Quote from: FullThrottleMalehem on January 17, 2013, 11:02:11 PM
My biggest fear is changing completely on T, also the health risks such as stroke and heart attack. What if I don't like the person I am on T or some of the changes, which will be permanent? I know it's probably one of those least of my worries kind of thing, but another concern is the change in chest tissue. I can't afford to have top surgery and may never be able to, and I've heard the chest looks a lot different on T. I've heard a lot of people describe it as really unattractive, and I already have low self esteem when it comes to my body.
I had a few of the same concerns before I began HRT, so let's see if I can help with my perspective (9 months on T now).
Health risks - both my doctor and my endocrinologist said the majority of cardiovascular risks can be mitigated as long as you take care of yourself. If you're overweight (like I am, lol), you smoke, don't exercise, so on, you're at the same risk as a cis guy who engages in the same activities. You're not at some extraordinary risk for being on T but they are bumped up from your pre-T risk, if that makes sense.
How you feel about the person you are - I wondered for a time if my personality would change, but it really hasn't. The thing that has changed is how I feel and experience my emotions. As a few others have mentioned, I don't cry as much, so at first it was a bit of an adjustment to have emotions and be unsure of how to express/deal with them. But it came to me in time, I just tried to be aware of what was going on in my head and think of ways to handle the issue that would make me feel good. I know of a few people who eventually stopped taking T because they didn't like the emotional changes, and they missed experiencing emotions the way they did before, but I don't think most people feel their personality itself has changed. I am exactly the same person, just more comfortable.
Physical changes on T - the best thing to do is just research, research, research. Some people really don't like certain changes on T, like body hair, balding, weight gain, whatever. And for some it's enough to make them stop T. I think the best thing is just to inform yourself completely of what to expect and how you feel about it. So if you do start T, you're not going to be unpleasantly surprised and have regrets. Regret mainly comes from unfulfilled expectations, I find. I knew I'd have hair EVERYWHERE, and I thought I'd hate it (not enough to avoid or stop T), but when it came in I found I actually love it.
The chest - mine has only changed slightly, and I imagine it will change more...it gets softer, and they hang a bit more. It doesn't bother me because I hate my chest and would hate it even if they were "perfect." I also am not comfortable having others see it. Maybe with a trusted partner in passing but there will definitely be no touching of my chest happening. in my mind they're just lumps that I compress when I have to go out.
