Do you attend holiday gatherings?

[Shantel]

Unfortunately the various holidays are a time of depression and suicides for many. The EMT's and ER's are busiest as they are during the full moon cycles. More families erupt into alcohol fueled fights, shootings and murders abound. I stopped at a Starbucks kiosk at the mall one Christmas time and took a seat in a handy overstuffed chair to sip my coffee and observe people. It seemed as if the duty bound shoppers were all so consumed with finding the perfect tie for uncle Fred and what not, that there were few smiles but many looks of hurried frustration and consternation on the faces of shoppers, to which I thought, "Gee are we having fun yet?"

[Missamy]

Christmas is really Saturnailia/Yuletide with Jesus and Easter is from Germanic pagans. So I'm fine with holidays.

[Natalie]

Since I don't believe in God it negates me celebrating "religious" holidays. I don't see a point in it and to do so is a form of hypocrisy: "I don't believe in God but am going to celebrate christian holidays"...really hypocrite? That's absurd! I see non-religous holidays as nothing more than rituals charged with social significance that reflects the structure of society and I have no trouble celebrating things like the Fourth of July or Veterans Day. Religious holidays, however, I see completely different entirely. In my subjective opinion, I see belief in a deity as a type of mental defect, a of cognitive distortion in reasoning where people are consumed with anecdotal hasty generalizations supported by confirmatory biases thus, they engage in a host of composition errors purported as "truth." If you want to get technical the notion of faith as expressed by Christianity, or any religion really, relies specifically on abstract notions with no basis in logic or evidence to validate it while producing irrational intransigence (e.g. you are going to hell if you don't believe what I believe).

I mean, claiming that I or anyone else will burn in hell because God will punish us is an ad baculum error in reasoning which makes the argument invalid. In order for that appeal to fear to work one must believe the same thing the religious person does and when people don't, like me, it makes the argument completely invalid and irrelevant. What I find truly sad is that people like that will still try to hold onto that argument knowing people like me do not believe in their conceptualization (delusion really) of God and continue "faithfully" to keep their absurd, erroneous assertions. To me, the moment someone brings a diety into the conversation everything they have to say looses validity and I tend to refrain from any further discourse with them. The real problems that stem from religion, especially Islam and Christianity, is that they cannot respect differences and lash out at anything that is aberrant to their ideology. I respect a person's 1st amendment right to freedom of religion and to believe as they see fit so long as they do not try to dictate my life with their religion; but that never really seems to happen.

That's my opinion on the matter.

[Gewaltraud]

On unavoidable family holidays like xmas or weddings, I just dress "nicely" and put on a black t-shirt with a white and black striped dress shirt buttoned over the top, nice black pants and my black and white striped dress shoes.

Can't go wrong with black and white!

[Galyo]

I only attend christmass gatherings with my family because they want to. Personally, I think a family gathering would be a lot more geniune if it occured for no other reason than that you like and value another. Unfortunately, a lot of families need christmass as an excuse to force themselves together against their own will, which I think is a bit sad.

[Tamika Olivia]

Yes, absolutely. I'm a big fan of Christmas. Presents, food, family, weird mythology about fat elves and people fathering themselves? What's not to love?

[Midnightstar]

I enjoy Christmas and holidays i find the history behind them to be interesting
however there has only ever been one problem with religion and holidays i had,that was at my best friends grandmothers house she was very religious and grew up in the deep south so she likes people to pray before eating. She raised the younger children at the table to do the same and they didn't know any other religions/non religion. So when i went down to eat and waited till there grandmother walked out the kids started praying same with my friend and the kid noticed i didn't close my eyes or pray. The kid asked "Why aren't you praying?" Worst question to be asked in a house hold of the south who believe in god!
Or so i believed at the time! i was scared to say the least and kept silent my best friend gave me a chance but noticed i was startled and said for me something that changed topic. After i spoke to her about it and i think if i could reply that day or if it comes up again in my life i'd just be honest in a kind way of course.
Most people respect it by going along with it to tell you the truth although you don't have to, personally i'd just fake it till nobody's looking and open my eyes after most don't catch you

[Tessa James]

I enjoy Christmas and holidays i find the history behind them to be interesting
however there has only ever been one problem with religion and holidays i had,that was at my best friends grandmothers house she was very religious and grew up in the deep south so she likes people to pray before eating. She raised the younger children at the table to do the same and they didn't know any other religions/non religion. So when i went down to eat and waited till there grandmother walked out the kids started praying same with my friend and the kid noticed i didn't close my eyes or pray. The kid asked "Why aren't you praying?" Worst question to be asked in a house hold of the south who believe in god!
Or so i believed at the time! i was scared to say the least and kept silent my best friend gave me a chance but noticed i was startled and said for me something that changed topic. After i spoke to her about it and i think if i could reply that day or if it comes up again in my life i'd just be honest in a kind way of course.
Most people respect it by going along with it to tell you the truth although you don't have to, personally i'd just fake it till nobody's looking and open my eyes after most don't catch you

Respect or acquiescence?  You didn't ask for advice or a challenge but I have dealt with this subject often with a large family that contains many fundamentalist folks.  Of course, we don't want to hurt others, but what about being true to ourselves?  I used to debate folks and could too easily trash religious nonsense and biblical verse by using their own sources.  It got to be too easy and to what end, I had to ask myself.  I am not really any smarter or better.  I am free from the near constant worry some have about what god wants me to do silliness and yet I am responsible for my life.  I won't ever say the devil made me do it

And then for me it is situational.  I love holiday gatherings and yet some family members will always try to dominate the event with references to their deities, prayers and religious obligations and observances as if that is the moral high ground.

It is only too easy, once again, to point out how little correlation there is between professed religiosity and actual moral behavior.  There are so many reasons that the fastest growing group proclaims "none of the above"

[Cindi Jones]

I moved to California from Utah nearly thirty years ago. I'd been disowned and literally told to leave the state. I was excommunicated and publicly humiliated. I'd go back occasionally to share Thanksgiving or Christmas in the early years, but I soon established a family here. People that had no where to go. People who I had a connection with.

I've established my own traditions and many of those people have gone their separate ways. I still have one close friend. I stay in California to share my holidays with her. I am close to my mother and siblings. My kids are coming around now as well. I try to spend a few months with them each year. But I'm not sure if I'll ever return to share the holidays with them. That's what happens when family disenfranchises another family member.

Cindi

[Kylo]

Christmas has largely lost its religious meaning for most here in the UK. It's an excuse to be neurotic about the Day 'being a good one', get drunk and eat too much. At least, that's what I've observed in my life.

When people here say it I don't even interpret it as religious. It's just a customary thing to say. A generally nice thing to say, so I'm all right with it.

I do hate Christmas gatherings with family though. My disliking it has more to do with neurotic family members who drink too much and start fighting, or go on downers because that's the thing to do at Christmas apparently, or other relatives and in-laws who start being asses the moment they think someone isn't being Christmassy enough... it's the people that ruin it or make it hard to bear. Christmas itself is just another day for me. A good day usually, as I like to take a nice walk on Xmas day while there's less people about. Goes without saying NONE of the people I know actually go to church on Christmas day. I've been in more churches than they ever will, and I'm not even a Christian... I'd rather sit quiet in a church though than deal with a family gathering on the 25th, lol.

[Galyo]

Your post summed it up perfectly for me, T.K.G.W.

[Midnightstar]

Respect or acquiescence?  You didn't ask for advice or a challenge but I have dealt with this subject often with a large family that contains many fundamentalist folks.  Of course, we don't want to hurt others, but what about being true to ourselves?  I used to debate folks and could too easily trash religious nonsense and biblical verse by using their own sources.  It got to be too easy and to what end, I had to ask myself.  I am not really any smarter or better.  I am free from the near constant worry some have about what god wants me to do silliness and yet I am responsible for my life.  I won't ever say the devil made me do it

And then for me it is situational.  I love holiday gatherings and yet some family members will always try to dominate the event with references to their deities, prayers and religious obligations and observances as if that is the moral high ground.

It is only too easy, once again, to point out how little correlation there is between professed religiosity and actual moral behavior.  There are so many reasons that the fastest growing group proclaims "none of the above"

Sorry, i don't think i understand what you're asking.

[Colleen M]

Sometimes my wife really wants to go to them, and I go because my wife can't drive.  Unfortunately, my mother-in-law is one of those who really screws up the parenting thing 360 days a year and then pretends all is well at holiday gatherings.  The fragility and sheer desperation of her pretense is actually pretty pathetic, all things considered.  We generally go until my wife can't take it any more, and then leave on her schedule.  I usually find a seat somewhere out of the way and surf the web as much as possible before I get roped into cleanup after a big meal I didn't want to eat in the first place.  At least a few years of passing gift cards straight on to my wife means everybody has finally figured out I mean it when I say I don't do gift exchanges.     

So I can probably say I'm generally present for holiday gatherings, but I honestly don't qualify as much of a participant.  In all candor, it's an argument for moving to another city.           

[Tessa James]

Sorry, i don't think i understand what you're asking.

You wrote about "respecting it (prayer) by going along with it...."  I wonder if that is demonstrating respecting or avoiding a conflict?   

I am no one's judge and have used all kinds of behavior to avoid conflicts or keep out of trouble.  I do prefer to be direct and simply do not participate in or acknowledge public prayer.  There are diplomatic ways to maintain our integrity "in a kind way of course"  IMO there are no wrong answers about your beliefs or feelings about this topic

[Tysilio]

My family is mainly atheists; chosen family members are also Jewish and Buddhist, with some Unitarians and Quakers on the periphery. I've been an atheist from the get-go, but I celebrate Jewish holidays with the Jews, Christmas with everyone else (the Buddhist is very fond of Christmas), and Winter Solstice with everybody (all the UUs turn out for that).

For the atheists in the family, I think Christmas is the main holiday. We pretty much quit celebrating Easter after Grandma died. (I could never resist asking "Did He see his shadow?")

The truly sacred holiday is Fishing Opener, with opening day of deer season a close second. 

A person can't have too many holidays. But nobody prays.

[Midnightstar]

You wrote about "respecting it (prayer) by going along with it...."  I wonder if that is demonstrating respecting or avoiding a conflict?   

I am no one's judge and have used all kinds of behavior to avoid conflicts or keep out of trouble.  I do prefer to be direct and simply do not participate in or acknowledge public prayer.  There are diplomatic ways to maintain our integrity "in a kind way of course"  IMO there are no wrong answers about your beliefs or feelings about this topic

Oh i understand now, i don't go along with it often i mostly just open my eyes or don't do it at all depending on the situation. I say respect because a lot of people i speak with on other sites just say its respectful to go along even if you don't agree (i don't think it is ) but i guess i sort of copied what i heard.
i personally would suggest just not doing it to people who ask me.

[rose]

I'm force to the religious gathering
Nobody know that im atheist I'm keeping it secret for my own  safety

[AnneK]

The only holiday gathering we have in my family is Dec. 25.  We have a good time exchanging gifts, having dinner etc.  There is no religious nonsense however.  I just consider it a nice time for a get together and I don't forget the fact that a "pagan" holiday was hijacked by the church to create "Christmas".

[AnneK]

You wrote about "respecting it (prayer) by going along with it...."

About the only time I set foot in a church would be for weddings and funerals.  I just sit there and ignore the religious nonsense.  I most definitely do not make any pretence of going along with it.  I am there to show respect for the couple or deceased, without any use for religion whatsoever.

[meatwagon]

the only reason i'd sit out a holiday gathering is because i'm not close with my family and don't get along with those i do know better.  i enjoy traditions and festivities for their own sake.  that said, i'd prefer my holiday observances to be secular.  there's a lot more to celebrate during "the season" than tacked-on religious belief.