I need some advice about getting on T

[LilRingo]

Hi. So this Christmas, my mom and sister visited me in California. She doesn't support my transition at all. So the day before she left to go back east, she tried to make me promise to wait one year to go on Testosterone. I absolutely cannot wait that long to be on hormones. But I said "Okay," so as to avoid an argument on the last day of her being here. I tried to tell myself to wait a little longer to get on hormones, like the next three months. I tried to say that I would start just before my birthday in early june/late may. But now I don't think I can wait that long. I can get my testosterone letter, prescription and the physical vials of testosterone for free. That fact is tempting me so much. I've been waiting so long for testosterone, I don't know if its bearable anymore.

I've been out to myself for nearly two years now, and I've been presenting as male for nearly 5 months, and have been passing regularly for all 5 of those months. I feel like even though I pass pre-t, which is really nice i might add, I still need hormones for my mental health, and for the better bodily changes that will be coming (specifically fat redistribution. My fat is located in my hips, thighs and butt.). I don't know what to do, or how long to wait. I don't know if I should get it as soon as possible, which is what I would really like, or wait until June, which is the latest I think I can wait. Or maybe somewhere in between.

[Simon]

If you want it so bad why are you hesitant? Is it fears you have about transition or does it have to do with your mom? If it is about your mom I'd go ahead and do it. She's going to have to get over it eventually. If it is fears you have then I would suggest talking to a therapist or working through those feelings yourself.

It is always going to be a little scary. Any big change in your life will be scary and this change is huge. Instead of dwelling on fears just think of the happiness you will have. If you can't imagine that happiness I'd hold off. If the thought of obtaining that happiness excites you then I'd move forward.

[Jeatyn]

I personally would not let somebody elses hangups stop me from moving forward.

Can I ask if you know why she's asking you to wait? I don't see what difference it makes either way, she'll have to get used to it eventually. Maybe she's hoping you'll change your mind during that time - for all you know she could tack on an extra couple of months or a year on to the time if you did wait a year and it could go on in an endless loop.

[LilRingo]

If you want it so bad why are you hesitant? Is it fears you have about transition or does it have to do with your mom?

It is entirely my mom. She said that if I begin hormones, she will refuse to see me, and I don't want to lose her, or my sister.

Can I ask if you know why she's asking you to wait?

I think it is 90% that she thinks it is a phase and that I will change my mind. The other 10% is probably that she is scared.

[Simon]

It is entirely my mom. She said that if I begin hormones, she will refuse to see me, and I don't want to lose her, or my sister.

You think the scare tactics she is using will ever change? She is going to control you for as long as you allow it. You're not dependent on her financially (are you?). If not I say move forward. She is going to be angry and go through the grief process eventually so might as well get it over with.

[Jeatyn]

Sounds like my suspicions were right...if she says she will disown you if you start hormones then waiting a year is just going to prolong the inevitable. She is just hoping you'll change your mind.

[AdamMLP]

If you wait she might just turn around and say that you survived so long without them it's clearly not something you're serious about or is important to you, backing up her theory that it is just a silly phase or something.  Or she might ask you to wait even longer, and that's just ridiculous.  I can't see her suddenly accepting hormones just because you're a year older.

If you don't wait then she might disown you.  Or she might finally realise that you're serious, and you're desperate enough to risk your family for what you need to be comfortable.

[Chaos]

Loss is something most of us face and those who dont are very lucky.My mother disowned me because she told me the same thing and i even tried putting it off and did until i couldnt stand it anymore.When she realized it wasnt going anywhere and it wasnt just a phase,she bluntly told me she didnt know me and blocked me off for good,i havent heard from her since and that was over a month ago.It all boils down to *do i push forward to become my true self or do i live in this fake mold to make others happy?* good luck to you.

[GnomeKid]

Honestly I'd just go for it.  If you know you want it than do it.  Your mom is going to have to come to terms with it eventually, and if she isn't going to accept it putting your life on hold for another year isn't fair to you and the wait isn't going to change her mind -- she's just hoping it may change yours.  Next christmas she'll be asking you the same thing again. 

[chuck]

Interesting.

My brother wanted me to wait to have my phallo. I couldn't afford it at the time so i was like "lol sure" . I have no idea how waiting made a difference to him, i wonder if he thought i was going to change my mind.

Anyway here are some things:

1. If your mom promised to disown you, prepare yourself for that. Run through your emotions in you head and make a plan on how to deal with it.

2. It is very manipulative of her to ask you to wait a year. She would probably just use it against you later.

3. Once you start taking testoterone you will probably be so pleased with the results that you will not at all what your mother thinks.

4. You could do something in between, like start testosterone on a low dose so that your mom wouldn't really noitice until a few months down the road.

[Adam (birkin)]

Something to consider is that they can stay in denial for quite some time. I've had noticeable facial and voice changes on T, but I have family who just write it off as a cold/facial weight gain. So a few months...she may not notice, or she will try to deny it because she doesn't want to believe it.

[crickle7488]

I have not really talked to my mom regarding T....I want to start but need help and who I need to contact and talk to to start T...I live in Denver Colorado and I have gone to so many sites that just did not help me in anyway.  I am hopeing this site will answer most or all my questions because I am getting very frustrated on what to do..