Mother's Day - Well Hey, Friends, Mom Asked me not to Come Over.

[littlegreenfly]

Rhonda,

Don't you love how we've figured your life out for you....   

[gothique11]

*hugs*  That really sucks, Rhonda. I know how that is, I have family like that, too. Not only that, but a sister-in-law who has actively trying to pull apart the family because she hates me that much. She's very, very transphobic and wants everyone to join in on it.

I had a dream the other night -- that I made out death certificates for all of the family members who wrote me off. I then took those death certificates and sent them to those family members  along with a letter explaining that I'm just returning the favour so they could see what it was like when someone wrote them off. After that dream I've been considering doing it, actually.

[Chrissyts41]

Rhonda,
What fun!  I'm in the same boat to some degree, but at least your family actually SPOKE to you.  Mine didn't even bother to call and invite me to see my mom.  She suffers from Alzheimers and my dad is a bigot, so I'm not welcome there anymore.  Last time I called, all I got was a barrage of four letter words demanding that I explain what I am "doing" to myself.  Hysterical, yes.  Funny, no.  Sad, definitely.
Christina

[rhonda13000]

I see your point. However, there are many ways she could have done, without the weight being put on her mom, which I think was her heart.  Perhaps in future it could be something like:

I understand mom, you're in a difficult position. I love you, and Mother's Day is about you... so, though I'm sad I won't get to see you on such a special day, I will honor your request.

That way no fibbing is involved, no one else is getting socked, and the drama is kept to a minimum.  This all assumes that Rhonda didn't want to put this on mom... at least for that day.

Just some further thoughts...LGF

She will indeed face this 'dilemma' in the not-so-distant future. It's inevitable.

You do indeed raise a valid point and actually, I wish that I had stated the case as you suggested, but what can I tell you, LGF? I was stunned by what she said.

I needed to generate a response quickly and therefore said what I said.

What the hell, LGF??  That dear woman has been there for me during some of the worst times of my life. She nursed me back to health, after the motorcycle accident in 1985.

My GOD, I love her!! 

Even so, I wish that I had stated it as you suggested. But the time will come and soon.

In a sense, the breast augmentation will amplify the issue, but do you know what? This isn't my problem.

It's theirs.

I never asked to be born TS and do you know what I thought of shortly after that, relative to my brother?

Understand that in no way do I wish for this, but wouldn't it be something if one of 'Joe's' children turned out to be TS, as well?

How will 'Joe' explain to his children why I am no longer a part of their lives, anymore?

What do you suppose that 'Joe' will do if he encounters another TS woman or man, in the course of his job, which carries him all over the country?

He thinks [probably] that he can 'bury his head in the sand' relative to the subject of TS and blithely continue on in his life, but the strategy seems doomed from the outset, and possibly with very traumatic effect.

But not for me, nor will I be the 'cause' of any of it.

I have no sympathy nor respect for him. I offered to give him educational material relative to TS - and he refused to avail himself of any of it. That's not how I would have dealt with the situation, had our roles been reversed.

I would have seen that love demanded that I try to understand what a blood relative was having to endure and was being tortured by - and he did not.

That is inexcusable and appalling, both from the standpoint of love and intellectually.

He has no honor, neither does he have any respect from me anymore.

I will acquire a copy of "True Selves" for Mom, next week. She will read it and after having done so, it may well radically alter her own response to my brothers' rejection of me.

[littlegreenfly]

Rhonda,

I certainly understand being blindsided... and your response was amazingly kind to your mom.  We all know how the game "should" have been played after it's over.  Unfortunately, you may need to practice/rehearse answers to folks because it's almost guaranteed there will be more slams coming your way.

A pastor I love and respect once taught, "My response is my responsability."  You cannot control what folks throw your way but, as you already so graciously did, you can control how you react.  Life often stinks... it's what we do with it that can bring about roses....  You know, the ole "if life gives you lemons, make lemonade" deal.

I think you made pretty decent lemonade.   

LGF

PS: Try to forgive your brother... it does far more harm to your peace and well being to hang onto than it does to him.  Why give him the satisfaction of bitterness growing in your life?

[rhonda13000]

Rhonda,

I certainly understand being blindsided... and your response was amazingly kind to your mom.  We all know how the game "should" have been played after it's over.  Unfortunately, you may need to practice/rehearse answers to folks because it's almost guaranteed there will be more slams coming your way.

A pastor I love and respect once taught, "My response is my responsability."  You cannot control what folks throw your way but, as you already so graciously did, you can control how you react.  Life often stinks... it's what we do with it that can bring about roses....  You know, the ole "if life gives you lemons, make lemonade" deal.

I think you made pretty decent lemonade.   

LGF

PS: Try to forgive your brother... it does far more harm to your peace and well being to hang onto than it does to him.  Why give him the satisfaction of bitterness growing in your life?

A woman of wisdom indeed, you are. 

This is quite true and it is not acceptable before God that I cherish bitterness and antipathy in my heart.

In fact, on that same day, I had called Mom back and asked her to,

"Just tell 'Joe' that I love him."

The statement was somewhat forced, but more because of the hurt that I felt in contradistinction to actual anger and bitterness.

What I have stated above as to things that may well indeed transpire in 'Joe's' life, were 'meanderings of mind', upon what could well actually happen.

They were not wishes for...'evils' to be beset upon him.

Hate and bitterness...are far more destructive to the bearer, than to the recipient.