How many of you hetero SOs are still attracted to your transitioning partners?

[Silvermist]

Of course one of the biggest challenges for a committed relationship in which one partner is transitioning but the other partner is straight (and they've been together since before the transition) is maintaining a mutual physical/sexual attraction, which is why forums like this one exist. But how many of you, despite being straight, feel like you're willing to make a one-time exception for your partner?

[GypsySoul]

I am in this kind of relationship now. I am a straight female, my love is a trans woman. I an still very much attracted to her even with all the changes she has made. Right now it is hard for me because I am still adjusting to not having a man in my life, or in my bed. As for exceptions... I don't feel like I am making one. I love this person with everything I am, my attraction to her isn't because of her body or her parts. But because of everything she is to me I still find her incredibly sexy and though this is a difficult part, learning to live without the things I had before, I look forward to learning how to love her as a woman.

[AngieT]

Of course one of the biggest challenges for a committed relationship in which one partner is transitioning but the other partner is straight (and they've been together since before the transition) is maintaining a mutual physical/sexual attraction, which is why forums like this one exist. But how many of you, despite being straight, feel like you're willing to make a one-time exception for your partner?

Might I ask why you believe that sexual attraction is a mandatory prerequisite for a successful marriage? 

I've heard the excuse that partners leave because they no longer find the transitioner sexually attractive, but I'd say that if physical attractiveness was the primary reason people were with their spouse, the marriage was probably already doomed to failure and transition was simply an excuse to justify leaving. 

Did you marry your spouse because you thought they were hot, or did you marry them because they made you smile, because they were there for emotional support, because they were attentive, and because  they put your needs ahead of their own?  If you were both to live to 100+ years old, would you still find that person sexually attractive, and if not, would you divorce them simply for not meeting your sexual requirements?  If your spouse were horribly disfigured in an accident, would you divorce then because their physical attractiveness no longer met your expectations?

I believe that we all have different ideas of what a successful marriage is.  For us, it's about mutual friendship and caring.  It's about trust, and being there when the world seems to be backing you into a corner.  Knowing that regardless of what may happen, they will always be there to stand by you.  My spouse is my best friend, someone with whom I can share my most personal secrets, and someone I can rely on for a hug after a long and trying day.  She was chosen to be a part of my family because of who she is as a person, with a status equal to blood relatives.  (In most cases, she's held in much higher regard)  I love my mom and sister unconditionally, even absent sexual attractiveness.  Why should my love for my spouse be subject to anything less? 

We've been together for over 20 years, married for 19 years, including close to 10 years in transition/full time.  Relationships can work if you focus on the positive rather than dwell on losing the occasional copulation session.  How many hours a month do you spend doing that?  Would you be willing to sacrifice that for your partner?

[Nikki59s~Girl]

I'm actually in the same situation and I very much love my wife! She is trans and it is just so amazing watching her transition in to a beautiful woman! Yes I fell inlove with her before her transitsion but I feel like were even more inlove now and I feel that were even closer! She's taught me so much and we just love doing girly things together! We have now almost been married for a year!

[Violet Bloom]

  I got to know someone recently who is trans male-presenting with a straight cis female partner.  The amazing thing is they got together when HE still presented as SHE.  Now their relationship is even better than how it started.  Certainly these two must have instinctively appreciated each other truly for their personalities in order to have met and bonded this way.

  I don't know how dramatically one must change themselves before they break a marriage.

[prussianprincess]

 
I didn't get the news of my husband wanting to change until about 6 months ago; 6 years into our marriage.  First there was shock, denial, and confusion.
And in the last 2-3 months it has been grief.  At first, I thought that the man I married was no longer there.  But he is, a different shell perhaps.  But how can that be?  The hormones can't take credit for all the personality changes.  Last but not least, I bared my heart and said I would do anything to keep our marriage together (not a new statement with us). But looks like my best isn't good enough.  I love her so much.  It's so complicated and confusing. 
prussian princess

[EmiB]

I still find my partner beautiful even while she is transitioning. In many ways our ability to be close physically has gotten better since she came out to me as being transgendered.
What has been interesting for me is how I see myself since my wife has been transitioning. I always felt uncomfortable calling myself "straight" but since the world saw me as such because I was a woman married to "a man" this idea was never challenged by anyone. I remember even telling my partner before we were married that I was attracted to some women, but that I was not going to act on these feelings because THIS relationship meant too much to me. So in many ways this question might not apply to me because I always struggled with thinking of myself as "hetero".
But, what has been difficult for me during my wife's transition is how powerless I feel in defining who I am in this new world I find myself. Since my wife has been transitioning a friend jokingly asked me "What does it feel like to be a lesbian now?" This question really got me thinking about how I was basically in the same situation as before but in reverse. Now people see me as a "lesbian" because I am now in a relationship with a women. So now I am referred to yet another label that doesn't feel completely "right" for me either.
What is a poor girl to do?
Well, lately I have been trying to take matters in my  own hands and define myself in the way that I see myself while trying to figure out what word/words would be the best to use. Lately "queer" as been the word that I have been using to describe my sexual orientation and that has been working well for me. But this is a journey that is my own! I am trying really hard NOT to let other people's perceptions define who I am! Only I know what I like and don't like in a physical/ sexual relationship.
Sometimes I feel a little frustrated that my wife's transition gets most of the attention because her transition affects how she looks on the outside. Everyone can SEE her transition and so it is more in the open and because  of this might be seen as "really happening". My transition is more internal so I don't feel like I get that much support or acknowledgement for what I am going through with defining my sexual orientation. What makes me sad is that a lot of people will always think that I never was "queer" and that I was making this all up to to adapt to what my wife wanted (or needed me to be).
These are some of my thoughts dealing with the issues of transition and how that affects attraction.

[Just Kate]

Might I ask why you believe that sexual attraction is a mandatory prerequisite for a successful marriage? 

I've heard the excuse that partners leave because they no longer find the transitioner sexually attractive, but I'd say that if physical attractiveness was the primary reason people were with their spouse, the marriage was probably already doomed to failure and transition was simply an excuse to justify leaving. 

Did you marry your spouse because you thought they were hot, or did you marry them because they made you smile, because they were there for emotional support, because they were attentive, and because  they put your needs ahead of their own?  If you were both to live to 100+ years old, would you still find that person sexually attractive, and if not, would you divorce them simply for not meeting your sexual requirements?  If your spouse were horribly disfigured in an accident, would you divorce then because their physical attractiveness no longer met your expectations?

I believe that we all have different ideas of what a successful marriage is.  For us, it's about mutual friendship and caring.  It's about trust, and being there when the world seems to be backing you into a corner.  Knowing that regardless of what may happen, they will always be there to stand by you.  My spouse is my best friend, someone with whom I can share my most personal secrets, and someone I can rely on for a hug after a long and trying day.  She was chosen to be a part of my family because of who she is as a person, with a status equal to blood relatives.  (In most cases, she's held in much higher regard)  I love my mom and sister unconditionally, even absent sexual attractiveness.  Why should my love for my spouse be subject to anything less? 

We've been together for over 20 years, married for 19 years, including close to 10 years in transition/full time.  Relationships can work if you focus on the positive rather than dwell on losing the occasional copulation session.  How many hours a month do you spend doing that?  Would you be willing to sacrifice that for your partner?

It might not be as important to you or your spouse, but it can be very important.  Also important is the thought of oneself as "straight" or "gay" and transition can complicate the non-bisexual partner's image of themselves.  Anyhow, this is the SO thread, and she was asking other hetero SOs this question.  I plan to leave this discussion to them.  I learn a lot from listening to them and don't want them to feel they'll be judged by other trans people on this site.

[Button]

I am very much still attracted to Andi, she is so much happier and still the person I fell in love with. She still has the humour the compassion and the understanding and is still so patient with me, even after being on hrt for a while now. She is my everything and we will grow old together.

[yellowsub11]

I am still very attracted to my SO - Maybe even more so if I am being totally honest. I think because she is so much happier now that she is able to be herself and not feeling stuck being someone she is not.    All the things I fell in love with are still there and I am seeing new things that I am falling even more in love with almost every day! And (dare I say) a lot of the things that were not so attractive are now gone or are going away as she is able to become the person she was meant to be instead of putting on a mask of a person she thought she was supposed to pretend like she was.

I guess it helps that even though I always considered myself "straight" before I always found women incredibly beautiful and would sometimes imagine myself kissing my straight girlfriends?  Is that weird? I dunno..  Does that make me not "hetero" enough to even be replying to this!? HA! I dunno!! Oh Well!