I must say having a new start isnt great when you dont pass!

[LilDevilOfPrada]

Its so annoying! Wish I had a way around it lol.

My soloution is to join the local LGBT community and hope to make accepting friends there.

[Zumbagirl]

Its so annoying! Wish I had a way around it lol.

My soloution is to join the local LGBT community and hope to make accepting friends there.

What do you feel is holding you back? Is it your natural hair is too short or too much facial hair or something that can easily be changed? I think a lot of people put a huge emphasis on FFS but its not a panacea. Passing is 1% looks and 99% attitude. If you concentrate on the 1% you will miss the most important part

You just need to get out there and live a life worth living and enjoy every second of every day like I do

[LilDevilOfPrada]

What do you feel is holding you back? Is it your natural hair is too short or too much facial hair or something that can easily be changed? I think a lot of people put a huge emphasis on FFS but its not a panacea. Passing is 1% looks and 99% attitude. If you concentrate on the 1% you will miss the most important part

You just need to get out there and live a life worth living and enjoy every second of every day like I do

I found Nega-Me seeming I live every second hating life Haha Its not just my hair theres something else to my face that ruins it but I cant tell what.

[DanicaCarin]

 LilDevilOfPrada,

Can you give us some more info about your transition process? For example, I have been on HRT for 18 months, but have not tried going full time. The reason, is that I still see "something" not passable about my face. Others have this problem too. Then there is the non HRT passsabilty issues..... that could be at play. I can say that I have a huge delay in what I see in "changes" verses other people. They are looking at me like I have three heads, because I went from being Scott, to looking like Scott's sister. Yet I still look in the mirror and see Scott.  Not sure if that makes any sense?

Dani   

[Zumbagirl]

I found Nega-Me seeming I live every second hating life Haha Its not just my hair theres something else to my face that ruins it but I cant tell what.

I hope that you are not clinging to the idea that if you could have some magical facial surgery that all of your problems are going to be solved. If a bag of money suddenly fell out of the sky and you could have surgery after surgery, it's not going to make your life any easier because the most important thing in the world is self-acceptance and that's one thing a surgeon can never fix. None of use started off perfect. I sure as heck didn't, otherwise I wouldn't have needed facial surgery either. But being imperfect didn't stop me from being me. Once upon a time, I used to own 2 wigs, because I had really short hair, a lousy complexion, a crooked nose with a hump in it, and facial hair. I was a freaking mess. But I was still me. Being out and about only proved to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that I really was a transsexual and that I was really meant to live the life of a female. It was the absolute confirmation that I knew about myself. No hormones, no electro, no nothing. I guess you could have called me a part time CDer back then, however, I knew better. Living 3 hours, then 4, then 5 as a girl only made me want to do it longer and longer. I had to buy another wig so I could fall asleep with it on and knew what it felt like to have long long hair. The thing for me was I wasn't happy just frolicking around the house, I needed to be out there in the world letting people see and interact with me as I really am, not same fake guy who was barely even happy. Every time I had to go back to being a guy I was instantly sad. If I had to take off my wig or wash off my makeup and see the guy face underneath I was instantly sad. Eventually as days wore on, the slivers of time every day that I lived as a guy made all of those moments of sadness add up until one day it seemed my entire world stopped and all that was left was sadness. I can still remember this day. I went to work and literally sat at my desk the entire day. I had to do something about this one thing about me, but I didn't know what to do.  I can't just dress up like a girl, I needed to be one, physically and totally.

I didn't work that day, I just sat there all day staring into space, thinking what if I "could" be a girl. I was on the verge of discovering my inner being, who I really and truly was as a person. I had hidden myself away and now I knew this one thing about myself, except I thought no one would ever believe me. It's not like I was some kind of feminine man or gay guy or anything like that. I was just a normal guy, except I really wasn't. The second I made the decision to transition the fog started to lift. Then I wanted to grow out my hair and that raised my spirits even more. I knew that part wasn't going to be easy but I figured I could explain it to coworkers and family. After even just a few hours of electrolysis the fog lifted even more. By the time I got a therapist to talk about this, the fog was already dissipating. Here I was already transitioning and I didn't even know I was doing it yet. I had been transitioning for 4 months by that point and I hadn't even talked to a therapist yet. By the time I walked in there, I had read tsroadmap.com, the standards of care and I could almost recite things from memory. It looked scary and daunting, all this medical mumbo jumbo that I knew nothing about. I was scared poop-less that they would have taken one look at me and said I wasn't a real transsexual and I would get no help. I was so frightened by that thought that I said if I self medicated then they would know I was really serious. Then once I finally came in from the cold and "came out" to myelf and my therapist is when I found out that I was no different than anyone else no matter how young or old they were when they transitioned. I was another text book case file and then I knew I would be okay.

Yet here I am today saying it's not much more than a tempest in a tea cup. Once I started I wanted everything right then and there, on the spot, but it doesn't quite work that way. It takes time and there is no way around it. I like to call the process an evolution not a revolution. There is no sudden change. I evolved into the person I am today and it wasn't over night, and the evolution was not affected much by the surgery either. All that surgery (facial/srs/boobs) did for me was to prove what I knew about myself all along that I should have been born a girl. That's one reason why I like the term gender confirmation surgery, because it only served to confirm something I already knew was true.

Despite all that I would have never known and may even be sitting here today doubting myself instead of living a very good quality life if I was afraid to simply take a nice deep breath and walk out the front door for the first time no matter what the neighbors thought. That was the moment at the door step that I knew I really loved myself warts and all except I knew that someday, I could do something about the warts.

[JoanneB]

I hope that you are not clinging to the idea that if you could have some magical facial surgery that all of your problems are going to be solved. If a bag of money suddenly fell out of the sky and you could have surgery after surgery, it's not going to make your life any easier because the most important thing in the world is self-acceptance and that's one thing a surgeon can never fix. None of use started off perfect. I sure as heck didn't, otherwise I wouldn't have needed facial surgery either. But being imperfect didn't stop me from being me. Once upon a time, I used to own 2 wigs, because I had really short hair, a lousy complexion, a crooked nose with a hump in it, and facial hair. I was a freaking mess. But I was still me. Being out and about only proved to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that I really was a transsexual and that I was really meant to live the life of a female. It was the absolute confirmation that I knew about myself. No hormones, no electro, no nothing. I guess you could have called me a part time CDer back then, however, I knew better. Living 3 hours, then 4, then 5 as a girl only made me want to do it longer and longer. I had to buy another wig so I could fall asleep with it on and knew what it felt like to have long long hair. The thing for me was I wasn't happy just frolicking around the house, I needed to be out there in the world letting people see and interact with me as I really am, not same fake guy who was barely even happy. Every time I had to go back to being a guy I was instantly sad. If I had to take off my wig or wash off my makeup and see the guy face underneath I was instantly sad. Eventually as days wore on, the slivers of time every day that I lived as a guy made all of those moments of sadness add up until one day it seemed my entire world stopped and all that was left was sadness. I can still remember this day. I went to work and literally sat at my desk the entire day. I had to do something about this one thing about me, but I didn't know what to do.  I can't just dress up like a girl, I needed to be one, physically and totally.

I didn't work that day, I just sat there all day staring into space, thinking what if I "could" be a girl. I was on the verge of discovering my inner being, who I really and truly was as a person. I had hidden myself away and now I knew this one thing about myself, except I thought no one would ever believe me. It's not like I was some kind of feminine man or gay guy or anything like that. I was just a normal guy, except I really wasn't. The second I made the decision to transition the fog started to lift. Then I wanted to grow out my hair and that raised my spirits even more. I knew that part wasn't going to be easy but I figured I could explain it to coworkers and family. After even just a few hours of electrolysis the fog lifted even more. By the time I got a therapist to talk about this, the fog was already dissipating. Here I was already transitioning and I didn't even know I was doing it yet. I had been transitioning for 4 months by that point and I hadn't even talked to a therapist yet. By the time I walked in there, I had read tsroadmap.com, the standards of care and I could almost recite things from memory. It looked scary and daunting, all this medical mumbo jumbo that I knew nothing about. I was scared poop-less that they would have taken one look at me and said I wasn't a real transsexual and I would get no help. I was so frightened by that thought that I said if I self medicated then they would know I was really serious. Then once I finally came in from the cold and "came out" to myelf and my therapist is when I found out that I was no different than anyone else no matter how young or old they were when they transitioned. I was another text book case file and then I knew I would be okay.

Yet here I am today saying it's not much more than a tempest in a tea cup. Once I started I wanted everything right then and there, on the spot, but it doesn't quite work that way. It takes time and there is no way around it. I like to call the process an evolution not a revolution. There is no sudden change. I evolved into the person I am today and it wasn't over night, and the evolution was not affected much by the surgery either. All that surgery (facial/srs/boobs) did for me was to prove what I knew about myself all along that I should have been born a girl. That's one reason why I like the term gender confirmation surgery, because it only served to confirm something I already knew was true.

Despite all that I would have never known and may even be sitting here today doubting myself instead of living a very good quality life if I was afraid to simply take a nice deep breath and walk out the front door for the first time no matter what the neighbors thought. That was the moment at the door step that I knew I really loved myself warts and all except I knew that someday, I could do something about the warts.

+1  Well Said.

If I let the 6ft tall bald deep voiced big boned so on and so on me rule my life, I would never have experienced my life long dream of being seen as and accepted as a woman.

[Tristan]

also the grass is not always greener on the other side. I pass ok but I can tell you the girls I deal with are ruthless and back stabbers. im learning some things the hard way. especially when it comes to guy stealing..

[TanaSilver]

I hope that you are not clinging to the idea that if you could have some magical facial surgery that all of your problems are going to be solved. If a bag of money suddenly fell out of the sky and you could have surgery after surgery, it's not going to make your life any easier because the most important thing in the world is self-acceptance and that's one thing a surgeon can never fix. None of use started off perfect. I sure as heck didn't, otherwise I wouldn't have needed facial surgery either. But being imperfect didn't stop me from being me. Once upon a time, I used to own 2 wigs, because I had really short hair, a lousy complexion, a crooked nose with a hump in it, and facial hair. I was a freaking mess. But I was still me. Being out and about only proved to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that I really was a transsexual and that I was really meant to live the life of a female. It was the absolute confirmation that I knew about myself. No hormones, no electro, no nothing. I guess you could have called me a part time CDer back then, however, I knew better. Living 3 hours, then 4, then 5 as a girl only made me want to do it longer and longer. I had to buy another wig so I could fall asleep with it on and knew what it felt like to have long long hair. The thing for me was I wasn't happy just frolicking around the house, I needed to be out there in the world letting people see and interact with me as I really am, not same fake guy who was barely even happy. Every time I had to go back to being a guy I was instantly sad. If I had to take off my wig or wash off my makeup and see the guy face underneath I was instantly sad. Eventually as days wore on, the slivers of time every day that I lived as a guy made all of those moments of sadness add up until one day it seemed my entire world stopped and all that was left was sadness. I can still remember this day. I went to work and literally sat at my desk the entire day. I had to do something about this one thing about me, but I didn't know what to do.  I can't just dress up like a girl, I needed to be one, physically and totally.

I didn't work that day, I just sat there all day staring into space, thinking what if I "could" be a girl. I was on the verge of discovering my inner being, who I really and truly was as a person. I had hidden myself away and now I knew this one thing about myself, except I thought no one would ever believe me. It's not like I was some kind of feminine man or gay guy or anything like that. I was just a normal guy, except I really wasn't. The second I made the decision to transition the fog started to lift. Then I wanted to grow out my hair and that raised my spirits even more. I knew that part wasn't going to be easy but I figured I could explain it to coworkers and family. After even just a few hours of electrolysis the fog lifted even more. By the time I got a therapist to talk about this, the fog was already dissipating. Here I was already transitioning and I didn't even know I was doing it yet. I had been transitioning for 4 months by that point and I hadn't even talked to a therapist yet. By the time I walked in there, I had read tsroadmap.com, the standards of care and I could almost recite things from memory. It looked scary and daunting, all this medical mumbo jumbo that I knew nothing about. I was scared poop-less that they would have taken one look at me and said I wasn't a real transsexual and I would get no help. I was so frightened by that thought that I said if I self medicated then they would know I was really serious. Then once I finally came in from the cold and "came out" to myelf and my therapist is when I found out that I was no different than anyone else no matter how young or old they were when they transitioned. I was another text book case file and then I knew I would be okay.

Yet here I am today saying it's not much more than a tempest in a tea cup. Once I started I wanted everything right then and there, on the spot, but it doesn't quite work that way. It takes time and there is no way around it. I like to call the process an evolution not a revolution. There is no sudden change. I evolved into the person I am today and it wasn't over night, and the evolution was not affected much by the surgery either. All that surgery (facial/srs/boobs) did for me was to prove what I knew about myself all along that I should have been born a girl. That's one reason why I like the term gender confirmation surgery, because it only served to confirm something I already knew was true.

Despite all that I would have never known and may even be sitting here today doubting myself instead of living a very good quality life if I was afraid to simply take a nice deep breath and walk out the front door for the first time no matter what the neighbors thought. That was the moment at the door step that I knew I really loved myself warts and all except I knew that someday, I could do something about the warts.

This was beautifully said and quite inspirational

[LilDevilOfPrada]

I hope that you are not clinging to the idea that if you could have some magical facial surgery that all of your problems are going to be solved. If a bag of money suddenly fell out of the sky and you could have surgery after surgery, it's not going to make your life any easier because the most important thing in the world is self-acceptance and that's one thing a surgeon can never fix. None of use started off perfect. I sure as heck didn't, otherwise I wouldn't have needed facial surgery either. But being imperfect didn't stop me from being me. Once upon a time, I used to own 2 wigs, because I had really short hair, a lousy complexion, a crooked nose with a hump in it, and facial hair. I was a freaking mess. But I was still me. Being out and about only proved to me beyond a shadow of a doubt that I really was a transsexual and that I was really meant to live the life of a female. It was the absolute confirmation that I knew about myself. No hormones, no electro, no nothing. I guess you could have called me a part time CDer back then, however, I knew better. Living 3 hours, then 4, then 5 as a girl only made me want to do it longer and longer. I had to buy another wig so I could fall asleep with it on and knew what it felt like to have long long hair. The thing for me was I wasn't happy just frolicking around the house, I needed to be out there in the world letting people see and interact with me as I really am, not same fake guy who was barely even happy. Every time I had to go back to being a guy I was instantly sad. If I had to take off my wig or wash off my makeup and see the guy face underneath I was instantly sad. Eventually as days wore on, the slivers of time every day that I lived as a guy made all of those moments of sadness add up until one day it seemed my entire world stopped and all that was left was sadness. I can still remember this day. I went to work and literally sat at my desk the entire day. I had to do something about this one thing about me, but I didn't know what to do.  I can't just dress up like a girl, I needed to be one, physically and totally.

I didn't work that day, I just sat there all day staring into space, thinking what if I "could" be a girl. I was on the verge of discovering my inner being, who I really and truly was as a person. I had hidden myself away and now I knew this one thing about myself, except I thought no one would ever believe me. It's not like I was some kind of feminine man or gay guy or anything like that. I was just a normal guy, except I really wasn't. The second I made the decision to transition the fog started to lift. Then I wanted to grow out my hair and that raised my spirits even more. I knew that part wasn't going to be easy but I figured I could explain it to coworkers and family. After even just a few hours of electrolysis the fog lifted even more. By the time I got a therapist to talk about this, the fog was already dissipating. Here I was already transitioning and I didn't even know I was doing it yet. I had been transitioning for 4 months by that point and I hadn't even talked to a therapist yet. By the time I walked in there, I had read tsroadmap.com, the standards of care and I could almost recite things from memory. It looked scary and daunting, all this medical mumbo jumbo that I knew nothing about. I was scared poop-less that they would have taken one look at me and said I wasn't a real transsexual and I would get no help. I was so frightened by that thought that I said if I self medicated then they would know I was really serious. Then once I finally came in from the cold and "came out" to myelf and my therapist is when I found out that I was no different than anyone else no matter how young or old they were when they transitioned. I was another text book case file and then I knew I would be okay.

Yet here I am today saying it's not much more than a tempest in a tea cup. Once I started I wanted everything right then and there, on the spot, but it doesn't quite work that way. It takes time and there is no way around it. I like to call the process an evolution not a revolution. There is no sudden change. I evolved into the person I am today and it wasn't over night, and the evolution was not affected much by the surgery either. All that surgery (facial/srs/boobs) did for me was to prove what I knew about myself all along that I should have been born a girl. That's one reason why I like the term gender confirmation surgery, because it only served to confirm something I already knew was true.

Despite all that I would have never known and may even be sitting here today doubting myself instead of living a very good quality life if I was afraid to simply take a nice deep breath and walk out the front door for the first time no matter what the neighbors thought. That was the moment at the door step that I knew I really loved myself warts and all except I knew that someday, I could do something about the warts.

I must say well put!!!
I get what your saying and you are right I suppose Its mainly just me holding me back in a sense but Hey in time I can change that

I Have done days where I was just me but I stopped that after I got endless hurtful comments, I dont take insults well never have.

LilDevilOfPrada,

Can you give us some more info about your transition process? For example, I have been on HRT for 18 months, but have not tried going full time. The reason, is that I still see "something" not passable about my face. Others have this problem too. Then there is the non HRT passsabilty issues..... that could be at play. I can say that I have a huge delay in what I see in "changes" verses other people. They are looking at me like I have three heads, because I went from being Scott, to looking like Scott's sister. Yet I still look in the mirror and see Scott.  Not sure if that makes any sense?

Dani   

I get what your saying, Lets see A little info I am 18 months HRt and my pics are in pass on day thread.

Can I just say the main reason I hate the fact I dont pass yet is the fact almost all people and meet and make friends with will see me as male, Its nice and all to tell them however to them they will just see me as a cross dresser and not the girl I am.

I have yet to meet a cis-man/woman who after telling them could even consider me as female and thats what hurts me most.

I dont really care if I was pretty ugly or plain, I only want 1 thing out of transition and that is to be seen as the woman I am.

I would honestly rather kill myself then live a life seen as male. So any friends I make while I still look male I will systematically remove them from my life. Thats just how I am.

And thats why not passing with a new start annoys me so much.

[AusBelle]

Have you tried going androgynous for a while?  I didn't pass right out of the box, and just sort of went androgynous until slowly evolving into my female self.  It's a much better alternative than going male.  Take things slowly.  As ZumbaGirl said, and I fully agree, these things take time.

Just an idea.

[Zumbagirl]

I must say well put!!!
I get what your saying and you are right I suppose Its mainly just me holding me back in a sense but Hey in time I can change that

I Have done days where I was just me but I stopped that after I got endless hurtful comments, I dont take insults well never have.


I get what your saying, Lets see A little info I am 18 months HRt and my pics are in pass on day thread.

Can I just say the main reason I hate the fact I dont pass yet is the fact almost all people and meet and make friends with will see me as male, Its nice and all to tell them however to them they will just see me as a cross dresser and not the girl I am.

I have yet to meet a cis-man/woman who after telling them could even consider me as female and thats what hurts me most.

I dont really care if I was pretty ugly or plain, I only want 1 thing out of transition and that is to be seen as the woman I am.

I would honestly rather kill myself then live a life seen as male. So any friends I make while I still look male I will systematically remove them from my life. Thats just how I am.

And thats why not passing with a new start annoys me so much.

Okay so I looked at you pictures. I don't like giving advice, but the only thing I can say is grow your hair out and you will be fine. To be honest I don't know you or how you act or speak, the only thing I can see is a picture and that won't give much insight into a person. You will never learn how to live life as a female until you just start living. You could have maturity issues or your actions may be seen by friends and family as not very girlish and that could be the thing holding you back, not your face.

To be quite honest, I consider myself to be a successfully transitioned person and having been on the new side of the street for long enough to know how "cis" people are going to react. It's not going to be pretty. You can transition and they will be nice to you in person, but behind your back, watch out. The slings and arrows that go with being a transperson is fear of discovery. I remember back in those wig wearing days I was at a local mall just walking around and doing nothing much. Then I heard a bunch of young latinos yell out "Hey look it's a dude. A dude with a purse!". I was freaking out. I was afraid they would follow me out to the car, so I ducked into a store and hid for a while and shopped.

Knowing now what I just said, let me put it to you this way. If there was a magic wand that could to you everything you wanted and you were in that same mall and got clocked, do you honestly think the outcome is going to be any different than it was for me in a wig? If you are then you are sadly mistaken. Look at all of the TG people who are slaughtered and butchered every year because of discovery. Some of them were very beautiful women indeed. Some may even be post-ops. It's happens to so many of us that we have to have a day of mourning for all of those who were killed in the previous year. I bet if we posted up their pictures we would all be saying "wow she passes just fine", and yet here she is dead.

If your voice doesn't cut it, then work on it. If you don't like your hair then grow it out. If you have fear issues then you need to get over them and being out is one way.  If you are worried about insults, then you need to learn to have a thick skin, because it goes with the territory. We are still the butt of many jokes and you will need to face the insults and jokes like the rest of us. Any one of us was scared when we started out. I remember shortly before going full time (pre-ffs as well) I was in target and was living in that uncomfortable zone between male and female and I was at the register and the cashier asked me, are you a boy or a girl? I guess she couldn't tell anymore. That was one way I knew the change was working. They couldn't see me as a girl yet, but at the same time, they didn't see a boy either which was good.

[RAY]

Zumbagirl you a kind spirit and loving heart! You been thru a lot in life coping with your needs to be what feel in your soul! Thank you sharing this upplifting story hope I am saying it properly. I too face must want you pour out of your struggle; times that we beat our selves up. I wish I had your courage to do this.

[hazel]

Hey Lildevilofprada, I remember seeing your face pics on another thread and you looked quite feminine to me, so I think you definitely have a good starting point to work from. I'm also daunted by the thought of presenting myself as a female to the world before things like hrt can help me along, and I haven't began yet so I'm in no position to preach but my own plan is to start off by gradually becoming more androgynous.

Really tho zumbagirl has given the best advice, that I won't get there overnight is something I need to remind myself of too.