My Reflection And Myself

[veritasinchains]

I decided to reintroduce myself. Hi I am Claire. I am a (literally) pre-everything mtf transsexual. I believed for a while that I was just a closet crossdresser but after looking into my feelings and meeting the man I am now quite head over heals for I realized that my male side was just a shield much like my weight. To explain if you haven't seen any of my other posts or if I just plain forgot to say it. I have been seeing a psychologist and a psychiatrist for a while and it has helped immensely. One of the things my doctor explained is that I never dealt with issues like gender when I was younger by hiding. I would be as socially awkward as I could and I became morbidly obese in order to hide away from others and myself. But between the counselling/medication, diet, and my super awesome boyfriend I have looked at gender anew and realized that my male self is just a bad habit. I have noticed that once I let go of it the only time it came back was during the holidays when I wasn't sticking to my diet and exercise plans.

I have started to use my name in a few places and I refer to myself in the feminine most of the time. Some times I still use male pronouns out of habit. I am a cuddly girl and extremely affectionate. As a guy I was quiet and awkward. I am more happy than I can describe to finally know why I always looked wrong when I saw myself in the mirror. I know the journey is starting though I have a lot of work and hardship ahead. I am out to a lot of my family but I have been met with a wall as a the few I have told my new name to said they would never use it. And the only time my mother really got angry over it was when I informed her that my transition would include a legal change of name.

Well that is all I can think of for now.
p.s. my bf is a member here so I know he will read this... Hi oh dearest man of mine!

[Shantel]

Welcome Veritas, time to get unchained and join our big family!

[Noyemi K]

I went through something quite similar. I became a shut-in and I stopped talking to people because I was getting progressively more and more sick of pretending to be a boy when I absolutely knew I wasn't.

It's kind of cool to hear you're switching pronouns already. I wouldn't think of it right at this moment. Your confidence is surprising and really inspiring.

[veritasinchains]

So as it would appear my mother is a bigot... not full transphoic but enough to make it uncomfortable. I guess when I told her I was trans she thought of it like saying I am wearing a different shirt. I avoid talking about it now since she doesn't understand it and doesn't want to from what I can gather. She will never use the right pronouns with me and has even expressed hesitance to use them with my bf. He is FtM (sorry if you didn't want that said honey). She insists she is seeing it as one of his parents and calls my bf by female pronouns. I am almost surprised she doesn't use his birthname. That would be unforgivable. She is so bad that he doesn't want to come over to my house. I don't blame him. The worse part of that is she can't see the problem using feminine pronouns for him since he hasn't completed his legal transition. I have tried to come up with an analogy or something to say that would give her an idea of what it is like but nothing quite fits. I know for sure that now I will have to get my own place if I ever want to transition. I can't wait for that day. The day that I will be able to walk out of the door an go to work and indeed through my whole day as Claire. I have begun using my name more and more and my birth name is starting to sound more foreign. I have also started experimenting with makeup. I didn't quite get the eyeshadow right but I was told I did a decent job for my first try.