I've always had issues with sex, I just thought my anxieties and discomforts were "stupid" and "ridiculous" and pushed through them. I mean, it's absurd to have anxieties due to female body parts when you clearly feel you're effeminate, right..
So I've had long-term sexual relationships. Sometimes they've felt more like idol-worship, for me - I basically just imagined I had their body if they were male and ignored the rest.
My dysphoria isn't overwhelming since I obviously have been able to be intimate. I just experience a varying level of discomfort, alienation and dissociation. If someone obviously wants me to be a female, it has always felt wrong and I feel very mistreated and used. Therefore I'm kinda uncertain with intimacy.
Currently I'm feeling optimistic that as my identity becomes more certain, this area in my life will get easier, too.
