guys...

[RachelH]

If I were to date again, I already have my man picked out. And I know he isn't a Jerk or A-hole. In fact he's quite the opposite. Sweet, caring, funny and smart..... He's really awesome.

What you waiting for?!

[Adam (birkin)]

I read this thread yesterday but wasn't entirely sure what to say. I'm sorry that this happened to you. I've never dated guys, but I remember when I was young and believed I would have to. I was afraid of a guy pressuring me into something I wouldn't want to do, never mind having someone push himself on me. And the fact that I'd never been with a guy made the prospect even more scary, not that it isn't horrible when it happens to anyone.

I think what others have said about not having experience (as opposed to your girl friends) has some truth, but I'd like to add that sometimes you can just never know. It is NOT your fault for being inexperienced with dating, it's entirely on the guy who felt like he deserved to push himself on you without checking your comfort level and readiness.

You deserve much better and I hope you don't have to go through that again to find someone, male or female, who treats you with the respect that you deserve.

[MeghanAndrews]

Tristan, we'll be here for you when you need it

[Nero]

One thing my own experience living pre-transition didn't prepare me for and this applies to almost all of us I would imagine, is that we CAN'T base our experience with guys on our own experience with girls or guys pre-transition.

This is actually really insightful. I think I may judge guys (at least in a romantic or sexual context) harshly based upon my own behavior - which was admittedly pretty awful. I believe all guys are like me even if they're the opposite. Like I'm totally suspicious of sweet, gentle guys. Or maybe I am right - and they are what I'm thinking?

EDIT: Oh I should add that I'm not a jerk with women. Only other guys.

[Keaira]

What you waiting for?!

I don't want to ruin his life. and he deserves someone so much better than I.

[Kevin Peña]

I don't want to ruin his life. and he deserves someone so much better than I.

*Smack*

Girl, hush! Drop that self-deprecating gig and go for it! 

[Nero]

I don't want to ruin his life. and he deserves someone so much better than I.

*Smack*

Girl, hush! Drop that self-deprecating gig and go for it! 

That's what I'm saying! If the banter back and forth on this board is any indication, you best snatch that up girl!

[Keaira]

lol. Thanks guys and girls. But he really does deserve a girl who loves him just as much as I do, right now, with Jannie gone, I'm in a bad place.

[DeeperThanSwords]

thank you. Im going to try again at some point but right now im just to scared about what could happen.

That's understandable. Take care of yourself, dear.

[Heather]

yeah i am listening to my girlfriends from now on. he text me last night just after midnight while he was at a bar with another girl. i told him i didnt want to see him anymore. he started calling me a slut and saying i deserved what i got for coming over to his place. so yeah...lesson learned. thank goodness for friends and hypnotic and other drinks. he was just bad news.

He called you a slut after not sleeping with him! Seriously!!!that word gets thrown around way too much theses days. Just cause you step in his house don't give him the right to put his hands all over you. I'm glad you stood your ground with this pig!!! I'm sorry you had to put up with this. They are a whole lot better men out there for you don't give up.

[Adam (birkin)]

Yeah, he is definitely scum. Sort of knew that beforehand but the phone call definitely confirms it. I feel sorry for the other girls he will encounter, I really do.

[Keaira]

Yeah, he is definitely scum. Sort of knew that beforehand but the phone call definitely confirms it. I feel sorry for the other girls he will encounter, I really do.

Definitely. My Mum had problems with scum guys after she got divorced. She still hasn't remarried. But I remember one boyfriend broke into our house after an argument. he smashed in our front door. I tried to call the cops but he violently tried to stop me. I wont go into details but he lost and has a long scar on his forearm and on his side to remind him to never even try to hit a lady.

[Nero]

Yeah, he is definitely scum. Sort of knew that beforehand but the phone call definitely confirms it. I feel sorry for the other girls he will encounter, I really do.

Definitely. My Mum had problems with scum guys after she got divorced. She still hasn't remarried. But I remember one boyfriend broke into our house after an argument. he smashed in our front door. I tried to call the cops but he violently tried to stop me. I wont go into details but he lost and has a long scar on his forearm and on his side to remind him to never even try to hit a lady.

Go Keaira! I was fiercely protective of my mom after her divorce too. Thank god no one ever tried to lay a hand on her.

[DeeperThanSwords]

its ok. i will find a good fella at some point. happy thoughts. my sorority sisters really helped me through this. sucks that stuff like this can hurt you.

I'm glad you had people around you to help. Although it hurts when someone betrays your trust, you are stronger than you know. You are more than your suffering, you can overcome. However, this may be a good opportunity to get more confident and settled in yourself, without referring to someone else.

Big hugs, sister. xx

[Janae]

Wow Tristan

I wish I could have talked to you before this went down. It is overwhelming dealing with guys, especially in your case not having much experience.  One thing I learned while I was like 16 is that you have to be very assertive with certain guys upfront. Some are pigs and you have to check them before they get a chance to disrespect you. It's better to perceived as somewhat of a b*tch than a easy target. But yea going over their house without rules being set prior is a no no. I'd say to just feel your way around next time. Talk to them and try to get a sense of what their intentions are.

[DeeperThanSwords]

yeah im not doing that anymore. it has made me come out of my shell some though. since that happened i have had some guys ask me out and i have 5 dates set up. im going to make sure im in charge when it comes to whats ok with kissing and sex an stuff. i think i may have figured some of this stuff out now

I hope your future dates treat you way better, sweetie.