A question for any other Bigendered folks here?

[veritasinchains]

Or anyone who might have an idea. Lately, I have felt female more often than male. In the last few days I haven't felt male at all. I feel comfortable referring to myself in the feminine. And almost like I am lying using masculine. Is this normal for a Bigendered person early on after discovering they are transgendered? Or is is more likely that I have never been male at all? I am waiting no matter what before I make any sort of calls. I want to lose a lot more weight and see if either that helps me or I need to see a gender counselor. GAH! Why isn't gender as easy as picking between regular and diet soda?!

Anyhow thanks for your time,
Jeremy(Well I am starting to like using Claire on days like this)

[Lesley_Roberta]

I think I might be able to relate, sort of, maybe, I'm not really sure

I wake every morning, and like clockwork I am a guy, annoyingly so, and he just has to do his male thing (sex, hope I don't need to spell it out further). And after he's done it 'see ya' and MY day begins. I bath and get dressed and usually go for a walk. In recent time I have been using perfume as I like the element it adds to my day. I don't get any use out of visual cues, but I like the occasional scent reminder from my perfume. I like smelling 'nice'.

But I am finding myself wondering, how long have I actually been here? I mean I was asked that question by a shrink, and I was 'hmmm not sure?'. But then later, after having thought on the whole matter of 'how long have I actually been here?', and I started to recall things I have done over the years, and then to realize, 'hey that might have been me and not him'. During role gaming (Dungeons and Dragons etc eh) I tend to prefer being a female character. But over the years I have hid it behind being hermaphrodite so as to be not too unusual around the guys (as if a hermaphrodite is not unusual hehe). But now I am thinking more and more, how much of him, was not him, but me. Because a lot of my personality, or rather a lot of HIS personality, was not what I would call really all that masculine.

Over the years I have not always been what most guys would normally call 'manly, or 'macho' or 'he man' like. But it has never been overly in your face obvious. I find myself currently having more and more trouble actually enjoying a lot of the things that make up my life (which was originally his life). Hobbies, and behaviours and just the possessions I find surrounding me.

I likely would be entirely female by now, if not for being married, and very happy to be so, and not interested in letting her go.  Single and with nothing to restrain my decisions, and I am fairly certain I'd have gone about making the change as fast as I could force it to happen. But, that is not in my current expected future.

And I find myself dealing with personal demands before I indulge an array of options. I am also simply not willing to make some choices BEFORE I lose the male pattern bulge at the waist line. I'd looooooove to wear a skirt, but I am NOT trading being a fat guy, for being a fat girl looking guy in a skirt. I will be a more pleasant dress size before I make that move. I don't care that they have stores for women of the plus size sort.

[Keira]

I used to think I was bigender, but I noticed a change around the time I came out. I figured out that my male side felt "numb" and it wasn't really me. I also always feel happier when I feel female. And then I figured out that I am primarily female (transexual) and also a genderqueer female.

Even as a child I never felt like I was male, I didn't know where I was on the male/female spectrum.

Hugs for my sisters,

-Skye

[suzifrommd]

My experience is that after I thought of myself as mix-gendered for a few months, I began to realize that my core gender was female (opposite my birth sex) and that the male stuff was grafted on from living that way for decades. I still have male elements to my identity but I don't really care about them. I feel like if they ever went away and didn't come back I wouldn't miss them.

Of course, your experience may be totally different.

[Emily Aster]

My experience is that after I thought of myself as mix-gendered for a few months, I began to realize that my core gender was female (opposite my birth sex) and that the male stuff was grafted on from living that way for decades. I still have male elements to my identity but I don't really care about them. I feel like if they ever went away and didn't come back I wouldn't miss them.

Same here. I took an extra step and kicked my male self to the curb, sort of. I moved all his clothes and personal items to a hallway closet to let my female self take over the bedroom and the bathroom.

[Phoeniks]

Recently I've asked a similar question your asking. Is gender fluidity/androgyny a phase for some people? I've seen that for some people it is, and for others it isn't. Case in point, the trans community is nothing if not varied. Some people physically transition towards having more of the opposite genders qualities and dont identify as trans in their opinion. Some people go through gender fluid phases, but end up transitioning and when they do they dont feel fluid anymore. Some people feel like the opposite gender, but experience no dysphoria and become non op transexuals. It's different for everyone is the best answer I can give...

I'm one of those that seem to be slowly migrating away from their assigned gender. I've considered myself to be androgynous for I don't know how long. When I understood how much social anxiety I get from being seen as a female, I've been less and less okay with being in a girl body and a girl's social role. I used to have both an androgyne/androgynous boy side and a girl side, but the girl is all but nonexistent now. I dunno if the winter just made her hibernate, but now it seems like she was just an empty shell or a role, an act I had to create to cope.

So I am less fluid than before, but still strongly in the middle - just without bi-gender traits for now. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my social transitioning has already started and I'm out with my androgyny to many friends who are totally supportive. No need to keep appearances. For me, the clichée "follow your heart" has really worked - I'm not trying to transition consciously into another gender, just be as honest to myself as I can.

[Eva Marie]

One thing that we say over on the bigender board is that there is not any one way to be bigender. So with that said swinging over from one gender to another for extended periods of time can and does happen. The longest i've ever swung over into girl mode has been for about a month. Some go for months at a time before swinging back.

The danger is doing something for your other gender that you'll regret when you swing back. When i'm having an epic girl mode episode she whispers in my ear that I need to transition, and that sounds like a great idea. When i swing back I wonder what the heck i was thinking.

My advice would be just to take it easy for now and see if you do swing back, or if this is something other than a bigender swing.

[veritasinchains]

One thing that we say over on the bigender board is that there is not any one way to be bigender. So with that said swinging over from one gender to another for extended periods of time can and does happen. The longest i've ever swung over into girl mode has been for about a month. Some go for months at a time before swinging back.

The danger is doing something for your other gender that you'll regret when you swing back. When i'm having an epic girl mode episode she whispers in my ear that I need to transition, and that sounds like a great idea. When i swing back I wonder what the heck i was thinking.

My advice would be just to take it easy for now and see if you do swing back, or if this is something other than a bigender swing.

That makes perfect sense. I thought it may be like that. I don't plan on doing anything for quite some time. I mean like at least a year or so more than likely...

[Anna]

This troubles me a lot. I am still going through the counselling with the NHS and waiting for a chance to chat to the psychiatrist so I don't really know what they may think is up with me. I have times when I am convinced I have GD and others when it seems to vanish. What I do know is that I have had these episodes since I was a child and it seems that even when I wasn't aware of feeling anything other people were aware of my behaviour and have drawn attention to allegedly girly or feminine traits (which I love 'cos it makes me feel more natural though it also worries me because I am unaware of it and as I get older the impact of the messages it sends to other people becomes more important). When I think back I have had friends and colleagues who have obviously been aware and suggesting to me for years that I was trans in some way but I just couldn't accept it. Maybe we are who we are all the time but only notice the extremes?

[Padma]

Dysphoria can wax and wane in intensity anyway, but is a symptom of not being able to live in one's experienced gender. I guess for bigender people it will manifest when you're not able to let yourself live as bigender, that is, be comfortably whichever gender at the time, and comfortably switch over whenever switching happens. I imagine a lot of bigender people might go through a period of experiencing dysphoria *because* they're trying to live as (non-bigender) transgender, thinking they're just heading from A to B, and not respecting their bi-ness. Just thinking out loud here...

[suzifrommd]

This troubles me a lot. I am still going through the counselling with the NHS and waiting for a chance to chat to the psychiatrist so I don't really know what they may think is up with me.

I know how tough it is to wait to get care. I hope it helps.

Though in the end, it will be you, and not your psychiatrist, who will have to fine the answer.

Good luck, Anna.

[veritasinchains]

I decided to repost this here in case it gets missed on the other thread I posted it...

Okay my (unofficial) Bf suggested that I post this. I decided to post it here but may repost it in my bigender thread. I have felt some masculine feelings the last couple of days. I have figured out why. I am off my diet till the first of the year, I haven't exercised in days, I haven't kept up my skin care regime. And amidst all this I feel more male than I did. I am beginning to wonder if my masculinity was like my weight which my psychologist suggested was shielding. I used my weight as a way to hide who I really was from others and the one who really needed to know the real me. Myself. I am starting to contemplate whether or not my male side is the same. My mom has commented on how I have been warm and affectionate the last couple of weeks. I think more than anything this is because I am getting in touch with my femininity. I like it. I always wanted to be cute and never could be. Because of course boys aren't meant to be cute right? I know that is b.s. but still it seems to be the norm anyhow. What I really want to know is has anyone else had this happen? Their birth gender subverts or goes away when they start working towards their actual gender and what they want for it. But when they let off and stop working on it their birth gender starts emerging.

[dana510]

So with that said swinging over from one gender to another for extended periods of time can and does happen.

The danger is doing something for your other gender that you'll regret when you swing back. When i'm having an epic girl mode episode she whispers in my ear that I need to transition, and that sounds like a great idea. When i swing back I wonder what the heck i was thinking.

My advice would be just to take it easy for now and see if you do swing back, or if this is something other than a bigender swing.

I second this notion. The same thing happens to me. I just take easily reversible steps to calm my inner disquiet during these periods (example: hair removal). One thing that influences my decision making is that I have a partner that is completely not OK with gender fluidity on my part. If single, I'd have probably succumbed to that voice many times.