Look me in the eye, for Pete's sake!!

[Biscuit_Stix]

So, is it just me, or do men not like eye contact with other men? I've always been a pretty 'eye-contact heavy' person. (Mother taught me it was respectful to always look someone in the eye when you're talking to them.) I have no problem maintaining eye contact with women. They're totally cool with it and respond well to it. But trying to keep eye contact with other men is like herding cats! I would have to start grabbing faces if I wanted some eye-to-eye!

What is causing this? Is it just another 'guy' thing I haven't picked up on? Is it uncommon for men to look other men in the eye for a conversation? I've seen a few guys get a bit uncomfortable, do the dodgy eye thing where they look everywhere but right at me. I don't have a problem with older gents (50 and up), they seem comfortable and polite. But the 28-45ish range get all shifty and uncomfortable. And the 25-somethings try and stare me down! And when they can't they get all huffy Did I miss a memo? Should I quit? Am I involving myself in a weiner size contest unwittingly or something? I'm not trying to intimidate, I'm just being polite!

[JessicaH]

Most guys don't have a problem. My guess is there is something about you that is making them feel uneasy that they don't want to address or the context of the situation does not warrant that they give you enough attention to even look at you. It's really hard to tell.

[Biscuit_Stix]

I guess I should specify, this is mostly at work. I work retail at an auto-parts store, where I have to interact with lots and lots of (mostly) clueless men... Maybe it's because they don't want me to know they can't tell the difference between a brake rotor and an ignition rotor? ;>.<

[JessicaH]

Well, I'd have to ask about your presentation. Are you perceived by others as a guy and are you perceived as a masculine and hetero male? Sorry for the blunt questions but it's important to your question.

[Kevin Peña]

I would say it's because they don't know you, or because they feel inadequate when admitting that they know nothing about cars (guys are sometimes shamed when they don't). 

I can say that from experience. I ride a bike for crying out loud! 

[DriftingCrow]

Living as female right now... don't have any problem with guys of all ages looking me in the eyes. I agree with Jess, they're probably uncomfortable about something. If they read you as female, they might feel unmanly seeking advice on cars that stereotypically they should know all about and you shouldn't.

But, I can look you square in the eyes and say "what's the difference?" 

[Biscuit_Stix]

Definitely hetero male and masculine, but I am fairly small. Not short, just skinny haha! I don't have terribly feminine features, I know I have a touch still, but I'm never ma'am'ed in person or on the phone. I'm not loud or aggressive, I'm pretty laid-back.

[Simon]

I've always found looking deep into another man's eyes kinda strange. Usually when I talk to another guy we're standing beside of each other and not face to face. If I have to be face to face I look at the bridge of the nose. Yet with a female I'm the exact opposite. Don't know why...that's just how it is.

[JessicaH]

If you are are perceived as female, there is a good chance that the guy is in a hurry and is annoyed that he got stuck with the "girl" at the auto parts counter. In my life of pretending to be a guy, I have been in many part stores for many parts and found the 9 out of 10 times the females behind the counter had to get one of the guys involved if I had a question.

It's not fair to YOU but most guys that are in and out of part stores  will have that view. On the flip-side, it doesn't take long to realize that someone is competent and the guys will respect you if you know as much as the other guys in the shop. 

[Siobhan]

Guys don't stare into each others eyes, its like a challenge or something. In fact staring into a guys eyes is a good way to get into a fight.

[Cindy]

Not sure about this but in my experience woman to woman and men to woman tend to look into each others eyes. Guys tend to drift around, otherwise it is getting personal and intense. Just look at boxers and cage fighters.

Never ever make eye contact on the street, that is asking for something

[GentlemanRDP]

I feel like on average, men do eye contact less than women, depending on the setting.
For me, it feels like in casual settings, they'll just like casually glance away,
But in bussinessy settings....any kind of store they'll just "O_____O" STARE AT YOU...
'Course....this could be due to my limited interaction with men.
I'm not sure.
But people are people, and people are strange.
I know it goes against how you were raised, but if you feel like you're making someone uncomfortable,
Just lighten up on the eye to eye a little?

[Cindy]

OH yes business is business. Different place different rules. Totally.

[chuck]

scientific studies show that women use eye contact more than men. So it migght be uncomfortable for him. Also, looking directly into someone's eyes for more that 10 seconds is often disconcerting. I think the way you are percieved is also important here.
If you are percieved as female, he might think youre interested
if youre perceived as a gay male, he might think you are interested and be irritated by it
if you are percieved as a straight male, he might think he has something dangling from his nose or teeth.

Lastly, he might just not be interested in the conversation, or maybe he feels like you are trying to make him feel stupid?

[Natkat]

i'm like upposite I don't really look people in the eyes, I generally prefern not to. I do it at times but it manly just to seam "polite" as some people gets annoyed if you don't.

Eye contact is pretty wierd, for some cultures/places, its obvious you MUST look people in the eyes and its rude/abnormal not to do that, at other places it can be rude/threatning to look people in the eyes.
--
I was raised that I should look people more in the eyes, My mom have commented on me that she been annoyed if I look away and speak to her, also I learn that its "less normal" and seams rude, so for meeting and such things I tend to keep eye contact once in a while.

When I at the buss its opposite. looking at others in the eyes is generally considered rude, and if you catch the glimse of a stranger you or the person will generally look away very fast, yet there is a hook up sign if a stranger can look at each other for 10 min and smile then there interest.

at my old school we also had alot of imigrents from lithuania, and by there culture your never to look people in the eyes or smile to people you dont know. if you smile to a stranger your making a fool out of yourself and if you look at someone then your asking for trouble.

theres really a ton of diffrent ways. I think eyes are very sensetive, the reason I dont like to look people in the eyes is because I mainly feel it to be pretty personal, like i get to know people too well or they get to know me too well. I also dont want to send out the wrong kinds of signals.
---
I have no idea where your from or how you look, but maybe you can see around what kind of eye contact people generally do in your area, what types of people you are having in, and ask a couple of people how you look.
I think its more or less imposible to get a usefull answer from the internet on how a person look at another one.

[Simon]

Reading all of these comments leads me to believe that we are nothing more than highly intelligent animals. We still have animalistic traits. Big cats, wolves, etc don't stare into each others eyes for the same reason (it is perceived as a threat).

Next time Biscuit_Stix just stare and growl. Let us know how that goes, lol. 

[Kevin Peña]

Simon, from a purely biological definition, humans are animals. As for intelligent... that's a completely different question.

[Simon]

Simon, from a purely biological definition, humans are animals. As for intelligent... that's a completely different question.

That was a statement of intelligence and not posed as a question...so speak for yourself, Diana. 

[Kevin Peña]

It's a figure of speech. Maybe you should look me in the eye before making sarcastic, caustic remarks. 

(Sorry, I couldn't resist)

[Stephe]

I tried to explain this before but got roasted for saying it but here it is again.

Guys do not look at other guys in the eyes. They might glance and nod but direct eye contact is mainly reserved for talking to women. Hetero guys see this as another guy coming onto them ot being agressive. If you try to make eye contact with guys walking down the street (as a guy) it will seem to most of them weird behavior. Women on the other hand do make eye contact with other women and smile. They make eye contact when taking to other women as well. And as another poster said direct eye contact between guys is an animal type thing to show aggression or you are very serious. When I was living as a guy, the only time guys would do this was when they were REALLY pissed off and were generally yelling at me while they did it.