I hate this

[Wild Flower]

I am dealing with internal issues. I know I am a transgender woman, but I feel like I can't transition. The biggest thing that is holding me back is my family, and I wish I could either be normal or just change without guilt. I feel very ashamed of this and downright embarrassed.

I don't know. I kind of wish I could just forget my family, but that would be selfish, since my mom loves me a lot (at least the person I seem to be).

[Shawn Sunshine]

I have the same issues, how will my family take it, but i learned it is not selfish as long as you tell them with tact and be kind and honorable when you tell them.

If some of your family rejects you (which is my fear too) then you have to think of it terms like this. Who is being more selfish, if your family won't love you and accept you unconditionally, in my mind that resembles a form of neglect and emotional abuse.

[hazel]

In much the same place, I think I might be able to tell a friend soon, but the thought of admitting this out loud to my family just kills me. I made a post about it, coming out that is, a couple of days ago and got some good advice over there, might be useful to you https://www.susans.org/forums/index.php/topic,133183.0.html

[JoanneB]

I am pretty much in the same boat. I know, or really feel, there is no way in this lifetime I can transition. I got a good a 30+ years invested with a woman I love dearly. Though she knew of my gender issue from day one, I felt I was over it for teh most part. Just the ocasional cros-dressing was all i needed. I was able to deal with life serving me a few s^%$! sandwhiches during those years the last serving was a whopper.

Dealing with that led me to looking back back at my life and how I handled my trans issues. So I decided to figure out the trans stuff, the root cause of most of the crap in my life. Finding a TG group, seeing a therapist helped tons. Iwas lucky to once again be afforded the opportunity to life part-time as a femal. This time, after a lot of self help, fairly sucessfully.

All which ultimately made my life more miserable

I have a V-E-R-Y long list of have-to's and responsibilities I agreed to. I am honor bound as well as morally bound to live up to. Decisions I make do not only affect me. Twice in my 20's I experimented, twice I opted for "normal". THat was the understanding my wife and I entered a partnership under.


You would think her knowing and being sympathetic would make things easier. It doesn't. Every wife and family must deal with the same crap. In time I know many of the responsibilities I can discharge. Yet my wife's words alwas haunt me"Who in their right mind mind wants to be a 56v y/o woman. In 5-10 more years the answer becomes even more absurd 

[suzifrommd]

Yet my wife's words alwas haunt me"Who in their right mind mind wants to be a 56v y/o woman. In 5-10 more years the answer becomes even more absurd 

Might be a moot point. You may already BE a 56 yr-old woman.

I know an 83-year old woman who transitioned in her late 70s. She tells everyone these were the best years of her life and her only regret is not doing it sooner.

I'm not trying to make light of your dilemma. I face the same issues, and the decision (if that's what it is) is not easy.

[spacial]

, but I feel like I can't transition. The biggest thing that is holding me back is my family, and I wish I could either be normal or just change without guilt. I feel very ashamed of this and downright embarrassed.

I don't know. I kind of wish I could just forget my family, but that would be selfish, since my mom loves me a lot (at least the person I seem to be).

You won't change others. That's a lost cause.

Perhaps you should ask yourself, how much do you absolutely have to deal with, in yourself, to be happy and comfortable?

It isn't all or nothing. It's what you need.

[ZoeM]

It may be naive, but I feel like you have to trust those close to you to respond well - or at least graciously. I don't know how my family will react (years down the line, surely), and I doubt they'll be pleased, but I'm committed to not living in fear of what they may say, and hoping for the best.

So, unless you have a reason to think otherwise, I'd say have faith in those who care about you. Maybe keep a taser in your pocket, though, just in case.