going for a srs...who do you tell?

[milktea]

Yup sucker punch...my bad getting the name wrong. My interpretation comes from the end after the lobotomy is done, when the doc comments that it is as if she wanted him to do it...now why would she want to sacrifice herself during the escape? My take at it is that even if she did escape, how can she live her life with all the messed up things that has happened?

I mean if it is me I will be living a life of pain to my dying day.

Now if it is just too much pain to live for, the next best option to suicide is perhaps a way to devoid yourself of emotions. Laugh, cry, jump around...but just emulated actions to facilitate communication with people around you...

[milktea]

And in case you are wondering...no relief either. It is like looking at a vase you ordered off eBay

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi milktea,

The more I read your posts the more I don't understand the, what I perceive, utter abuse you have suffered. It appears to have been severe to chronic, so I can't say "I understand," because I don't. I haven't been you, to experience it.

I can say however, the level of abuse I suffered as a pre teen and teen, was consistent and persistence for a period of years. With it's obvious profound effects. One thing I will say, I know I wouldn't be the woman I am today without the persistence and gentle persuasion by my therapist to engage my issues. The past few weeks have been almost insurmountable. But I'm through it. I'm out the other side. I am the winner. No one, but no one WILL ever control me, like those creature have for so long. There is just some "cleaning up" to do with respects to some preconceived thoughts and feelings.

I haven't seen this particular movie, and even if I did, it wouldn't have an effect on me. Simply because movies elicit incorrect and some time grossly inappropriate themes, simply to sell the nonsense. I'd never gauge or attempt to live a lifestyle directed by some movie. Just my personal preference.

I will however, encourage you to do whatever is necessary to work through your issues. There IS an absolutely beautiful life out there waiting for you. If the experience of others that have been where you are now, post-op, is any indication. You should be able to experience one of the greatest experiences in anyones life. Unfortunately, the actions of others have robbed you of this. That, in itself, is a crime.

Hope you continue to recover well.

Huggs
Catherine

[Elspeth]

I haven't seen this particular movie, and even if I did, it wouldn't have an effect on me. Simply because movies elicit incorrect and some time grossly inappropriate themes, simply to sell the nonsense. I'd never gauge or attempt to live a lifestyle directed by some movie. Just my personal preference.

The movie in question is not a model for emulation. Since it's a visualization of the state of mind of someone submitted to clinical abuse of a style condoned in the 60s and earlier, and a form that the profession has at least claimed to have disowned, it is more a depiction, a way of making some internal states visible and dramatic. It was not intended to sell anything, and it did horribly in theaters because it was not soft pedalling things ... while it played off of some of the kind of misogynistic tropes that fill the present popular imagination, it was marketed to appeal to teenage boys, and yet was created in a way guaranteed to make them deeply uncomfortable at best, and feeling a sense of gender guilt if they had any empathy whatsoever.

Not every movie is selling something, though we seem to be encouraged to buy that assumption.

Just trying to fill in the blanks, within the limits of practical possibility (and therefore almost certain to fail if you haven't seen it). It made most critics deeply uncomfortable, which shows up in some fascinating ways in their reviews.

[milktea]

Movies are just movies....nothing more than dramatized plots to highlight some point the producer is trying to sell. The reason I mention it is to draw parallel with the idea of escapism. As horrible as it sounds, abandoning your emotions may not be as bleak a choice in certain circumstances.

[milktea]

had a talk with a friend today and decided to revisit this issue. the topic has strayed to me instead of my folks. my conclusion is that it is an error of judgment on my part not to disclose beforehand. i have miscalculated the level of psychological damage my parents will probably suffer after they realised that they were withheld the fact of my major operation...he has shown me some empirical evidence that seems to suggest they will perceive negative emotions greater than anxiety of my safety, such as guilt, deceit and being left out.

i suppose cath and elspeth have already correctly pointed these out. the truth is i still cannot perceive the rationale for such feelings but that must be the facts. i guess the best course of action now is to offer my apology. is there anything else i can do?

[Catherine Sarah]

Hi milktea,

I believe an apology will go some way to mitigating this situation with your parents. You may need to be prepared for some rough "turbulence" in the initial stages.

Your friend who disclosed this empirical data, may have some idea on the probability and specific stages (if any); grief may be demonstrated by your parents. If grief, or partial grief is an outcome, at least there may be some observations of the particular stage they are up to as they process the news.

Maybe if you could preface your news with the rationale you used to "protect" them may help in deflecting some of the ensuing trauma. Ensuring they understand your perspective before you release the news. This may require a considerable lead up preparation stage, with you getting the appropriate feedback that they understand your position. It will still 'rock' them.

At least you can live in hope, parental love will overcome all, in time. Glad to hear you are recovering well, except for the boredom. That word doesn't exist in my vocabulary, fortunately.

I hope this latest revelation will help you with being able to deal with yourself as time goes by.

Huggs
Catherine