Hey friends,
So like, sonavab*tch I'm having trouble re-naming myself. This is one aspect of transition that hasn't been in the foreground, but now that I'm getting some real traction it's kinda coming into the limelight (for instance, starting to pass especially around strangers, and feeling uncomfortable when they ask me what my name is -- I know, it's a perfect opportunity to try on new hats, as it were, but I always choke when the opportunity presents itself).
I've never come across a name that resonates with me particularly strongly, nor do I particularly detest my birth-name (Nathaniel), and as a kicker the name I go by (Nat) is passably gender-neutral, so in situations where I'm read as female it doesn't rock the boat too much to introduce myself as such. Flipside, however, is that in a crowded, noisy situation (like a bar lol duh) it can be a real chore to convey my name:
Stranger: "What's your name?"
Me: "I'm Nat!"
Stranger: "You're what?"
Me: "Nat!"
Stranger: "What!?"
Me: "(fortheloveofchrist) Nat, like short for Nathaniel!"
Stranger: "Oh."
And then I've gone and misgendered myself. Boo.
One legitimate option, in my mind, is to keep going by Nat. In which case I would change my legal first name to Natalie. Or maybe Nathalie. Cuz J'adore le francais. I like the name Nat, because I have never really met anyone else who goes by it. I appreciate having a unique-ish name.
A perceive a potential problem or difficulty, however, with being called the same name throughout my transition, specifically by my friends and family who have known me for a long time as a boy. In a way, I feel like I'm missing out on some sort of trans-barometer, in which I can tell that people are at least making an effort to take me seriously as a woman, by calling me by a new name. If I was "Nat" before, and I'm "Nat" now, it leaves me with this floaty feeling, like maybe I'm the same old person to them (in a bad, male-gendered, stupid something something way).
Enter new names. And me freaking out.
Maybe my approach is fundamentally flawed, but all these rules/guidlines have popped up in my mind that I feel compelled to follow:
My Brain:
"Pick a name that has three or four syllables, and that shortens to a one-or-two syllable nickname!"
"Pick a name that's definitely female, but shortens to a gender-neutral nickname!"
"Honor your mama and her mama by picking a "C" or "K" name! (Mom's name is Karen, Granny's name is Carrie/Catherine!"
"Pick a name that was near the popularity of Nathaniel in the year you were born!"
"Pick a name that doesn't sound stupid with your last name! Wait, change your last name to your mom's maiden name! or your mom's mom's maiden name! or no wait..."
And so on and so f*cking forth.
Anyways, I don't really know what to do here.
Included for your reading pleasure is a list of names I've looked up, in order of increasing obscurity/definitely not popular around when I was born. Feel free to point out ones you like, ones that have nickname choices, or just laugh at how ridiculous the list is:
Caitlin / Cait / Kate (I'm kinda a Gaelic freak, and love the letter C more than the letter K)
Catriona / Cat (lol Katrina / Kat but i liek thu lettur C lotsa much)
Virginia / Ginny / Gin
Penelope / Penny / Pen / Nell / Nelly (ugh never)
Coralyn / Cora
Carina / Cari / Carrie (liek mah gramma!)
Eleuthera (dude idunno wtf but it exists)
Persephone (cuz liek she awesome)
...and so on and so forth into the depths of Greek mythology. lollerskates.
Anyways, if you are reading this, thank you for braving my wall of text.
Your Friend,
Name Pending
or Nat
or something.
