Here's another one, rough version from my notebooks, er... how did you put it, Steph? "I left room for improvement", lots of room ...
Gender is present somewhere in the background, as in all my life, but the poem is mostly about fear and isolation.
***
NAKED on the bathroom floor
in the cup of my hands i hold
emptiness
below the surface
lives a monster in that quiet lake
the pain of having birthed this self
shivers in my bones
too small and so cold
on these blank tiles
no grip
my hand slips
damn these walls i built around me
nothing will give without
the muscle i was meant to have
i try to grab the monster in the mirror
glass flies and blood but it's still there
and this is not enough this is not ... -
but this is it
all i can do to
sit here and -
NO
i will not cry
i will not accept defeat
i know that one day
i will stand up
laugh at the mirror
smash the tiles
bring down the wall
and fill the blanks with colour
one day i will make it
to the other side
the emptiness, the monster in my quiet lake
the pain and all will be a memory
and i keep believing
in the day i will not hide
when I will walk on water
(c) unicorn 2005
