I am going through the same thing, since I started taking my meds I've been experiencing things I didnt know I could feel. This elation and happiness is not something I have ever known before. I dont know how to live with these feelings. She says the same. We dont know who we really are anymore.

I've been seeing someone in some respect or another, Claire actually encourages the 'relationship' between us. She knows that I have certain needs she cant fulfill and wants me to be taken care of. But I feel like either entering into this relationship will permanently void the relationship I have and want with her or that her being so willing to let me go should be a sign and I should just try and move on. I dont want to hurt her. She says so long as I am still here for her... Like I could ever not be?!.... there is no way I can hurt her. And she wants me to explore whatever it is that is happening between myself and our friend (the one I've been seeing)... This is so bloody complicated.

So, we found a bigger house, one where we can each have our own rooms (there is no way we are splitting our family up!) and spaces. But I dont know how to be just her friend. I dont want to be just her friend. But I dont know how or even if this can work itself out. Do I keep trying even when we both know it isnt working right now? Do I let myself feel something for someone else? Do I just say eff it and give up on it all? Am I just going crazy  ?  Why cant things just be simple, why is there not a how to guide on making a relationship work through and past transitioning?!

[spacial]

She says so long as I am still here for her... Like I could ever not be?!.... there is no way I can hurt her. And she wants me to explore whatever it is that is happening between myself and our friend (the one I've been seeing)... This is so bloody complicated.

Seems pretty good to me. Rather an unconventional relationship if you don't mind me saying, but that's no reason it won't work.

You both do seem pretty together.

[blueconstancy]

It is certainly possible to have a successful poly relationship, which is what this sounds like. Also, some people just aren't wired to get jealous/defensive/possessive. It doesn't *necessarily* mean that she doesn't love you or wouldn't fight to keep what she has with you, simply because she feels that you have enough love to go around. She's not "letting you go," she's offering to share because she trusts that you'll always be there for her too. As far as that goes, my advice would be to believe her, because even if she's lying about her own feelings (and it doesn't sound that way), there's no way for you to know that and you can't go through life second-guessing every thing she says to you.

[spacial]

As blueconstancy says, it's possible, but you know reality well enough.

It really depends upon how well you can both keep your emotions under control.

But it's a matter for you really. You know the consequences. You're obviously pretty intelligent. Best of luck

[chloe23]

Sometimes when you second guess your self, all you do is put more pressure on your self and the parties involved.

[Andi31]

I think the interesting part would be if she started seeing someone else causally, just how you yourself would react to this would be another step to know whether its time to stay or whether you could all coexist.

Speaking from real life experience my partner lee took on a lover on the side which was fine but when I started a relationship of sorts with a lesbian woman things got complicated quickly as lee got so jealous and after a month we were at breaking point.

We ended up staying together after much communication and just ended up being more creative with things and we always loved each other but in the end we found a middle ground but as a previous poster stated I am not wired for jealousy but my partner couldn't stand it.

There is no right or wrong way to go about this just see how things go and be true to yourself.

Andi