Am I alone in thinking this way?

[Heather]

Well today I really noticed what my mom has been tripping about. I thought it was my breast growing was what was freaking her out. But its my face it has really changed. I can't believe how fast this is happening to me! And I'm not complaining at all! But it really got me thinking omg this is really happening I think I may pass after all. I guess I always had the worst case scenario in my head where I'm never going to pass. So I prepared myself for the worst. But after the shock wore off of seeing how feminine my face is getting a strange thought occurred to me. What about my guy mode its always been my safety mode. In my girl mode I'm completely myself but I don't pass! But my guy mode is a lie but I always never had to worry about passing in guy mode. It's been kind of a safety blanket for me. But now the thought has occurred to me I'm about to lose that safety blanket forever. And its kinda scary! I'm looking at the fact two months from now I might not be able to pass in guy mode. Don't get me wrong I'm loving all the changes that are happening way faster than expected and I don't regret this for a second. I'm just looking at a near future where I might not pass as ether for a short while and I guess it does kind of frighten me a little bit. I guess my question is has anybody else felt this way when they noticed changes?

[AusBelle]

It's called an androgyny stage.  You slowly slip from one to the other and different people will see you as a different gender depending on how you are presenting.  It's a fun stage 

[Heather]

It's called an androgyny stage.  You slowly slip from one to the other and different people will see you as a different gender depending on how you are presenting.  It's a fun stage 

I'm just in shock right now. It seems like I look more like my mom and my sister everyday. When I was a kid people would say me and my sister looked alike. But I never thought that! Now I'm starting to think they may have had a point.

[AusBelle]

That's great!  It really is a confidence booster.  You and your sister may end up like twins?

I had a similar experience with my Mum.  People used to comment on how I looked like her when she was my age.  I didn't see it myself.

[Heather]

That's great!  It really is a confidence booster.  You and your sister may end up like twins?

I had a similar experience with my Mum.  People used to comment on how I looked like her when she was my age.  I didn't see it myself.

I wish I could end up being the same height as my sister. But I'll settle for the looks!

[AusBelle]

Well, that's a great start anyway.  Are you much taller/shorter?

[Heather]

Well, that's a great start anyway.  Are you much taller/shorter?

I'm 6'1 shes like 5'4

[jfong]

Just look at the bright side Heather, I think people are more tolerant to a tomboy girl. If they think that you are a girl in boy clothes, take it as a compliment since even with the wrong attire you pass

[AusBelle]

So, she is a little shorter.  Maybe a mini you?  I always say anyone who is shorter than me is too short and anyone who is taller than me is too tall 

[Heather]

Just look at the bright side Heather, I think people are more tolerant to a tomboy girl. If they think that you are a girl in boy clothes, take it as a compliment since even with the wrong attire you pass

I'm just in shock of how fast this happening. The one thing about being in guy mode is nobody pays me any attention! But when I'm in girl mode I get stared at sometimes laughed at I kind of aspect that so no big deal. I'm starting to think that in the near future I'm going to be stared at no matter how I dress. 

So, she is a little shorter.  Maybe a mini you?  I always say anyone who is shorter than me is too short and anyone who is taller than me is too tall 

I'm just kind of sensitive about my height I always feel like a giant.

[AusBelle]

How you handle the 'stares' will change over time I'm sure.  It's all a matter of confidence.  Sometimes you might think people are staring or laughing  at you when they aren't.  There are lots of tall women around and lots of really short ones.   But really height is all relative.  Sometimes I wish I was taller.  Sometimes I think I'm the perfect height.

Do you wear flats instead of heels?  Do you dress so that you appear slimmer?

[Heather]

How you handle the 'stares' will change over time I'm sure.  It's all a matter of confidence.  Sometimes you might think people are staring or laughing  at you when they aren't.  There are lots of tall women around and lots of really short ones.   But really height is all relative.  Sometimes I wish I was taller.  Sometimes I think I'm the perfect height.

Do you wear flats instead of heels?  Do you dress so that you appear slimmer?

I don't wear heals often it really makes me self conscious even though I love wearing them accept for the pain. I do try to dress slimmer.

[MaidofOrleans]

I'm just in shock of how fast this happening. The one thing about being in guy mode is nobody pays me any attention! But when I'm in girl mode I get stared at sometimes laughed at I kind of aspect that so no big deal. I'm starting to think that in the near future I'm going to be stared at no matter how I dress.  :)I'm just kind of sensitive about my height I always feel like a giant.

Best way to deal with stares is to stare back. That's what I do at least

[Heather]

Best way to deal with stares is to stare back. That's what I do at least

I can deal with it in girl mode. One of the reasons I started going out when I knew I didn't pass. Was to get used to it just in case I was never able to pass. And to be honest all the stares didn't bother me all that much. But I've noticed this week I'm not getting as many looks as I was before or maybe I'm not paying that much attention to it anymore. The weird thing is going to be if I start getting stared at in guy mode. But I guess by that point I might as well be thinking about going full time.

[Alice-blossom]

Personally, I can't wait for people (my mother especially) to see the changes HRT will grant me. It's a good personal motivation.

[Sadie]

I remember that stage. People will notice. Everyone at work started giving me strange looks.  I got asked a lot if I was ok, some people thought I was sick (like cancer or maybe HIV, my weight loss could have been part of that too.) My skin took on a more dewy look or something my manager thought I was wearing makeup but I wasn't.  Yeah its an interesting time. But by the time I was close to going full time I actually did not enjoy it. I was so happy when I finally stopped living that double life.

[Heather]

Personally, I can't wait for people (my mother especially) to see the changes HRT will grant me. It's a good personal motivation.

I hope she handles it better than my mom is.

I remember that stage. People will notice. Everyone at work started giving me strange looks.  I got asked a lot if I was ok, some people thought I was sick (like cancer or maybe HIV, my weight loss could have been part of that too.) My skin took on a more dewy look or something my manager thought I was wearing makeup but I wasn't.  Yeah its an interesting time. But by the time I was close to going full time I actually did not enjoy it. I was so happy when I finally stopped living that double life.

I've been thinking about moving my plans up to go full time I was originally planned to go full time in the fall. But if I keep changing at the rate I am it might be summer.