These days, I'm having difficulty taking refuge in the sangha because my ex-wife is part of the sangha that I sit zazen with.
Zazen was very difficult this evening. I could not clear or still my mind, and I almost left the zendo in tears. I held it together during the sitting and walking meditations. But, damn, it was really tough.
I don't want to find another sangha. I like this one. I guess that's attachment to preference, and I will be taking with my teacher in practice discussion about this. But, I don't know when that will happen yet and I just wanted to get this off my chest.