Hello everyone. I know it's been a long time since I posted (or even visited) so I decided tonight to make a post to kind of update everyone on my status and to let them know that I'm still here, I'm ok, and I'm still transitioning. Or trying to.
I've had ups and downs with hormone levels and trying to get that straightened out. I've had to go off meds completely for three or more months at a time and start over. My prolactin kept going higher and higher, to the point it was nearly triple the norm. My depression hit hard, and for a long time I cut myself off from everyone and just stayed in my room and slept or played games. I'm kinda still doing that actually, to be perfectly honest, but I'm trying to break that cycle. I almost feel like I've completely forgotten how to be social.
My levels finally evened out, and my doctor added a progestin to my regimen. Boy what a difference that made. Within a few weeks to a month I saw sudden changes in weight and body fat distribution. My chest began to really fill out more, and things like skin texture and body hair improved. I've gone from size 4-6 jeans to size 8. I don't have to shave or epilate nearly as often any more.
The main problems are the biggest ones. I still haven't begun facial hair removal, and it costs so much here that I fear it will never happen. Not to mention any FFS, and I may as well forget ever getting the main surgery done. So I feel like I'm now stuck in between. Not really a man or a woman, and it feels like this will be my existence for the rest of my life. I feel ugly. I feel like giving up. Sometimes I just want to fall asleep and stay that way. I feel on the verge of tears every minute of every day.
Many of my friends and family members have cut me out of their lives and talk about me behind my back. Some are people that I never would have ever suspected that I would lose, but I have. I feel like time is just ticking away and I'm losing more and more of my chance to really live and enjoy post-transition, because right now it doesn't look like there will ever be a post-transition.
I didn't set out to write such a depressing post, but this the reality I live with, and have been for over a year now.
