Stoked...and stuck.

[Liminal Stranger]

Now that I've gotten over a bit of a stumbling block where I was doubting myself and whether this was really the right thing, a larger one stands in my way.

I really would like to come out to my classmates (and maybe even teachers). Really, I would. Just having a space of hours in the day where I could be known as me would be so beneficial. But I go in almost daily, determined to come out and say it to my friends at least, and instantly I lose my nerve and the blood drains from my face. Probably a lot worse because of the negative reaction from my mother, who had made a promise that I could talk to her about anything. That one fell through >.>

So how do you find the courage to say it when you're choking up with a racing heart and sweaty palms and the whole jazz?

[Cindy]

Hi Hon,

It isn't something to rush and when the time comes it comes naturally. There are a few things about coming out that are very important to appreciate. One you are out, there is no going back in. So you have to be ready to mature into the you that you wish to be.

Now you may feel that it is right now, but your fear and hesitancy would belay that. You have fear (naturally) because you are not yet ready for the consequences.

There is also no reason to rush. You can get counselling and treatment and dress as yourself and get 'comfy' in your skin before you come out to everyone. You may want to slowly come out as your appearance changes, it is your right to follow your path as you wish.

As we often say there is no race. The journey is a long one and takes time. You take steps as you are comfortable with them.

So don't feel under pressure to 'out' yourself. Enjoy your transformation and embrace the feelings and the successes and ponder the next step. That way you will be successful and not feel as if you have made a mistake, if you feel you have taken a step too far take one back. You can do that.

But once you are out, you cannot.

And remember we are here to help.

Hugs

Cindy

[Arch]

This is a good question. I came out in my grad school personal statement, so I was already out (until I went back into the closet). But something tells me that writing it down wouldn't work well in this case!

I usually practice stuff like this at home. Play acting, basically. I develop a patter, I anticipate people's questions and reactions, and I get comfortable with what I'm talking about. This makes me feel prepared and reduces my anxiety. Practice, my boy, practice.

[Liminal Stranger]

Thanks for the replies. I know I shouldn't be in a rush, but I kind of feel this pressure to make up for lost time 
Not sure when exactly I can begin with bigger things, but I'm trying to start with the small stuff as best as I can in a non-supportive household. The upcoming concert in my school has a split dress code for boys and girls (supposedly it looks more professional), and so far it seems like my conductor is more than willing to let me go with the suit and slacks option 

You're both right- it takes patience and time. I have serious trust issues to work out that are hindering me, which requires a therapist, but my family is being a bit delayed on that (was supposed to go over Christmas break). I hear that once the ball gets going, it really does pick up speed, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that things will start moving ahead soon.

[Cindy]

It's normal to be in a rush but try and take it steady, particularly if you are still dependent on family. They sometimes react better if broken in slowly.

Then again sometimes that doesn't work either. So keep your options open. 

The suit idea sounds excellent.