Where to now?

[Kaynetokaty]

Hi my name is Kayne, I am a mtf individual.
I am young
Recently i came out to my father as transgendered
He does not support my transition at all.
He wont buy me more femenin clothing he has actually tried to make it mor masculine, he wont help me get makeup or help with hair removal.
I earn no money at all and he is against me getting a part time job whilst i finish my schooling.

What can i do :/?

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi Kayne,

Unfortunately, as it appears you are under the supervision of your father, legally, his rules apply. At your age, you may be deemed a minor and have even less recourse, unless his behaviour becomes criminal by way of assault, maltreatment etc.

Depending on your State/Territory laws governing minors, may also impact on your ability to move out of home. So you are legally required to be under adult supervision until you are legally responsible for your own care and welfare.

Some recourse you may have could be through your school counsellor discussing the matter with your father. A relative doing the same.

Just remember, a parent or legal guardian is not required or expected to carry out the wishes of a minor or an offspring living under their care. They are required however to ensure due diligence of their health and wellbeing, which can be interpreted as your dysphoria causing you distress adequate enough to impact on your wellbeing. But that has to be professionally established.

I hope your father is able to understand the complexity of this matter.

Be safe, well and happy.
Lotsa huggs
Catherine

[V M]

Hi Kayne 

Welcome to Susan's  Glad to have you here, parents can be rather difficult

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Hugs

V M

[suzifrommd]

Kayne, you're in a difficult situation. Give yourself credit for bearing up under stressful circumstances. I'll give you a couple suggestions, though since I don't know you or your father, it'll be up to you to decide whether they work.

1. Unfortunately it falls to transgender people to educate the people around us about what transgender means. It can be done - most people can be educated. The trick is often to repeat a simple message frequently to let people think about it. Here are some things to remind your father and other possible allies:

* We didn't choose to be transgender.

* It normally doesn't go away on its own. It is treatable, but the only known treatment is for the transgender person to live as their true gender.

* Transgender is serious. Depression and suicide are common among people who ignore it.

* Transgender people do better when the people around them understand and support them.

Keep at it. Your father may be resistant to these facts initially because they don't match the way he's been taught to see the world. But people can change their world view.

2. Try to find another adult you think will understand. Is there a gay/straight alliance at your school? Is there a PFLAG chapter in your area? LGBT organizations? The more allies you have, the better. You'll meet a lot of people who don't accept you as transgendered. Don't let this get you down. There are also a lot of people who will be there for you. But you need to find them.

Good luck Kayne. Please keep posting here. We're here for you whenever you need us.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Hi Kayne,

Welcome to our little family. Over 9590  strong. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another sister.

Unfortunately as long as you are dependent on your father for shelter, food and clothing, you are pretty much stuck.  So saying that finish school, get a job or go to college, and move out on your own.  If Dad changes his mind, then you can begin now.


Janet 

[Cindy]

Hi Kayne,

I'm Cindy and I'm in Adelaide.

I'm a full time MtF and very happy and very content. There are several girls in Adelaide who are members at Sue's and we meet up regularly, well every now and again. There is a very active TG society in Adelaide and there is a lot of help and support.

Obviously your age is a consideration but you need to discuss stuff with your family Doctor (GP) ?  You should tell your Doctor than you are transgendered and need help through the South Australian Gender Dysphoria Unit. You need to tell your Doctor of the family situation.

If you don't have a regular Doctor any of the GP centres etc should provide the same help.

You are not ill.

You are normal.

You are strong and you are a fine human being.

I will email you so that you have a contact for me.

You need not tell your Father why you need to see a Doctor, you can make up an excuse. At your age your Doctor patient confidentiality exists in South Australia and the Doctor cannot tell anything to your parent without your permission. This is enforceable by Law.

Cindy

[anya921]

Hi  Kayne,

You remind me of myself when I as young, But the only difference is I didn't came out to my family when I was young. But I wanted to transition so badly.
If you farther is the only person you can depend the best way is to postponed your transition till you finish your school. I know this is much much harder said than done, but I also know this is possible. Because I have done it.  once you finish your studies and started to work you can support your self and your transition. But for time being I think the best thing is to be patient. If you worried about getting masculine with puberty you can try to get help from a support group and may be you can ask their help to find a doctor to get T-blockers. I will write down the things I did and things I could have done better when I was in my teens when I wanted to transition.

1. If you think your farther won't understand what you going through, don't try to force things to happened
If you don't have anyone else to turn to just pretend that you have given up your idea, which makes him happy. You don't have to give up any thing but just be careful when he is around

2. What ever happened , focus on your studies.
This can be really difficult specially when you see pretty girls all around you having a good time. But you need to focus. If it helps try to keep your transition as your goal. Keep the dream of becoming a beautiful woman one day as you goal. It can be a good motivator. That was the only thing kept me on school 

3. try to get in touch with a supportgroup
This way you will have people around you who understands you and people who knows that being transgender is OK.

4. If you worried about getting masculine try to get T-blockers.
But if this is not something you can do don't get depressed over it. You can always be slim by having a proper diet and avoiding things that tend to build you muscles in a manly way.

5.Make at least couple of close good friends whom you can trust and talk to.
This way when you are feeling down you will always have some one to talk to. Keeping things to yourself can be very depressing and not healthy.

6. Make use of the web forums.
So you will know you are not alone and there are other people who face the same difficulties and there are others who have overcome those.  So you knows that there is always light at the end of the tunnel

7. Don't get addicted to social networking sites lol
This may not be directly related to you issue, but social networking sites can make you depressed, specially if you worried about the way you look and you feel like you are missing out the fun. The life people show in social networks are not the true life of many. They will always upload there best looking pictures and all the cool and fun things they did.  So Don't feel like you are the only one who is having a bad time just by looking in to your friends facebook pages.

I think that covers everything If you decided to wait few more years to transition.

Remember it's always good to be patient than ending up in a street or doing something stupid. 

And sweetie, try to cheer up, because you still have many many years ahead of you and it can only get better.


PS: I don't know these will help you or not, but this is what I did when I realized I could not transition till I get on my own feet and it helped. I am glad I was being patient and waited  to transition. Everything I am having today is because I waited for the right time.

Be safe and be Happy
Hugs
Anya