best friend moving

[spring0721]

I am so distraught & depressed which is NOT normal for me.  My best friend transitioned (mtf) last year then got laid off of her job & moved in with my son & I.  We have been best friends since infancy and during high school she moved in with my family; we then were roommates in college together.  After graduating she started a job an hour away but we still saw each other a couple times a week. 

My friend just got a job offer 6 hours away, she is ecstatic, and I'm so happy for her because this will be a completely new start, she can start in a position and place without anyone knowing of her transition etc.  The problem, well it's MY problem is, well we've never been away from each other, as in 3 or 4 days max.  Growing up our families vacationed together, we've travelled all over the world together.  She's been there through my divorce and helping me raise my 4 year old.  I seriously am so upset I can't sleep, eat, and I'm having SO much anxiety I'm literally throwing up.I am just not like this as a person and I definitely don't like feeling depressed when all I want to do and should be doing is celebrating with her..I don't know if I can function on a daily basis without her.  She literally is like my sibling and only best friend I have.  I don't think I've EVER in my life made a decision without her.
She told me that we should just come with her, and I don't know if that's a good idea.  I really want to because I hate the thought of this huge change, but I'm conflicted.  Am I depending on her to much? If I were to move, now would be the time since my son hasn't started school yet.  Another part of me is also really scared that she'll move and this sounds ridiculous, but find a new best friend and I'll become obsolete.  I don't really know what to do.

[spacial]

Can I suggest you take a deep breath and let her go?

I understand your fears but that could happen anyway.

But telephones and Skype are quite amazing.

I'm sorry, I'm not unsympathetic. But I think I'm saying what you know already.

[spring0721]

Spacial, thanks for the reply & of course you're right I just know it's hard like the whole out of sight out of mind type of thing.  I just don't want to lose my best friend & I know it's probably 'healthier' to make our own paths.  It's just hard & I'm upset right now but I'm sure day by day I'll get used to it.  Thanks for your words!

[EmiB]

It can be really hard when a good friend moves away. My best friend and I live far away from each other and it is rough sometimes. But we are still really close and I don't think you need to worry about "loosing" this friend or being "replaced". It sounds like you have been there for this friend in many ways when she needed you most, so your friend is not going to "drop" you once she moves. What helps me when I have to say goodbye to someone I love is we plan out when we will see each other again before that person moves. That way you know when you will see each other again and that this goodbye is not "forever"! Try to relax and know that this person cares about you and that is not going to change! You can do it and hugs!  

[spring0721]

Emi, thank you...yeah we had a good cry together, but it really is going to be a great opportunity for her! I love this idea, and now that you've brought it to my attention I'm going to make sure we make plans to see each other next BEFORE she leaves...that will make me feel much better.  Thanks for that and your kind words.  I think I was just freaking out a little bit since I won't see her on a daily basis.  But now I get to look forward to exploring a new city when I go to visit her.  I have a more positive outlook on this now...thank you!

[Jamie D]

Spring, considering your long relationship, as friends, and "virtual siblings," I can not help but wonder if your feeling don't run deeper than mere friendship.  It sounds by your reaction that there is a profound bond between the two of you.

[Joe.]

There's always been that saying 'if you love somebody, you have to let them go'. I think that this can apply to you here a bit. You'll be letting her go, but she'll still be there. You said yourself that it's a perfect opportunity for her. I know your pain though. Me and my best friend see or speak to each other every day and we're both going to be going to university soon and this will be really hard for us. Like Spacial said, there is always Skype and the phone. Your friendship sounds incredible, and her moving away won't change this. My mum's college friend moved away but when they talk it's like they have never parted. I've never met her as we are in the UK and she's in Australia but they still have such a close bond just by writing each other letters. She always sends money or a gift for mine and my brother's birthdays because she's so close with my mum and my mum does the same with her kids. What I'm trying to say is, no matter how far the distance, whether it be 6 hours away or the other side of the world, if your friendship is as strong as you say it is, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. You can always pick up the phone and chat and it will be a nice holiday for you and your son when you visit her. It will be hard at first, I'm not denying that, but you will get through it. She's going to make other friends, just as you will. Your friend obviously likes you, so you will meet many new people who will also like you. You're not going to be alone, and your friend won't forget you. The bond it sounds like you have is too hard to break. It will be ok. I wish you all the best.
Joey

[spring0721]

Spring, considering your long relationship, as friends, and "virtual siblings," I can not help but wonder if your feeling don't run deeper than mere friendship.  It sounds by your reaction that there is a profound bond between the two of you.

Jamie, thanks for the post...we do have an incredibly strong bond as neither of us grew up with any other siblings really except each other.  Our moms were best friends from high school and we grew up 1 street away from each other (always glued to each others side from day one.) I'm not sure if you mean like my feelings run deeper as in 'romantic' ?? Or maybe I am just confused as to what you mean by deeper....if you did mean romantic...uh a BIG NO there....I definitely ONLY have sibling type feelings toward her even before she began transitioning...that's never happened toward each other for either of us.  She's my sister.

[spring0721]

Thanks Joey!!  That's awesome about your moms friend, yeah I think it will be completely fine and 6 hrs isn't the other side of the world, you're right   I hate to even say this but I've never even attempted to skype!.....guess we'll be learning how this week!  Thanks again & happy new year

[spacial]

OK, here's a step by step way to connect to skype.

First, join Facebaook. Reason, you use it to log into Skype. You can do it without, but it's just easier. You don't need to post anything, just join. Facebook.com

Next, you need a web camera, one that plugs into your computer. If you don't have one you can pick them up cheap enough. Nothing fancy, just a basic web cam with microphone. Get USB so you can plug into your computer easily.

Next, Google Skype and download the file. Run it. It will present you with a load of screens, some have small boxes offering tool bars, (I think). If so, untick those. When it asks you to join or log in, join using your facebook account name.

Then it asks you for a Skype user name. About this time it also asks if you want to share your log in with anyone or just those you share details wth, Think this is Private setting. Choose this unless you want to be innundated with people asking you for money!!

Then is aks of you want a photo. Say no.

Then, tell your firends your skype user name.

That's all they is really.





OK, found this, really easy

[spring0721]

Spacial, wow, thank you SO much for giving me a step by step! Already have a facebook, and just went to bestbuy and got a webcam. You gave great details, so even someone who is semi technologically challenged. (Like me   ) will be able to do it! Thanks.

[Shantel]

Not a chance that you'll ever become obsolete as her lifelong friend, but as siblings often have to do you will have to live your own lives as completely independent individuals. It was such a breath of fresh air to have read this entire thread, because there aren't many women or men out there with such acceptance and loving hearts for others as you obviously have for your dear friend. I'm sure that you will see one another from time to time and that bond will remain unbroken. The meetings will no doubt be sweeter as time goes by. As the woman in the movie Avatar said, "I see you!" I can see your heart honey, and it's a beautiful thing!

[spring0721]

Not a chance that you'll ever become obsolete as her lifelong friend, but as siblings often have to do you will have to live your own lives as completely independent individuals. It was such a breath of fresh air to have read this entire thread, because there aren't many women or men out there with such acceptance and loving hearts for others as you obviously have for your dear friend. I'm sure that you will see one another from time to time and that bond will remain unbroken. The meetings will no doubt be sweeter as time goes by. As the woman in the movie Avatar said, "I see you!" I can see your heart honey, and it's a beautiful thing!

Oh, thank you so much Shan! That is such a sweet sentiment. It's been just over a week now, and I'm getting into a new routine without her here on a daily basis. Life does go on, we have the phone & I have met amazing friends on here too....you all help